Uncanny Classic XMen
by The Uncanny R-Man
Summary: Chapter 34: The X-Men, the Avengers, and the West Coast Avengers take on those responsible for kidnapping their friends. Part of the Uncanny Marvel Universe.
1. Cry of the Deathbird: Part 1

**The Uncanny New X-Men**

**Chapter 1: Cry of the Deathbird- Part 1**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_I don't own anything, all familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**Notes- **_This takes place after Chapter 28 of The Uncanny New Mutants, so check that out for details of Jean Grey's return._

* * *

**Genosha- **

Professor Charles Xavier was worried; he had lost contact with Freakshow, Wicked and the rest of his team. Magneto and Callisto had gone out to find them but he had lost telepathic contact with them too. That was why he was wheeling along the streets of Genosha on his own. However, Xavier had to be careful as whatever took down his team and the Master of Magnetism wouldn't be a pushover.

Xavier tried to scan further but was shocked that something was blocking his powers. Something else that shocked him was the smell of fresh blood. So he wheeled over to investigate.

'No!' Xavier gasped as he saw the carnage before him. Freakshow, Wicked, Karima and Shola were all dead, somebody, or something, had torn them to shreds. Magneto and Callisto were nowhere to be seen however. That didn't calm Xavier down one bit, as he couldn't pinpoint their positions with his telepathy either.

Xavier stooped as he heard an evil chuckled form above his head.

'So the cue-ball decides to show up.' The voice taunted. 'You're too late Baldie, they're all dead!'

'You monster!' Xavier hissed. 'Why did you do this?'

'You don't need a reason for gratuitous violence.' The voice snickered. 'I think it's quite artful actually, what with all the arcs of blood splattered over the walls and all.'

'You're mad!' Xavier yelled.

'And you're dead!' The voice replied. 'Dad!'

* * *

**The Xavier Institute-**

Unaware of the slaughter over in Genosha, the inhabitants of the Xavier Institute For Higher Learning were sleeping peacefully.

Kitty Pryde was snuggled up close to her boyfriend, Piotr Rasputin while Lockheed the Dragon was snoozing away from his be din Kitty's panty drawer. Kitty had all but given up on trying to train Lockheed into sleeping in a basket but the dragon was just too damned stubborn.

Emma Frost and Hank McCoy were also snuggled up together in bed. Emma had her head laid on Hank's shoulder while her hand was clutching a handful of his fur.

Jean was asleep too. Even though she and Scott had slowly started to mend their marriage, they had both decided that it was best if they slept in separate rooms until they felt they had made enough progress to share a bed.

Logan was the only one up, he was running an early-morning Danger Room session all on his own. Usually, Logan would be acting snarky towards Scott after Jean's return, but he was involved with Ororo now and had better things to do than lust after Jean.

Logan finished his session and headed for a shower. That was when his attention was caught by a message coming through the emergency line. Logan hurried up to the Danger Room control room and tapped his access code into the computer. A grainy picture appeared on the screen, it was Neal Sharra, calling from X-Corporation in Mumbai.

'Neal, you okay?' Logan asked frantically. 'What's goin' on?'

Logan could hardly hear Neal's response, as the screen was full of static.

'Logan, thank God. You have to send help, she's slaughtering everybody! She already took down Feral and Warpath!'

'Who are yer talkin' about?' Logan asked.

Neal's image turned around as if something had entered the room with him.

'God no, please… No! _AAAARRGHHH!_'

'_NEAL!_' Logan yelled.

But it was too late, the screen exploded into static.

'So much fer a quiet day in.' Logan muttered.

* * *

**The War Room-**

Logan was suited up and was stood at the head of the table in the War Room as the rest of the Astonishing X-Men listened to him give them the low-down on their latest mission.

'This distress call just came in earlier this mornin'.' Logan explained. 'Somethin' wiped out everybody in the Mumbai branch of the X-Corporation.'

'God, do we know who?' Kitty asked.

'I dunno yet, Kit.' Logan replied. 'But she musta been pretty tough ter take down Warpath an' the others single-handedly.'

'She?' Piotr asked. 'What makes you think this person is a woman?'

'Cuz Neal told me before he got shredded.' Logan replied. 'We're gonna need heavy-hitter sin on this, you in on it, Jeannie?'

'No better time than the present.' Jean replied. 'I was planning on painting my nails but I'm up for a trip to Mumbai.'

'Are Neal, Feral and Warpath the only ones that have been killed?' Hank asked. 'Is there any news from Sunfire and Thornn?'

'Not a thing.' Logan replied. 'I hate ter say it but I'm assumin' they're dead.'

'That's one rather big assumption, Logan.' Emma said. 'I knew that you tended to be pessimistic but…'

'Oh shut up Emma!' Jean groaned. 'Why do you always have to pick holes in everything?'

'Is it wrong if I have a little faith in my fellow mutants?' Emma replied, leaning over to look Jean in the eye. 'And Jean dear, I wouldn't bother finishing that sentence, such language belies a limited vocabulary.'

'To think I gave up college for this.' Kitty sighed.

* * *

**The skies above Mumbai, later- **

Emma and Jean had managed to stop sniping at each other for a moment and were sitting in peace, allowing Logan to pilot the Blackbird in peace.

Scott was usually in command of this team but seeing as Logan was the one that had found out about the crisis, Scott had let him take command with a minimum of fuss.

'Still no word.' Scott said as he looked up from the communications array. 'There's nothing, not even static, the communication lines have just gone blank.'

'Jean, Emma, can you get sense any life signs?' Logan asked.

'No, it's almost as if somebody is jamming our powers.' Emma replied.

'Then whoever wiped everybody out is most probably still there.' Kitty said.

'Not to be the bringer of bad news…' Hank said. 'But this is most undoubtedly a trap.'

'The idea had occurred.' Logan replied.

'So we are just going to walk straight in to this trap?' Piotr asked. 'Ah, there is nothing like a suicide mission to make you feel glad that you have been brought back from the dead.'

'Y'know Petey, I never took you fer a pessimist.' Logan said. 'That's my job, you're the happy-go-lucky invincible guy.'

'I was merely being realistic.' Piotr replied.

* * *

**The remains of X-Corporation Mumbai- **

Logan and the others cautiously entered the ruined X-Corporation building. Whoever had wiped everybody out had been very thorough; the whole building had been torched.

Emma stopped as she began to sense something.

'Wait, I can sense somebody nearby! The telepathic signal is weak…'

'Then we better get to 'em before it's too late.' Logan replied. 'Any idea where they are?'

'Several yards in that direction.' Jean replied. 'I can sense it too.'

'Now that yer mention it, I can smell somebody too.' Logan nodded. 'C'mon, let's go!'

The rest of the team followed as Logan led them to search for any survivors.

'In here…' Emma said as she indicated a doorway blocked with rubble and debris. Scott blasted it away with an optic beam.

'Is anybody alive in here?' He yelled.

'Over here…' A weak voice replied.

Scott charged in with the others hot on his heels.

'Sunfire! Are you alright?'

'My legs are trapped under a large iron beam, how do you think I feel?' Sunfire winced.

Piotr stepped up and pulled the beam off Sunfire's legs.

'Can you walk, my friend?'

'Just about…' Sunfire replied as he held on to the Russian mutant for support. 'We have to get to Thornn, she's in here somewhere…'

'But first we need to get those legs looked at.' Hank replied as he steppe dup with a medi-pack.

'No, you don't understand!' Starfire said as he swatted Hank's arm away. 'She said Thornn would be the first to die!'

'Who do you mean?' Jean asked.

'Deathbird!' Sunfire replied. 'I don't know how, but she's alive!'

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Cry of the Deathbird- Part 2**

_The Astonishing X-Men face off against Deathbird. An easy fight you say? It would be if Deathbird didn't have allies on her side. Who are those allies? You'll just have to wait and see._


	2. Cry of the Deathbird: Part 2

**The Uncanny New X-Men**

**Chapter 2: The Cry of the Deathbird- Part 2**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

**

* * *

Shout Outs-**

**TheLegendaryManHimself- **_Yeah, Jean does seem to have the record for dying and coming back. But then again, what about Wolverine? Deathbird is indeed Shi'ar, she's Lilandra's evil sister. _

**Needles- **_You're starting to like Emma/Hank? Good on you._

**GothikStrawberry- **_Glad you liked the beginning, much more violence and insanity with Legion soon._

**Agent-G- **_Yes, that was Legion in Genosha. As you will know, Morgan LaFey and Dark beast brought resurrected him. You didn't really miss anything with Excalibur, it was pretty lame. _

**Thanks to- **_Mimato-eva._

* * *

**X-Corp Mumbai-**

The Astonishing X-Men stood dumbstruck at Sunfire's sudden revelation.

'Well it seems that nobody stays dead nowadays.' Emma sniffed, shooting Jean a glare. 'Do you know where Deathbird is now?'

'I-I'm not sure.' Sunfire replied. 'But I'd wager that she's somewhere in the lower levels of the complex torturing Thorrn.'

'Let's go then.' Logan said. 'We've got us a bird woman that needs her wings clipped.'

'You had better stay in the X-Jet, Shiro.' Hank said. 'We don't want that leg wound to get infected.'

'Infection can wait.' Sunfire replied. 'I will not rest until I have avenged my teammate's deaths!'

'Let's go kick some ass then.' Kitty said. 'Nobody screws with the X-Men…'

* * *

**Several levels down-**

The X-Men had travelled down several levels without any sign of Deathbird. Logan suddenly stopped and held up his hand.

'Stay there, I can smell someone…' He said.

'Deathbird?' Jean asked.

'No, Hellfire Club soldiers…' Logan growled.

'What is the Hellfire Club doing here?' Scott asked. 'Why decimate X-Corp Mumbai?'

'Why not?' Emma shrugged.

Logan unsheathed his claws and carefully crept towards the Hellfire soldiers. Emma changed in to her diamond form while Piotr changed in to his steel form and they both followed Logan. Logan gave them a signal and the trio dived in to attack the soldiers. Logan slashed at them with his claws, while Piotr smashed their heads through the walls and Emma kicked them in the face. It was all over before the soldiers could raise the alarm.

'Curiouser and curiouser.' Hank said as he stroked his chin thoughtfully. 'What on Earth would the Hellfire Club want with a branch of X-Corp? Unless you're housing the M'Krann Crystal and haven't told us about it.'

'Is Sebastian Shaw up to his old tricks again?' Kitty asked. 'The last I heard he fell out of his office window in Paris.' **(1)**

'Well it certainly can't be Selene.' Emma replied. 'She's engaged to the Thing for one.'

'I guess we'll find out soon enough.' Logan said. 'Let's get goin'…'

The rest of the team followed obediently, still non-the-wiser why the Hellfire Club was acting up right at this moment.

* * *

**Later-**

The team descended several more levels with sparse resistance. Any Hellfire soldiers that were stupid enough to get in their way ended up getting skewered by Logan's claws, blasted by Scott's optic blasts, battered by Piotr's metallic fists or ended up getting booted in the face by Emma's white booted feet.

Logan held up his hand to stop the team once more.

'She's here.' He whispered. 'Down below us.'

'But the room below us is the armoury.' Sunfire said.

'But why the armoury?' Jean asked.

'Because that's where all the pointy and shooty things are?' Emma replied sarcastically. 'You really should use your head sometime, dear.'

Jean glared at Emma and was about to reply when Logan hissed at them to be quiet.

'Leave the catfight until we get back.' He hissed. 'We got more urgent things at hand.'

Emma and Jean both shut up and waited for the next command.

Logan sniffed the air for scents.

'Thorrn's in there with her.' Logan said. 'She's alive, but scared like Hell.'

'Then let us rescue her.' Piotr said, as he got ready to punch a hole in the floor.

'Whoa there Petey…' Logan said. 'This ain't no suicide mission, we're here ter rescue her.'

'I'll blast us a way down.' Scott said as he placed a hand on the side of his visor.

'And fry the hostage?' Logan snorted. 'Use yer head Summers.'

'Waitasec, guys.' Kitty said. 'I got an idea…'

* * *

**The Armoury-**

In the armoury, amidst the high-tech weaponry and various pointy things, Thorrn was tied to a metal table as Deathbird tortured her. The feline mutant's grey fur was stuck together with dry bloody clumps and she wavered in and out of consciousness.

The evil Shi'ar stood back for a bit and took a sip of water from a bottle; all this torture was a thirsty business.

'Don't think you have got of lightly, my dear.' Deathbird said as she wiped her mouth and put her water bottle back down. 'I was merely taking a drink break. Would you like some?'

'Go to Hell you bitch!' Thorrn hissed and spat in Deathbird's face.

'You mutants were always a feisty lot.' Deathbird chuckled. 'That's why killing you is so much fun.'

'It's always more fun when you share…' A male voice said as he stepped out of a mystical portal.

'Ah Legion, I was wondering when you were planning to join us.' Deathbird said. 'I don't believe you had met the young Ms Callasantos.'

David Haller looked at the young mutant tied to the table.

'Mmm, she's a cutie alright.' Legion said, an evil grin spreading over his face. 'It's a pity the Boss Lady wants her straight away, I woulda liked to have got to know her better, if you catch my drift…'

'I believe I do.' Deathbird replied, as she looked Thorrn up and down. 'You know, she is rather attractive, for a human. I might sample her myself, once Our Majesty has finished.'

'You're both sick!' Thorrn yelled.

'Mmm, feisty. I like that in a woman.' Legion said as he leant in closer to the feline mutant. 'If you behave Legion'll give you some catnip…'

'Up yours!' Thorrn snarled.

'No catnip for you then.' Legion shrugged. 'We ready to go? The Boss Lady don't like to be kept waiting.'

'I was hoping to torture her some more, but I suppose we must obey Our Majesty's wishes.' Deathbird sighed.

'We can have fun back at HQ, 'kay?' Legion replied as he conjured up another teleportation disc. 'But first, we'll have to put the kitty to sleep…'

Thorrn screamed in pain as Legion zapped her with a mind bolt, knocking her out. Once Deathbird was sure that Thorrn was out, she untied the feline mutant and carried her into the stepping disc while Legion followed.

Unseen by the two villains, Kitty Pryde had partially phased through the ceiling and had seen the whole thing.

Kitty popped her head back up through the ceiling and turned to the others.

'Deathbird isn't alone!' Kitty said. 'She's got help, Legion!'

'Wasn't he dead?' Scott asked.

'So was I.' Jean and Piotr both said at once.

'They took Thorrn with them.' Kitty explained. 'They're working with the Hellfire Club alright, but it's not Sebastian Shaw. They said _Boss Lady. _I wonder who that could mean?'

'What do we do now?' Piotr asked. 'Will be able to take on the Hellfire Club on our own?'

'I guess we will have to, my friend.' Hank replied. 'I for oen am looking forward to seeing who the mysterious leader of this new Hellfire Club is.'

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Cry of the Deathbird- Part 3**

_The Astonishing X-Men take on the All-New Hellfire Club on their own turf. If only it was that simple however, the Hellfire Club has more than resurrected villains on its side, they've got a brainwashed Charles Xavier, Magneto and Callisto too!_

* * *

**Notes-**

**(1)- **_See chapter 14 of _'The Uncanny New Mutants' _for details._


	3. Cry of the Deathbird: Part 3

**The Uncanny New X-Men**

**Chapter 3: Cry of the Deathbird- Part 3**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**Shout Outs-**

**Needles- **_The leader of the Hellfire Club in the URM-Verse is Morgan LeFey._

**GothikStrawberry- **_Yeah you're right; the X-Men should stop acting like they don't expect somebody to come back from the dead. It happens all the time._

**Agent-G- **_Yup, Legion and Deathbird are a sick pair all right. But then again, they work for the Hellfire Club so that's no so unusual. _

**Thanks to- **_DarkKnight92._

* * *

**The sewers beneath Manhattan-**

The X-Men were on a rescue mission. They were going to infiltrate the Hellfire Club to rescue the feline mutant known as Thorrn. Deathbird, sister to the Shi'ar Majestrix Lilandra and new Black Rook, had slaughtered the whole of the Mumbai branch of X-Corp and made her escape with Thorrn. The Japanese mutant known as Sunfire was the only survivor of the massacre.

'If I ever find out that you're having us wade ankle-deep through the waste of the greater part on Manhattan just for a laugh, I'm going to turn you in to a chandelier.' Jean Grey muttered as she waded through the poop.

'Oh come now Jean dear.' Emma Frost replied. 'Give me some credit, I may be a bitch but I would never make anybody walk through the sewers just to humiliate people. If I really meant to humiliate you, you'd be naked as well.'

'And here I was thinkin' this mission wuz gonna be boring.' Wolverine muttered.

'Keep it down everybody.' Cyclops hissed. 'We don't know what kind of surveillance this new Hellfire Club has.'

Wolverine froze in place as he caught a familiar scent, and I don't mean yesterday's chilli burrito.

'Spider-Sense tingling, Wolvie?' Shadowcat asked.

Wolverine just growled and unsheathed his claws.

'What is it Lassie?' Emma asked. 'Little Timmy trapped down a well?'

'Sabretooth…' Wolverine growled.

'Or a psychotic feral mutant.' Emma shrugged. 'Either one is good.'

'Wolverine, let's not go off half-cocked…' Cyclops said.

'Umm Scott, he has already gone.' Colossus stated.

'Oh for crying out…' Cyclops groaned. 'Okay everybody, this is how the mission is going to go, Shadowcat and Colossus…'

Lockheed hissed at being missed off of the list.

'Sorry.' Cyclops replied. 'Shadowcat, Colossus and Lockheed, you try and find wherever the Hellfire Club is hiding Thorrn. Emma and Beast, you two try and find any other prisoners that the Hellfire Club may be holding. Jean and I will distract them.'

'Oh my, that is so kind of you.' Emma sarcastically cooed. 'You really are our fearless leader.'

'Come now Emma, let us depart before your witty banter grinds on Jean's nerves any more.' Beast said as he quickly hurried Emma along.

Once everybody had split up, Jean turned to Cyclops with an amused smile.

'Just like old times, huh Slim?' Jean asked. 'Taking down the Hellfire Club on their home ground.'

'And this time none of us are going to go mad and destroy a whole galaxy.' Cyclops replied. 'Unless there's something you're not telling me.'

'Nope.' Jean replied. 'No Dark Phoenix brewing.'

'Good, now let's go kick some Hellfire butt!'

* * *

**Wolverine-**

Wolverine followed his nose as he tried to pinpoint Sabretooth's location. Had Creed thrown down with the Hellfire Club or was he just lurking in the sewers as a nostalgic attempt to relive his old days as part of Mr Sinister's Marauders?

The answers to Wolverine's question would have had to wait as he heard a growl above his head.

'Long time no see, runt.' Sabretooth growled. 'I wuz wonderin' when you X-Pansies were gonna pop up to try an' bring me back in.'

'Why bring the whole team when yer got took down by a bunch o' girls?' **(1)** Wolverine replied. 'Yer a laughin' stock Creed, yer rep's gone down the crapper. Not that you had much of a rep to begin with…'

Sabretooth just let out an angry growl as he leapt down form the pipes above Wolverine's head, landing in the water with a splash.

'You better watch yer mouth, runt.' Sabretooth growled. 'Or I'm gonna have ter give yer a good ol'-fashioned whuppin'.'

'This from a guy that got his ass whipped by a bunch o' trainee X-Girls.' Wolverine snickered.

'Enough with the flamin' X-Girls already!' Sabretooth yelled. 'I'm gonna rip out yer spleen an' wear it as a hat!'

'Same old Creed.' Wolverine sighed. 'All mouth, no trousers.'

Sabretooth bellowed in rage and leapt at Wolverine. Wolverine met him with his claws bared…

* * *

**Shadowcat and Colossus- **

Shadowcat phased herself and Colossus up through the floors of the Hellfire Club, always being careful to stop and make sure that nobody saw them. It didn't take them very long to find the floor where Thorrn was being kept.

Shadowcat cautiously phased her head out of a utility closet to scope out her surroundings. She then quickly pulled her head back in.

'The cell's got two guards in front.' Shadowcat said. 'We'll have to be careful about this…'

'Careful is my middle name.' Colossus whispered as he slowly walked out of the closet.

'I thought Nikolievitch was your middle name.' Shadowcat teased as she waited for Colossus to do his thing.

'Excuse me comrades, does there happen to be a gentlemen's rest room on this floor?' Colossus asked as he carefully snuck up behind the guards.

'Yeah, it's the third door on yer right.' One of the guards replied, not realising who he was talking to.

'Spaceeba.' Colossus nodded before he grabbed the two guards and smacked their heads together, knocking them out.

With the coast clear, Shadowcat walked out of the utility closet and joined him.

'Keys. Keys. There's got to be some keys here…' Shadowcat said as she searched both the guards.

Lockheed hopped down off her shoulder and tugged at one of the guard's belts.

'Good dragon!' Shadowcat grinned as she saw a ring of keys fall off the guard's belt. 'Somebody's in for a special treat tonight!'

'What about me?' Colossus asked. 'Am I in for a special treat?'

A coy smile spread on Shadowcat's face.

'Every night is a special treat for you, sexy.' She teased as she began to test the keys in the lock.

* * *

**Beast and Emma Frost-**

Emma frost was using her telepathy to mask her and Hank's presence from everybody that they passed. Emma had already gleamed the positions of the other prisoners that the Hellfire Club was holding from the mind of one of the guard's. It was a wonder why the Hellfire Club recruited such weak-minded fools as guards. Emma would never have stood for that in her day…

The pair stopped in front of the cell where the prisoners were being held. Beast's eyes widened in surprise as he saw who the Hellfire Club was holding prisoner.

'Oh my stars and garters…'

Emma peered through the small barred window in the door.

'Oh my goodness, Charles!'

Professor Charles Xavier was shackled to the wall along with Callisto, former leader of the Morlocks.

'Henry, we have to help them!' Emma said.

'Way ahead of you, my dear.' Beast replied as he took a step back. 'Without the presence of a suitable plan, one must always improvise…'

Emma winced as Beast charged through the door, his heightened strength smashing the door to splinters.

No sooner had Hank done that then several Hellfire soldiers came running around the corner.

'These weak-minded fools are mine.' Emma said as she used her telepathy on them.

'Nothing to see here. Move along. You don't need to our identification. These aren't the druids you're looking for…'

'Nothing to see here.' The lead soldier said in a monotone voice a she motioned to his fellows. 'Move along. Move along…'

The rest of the Hellfire soldiers did as Emma told them, turned around and walked away.

'Not that I don't appreciate the assist but is now really the time to quote the classics?' Beast asked s he carried Xavier and Callisto out of the cell. 'There is a time and a place for Star Wars references.'

'Oh lighten up, Henry.' Emma chuckled. 'At leats I didn't make the _I am your father_ speech.'

'Pity, that was my favourite.'

'Who…?' Hank asked as he tried to turn around.

'Not so fast, Blue.' A feminine voice replied. 'Unless you want that pretty little head of yours to end up with a few extra perforations.'

'Mystique.' Emma hissed. 'I knew you never had the decency to stay dead.'

'Flattery will get you nowhere.' Mystique replied as she pressed the two guns to the back of Emma and Hank's heads. 'Especially when you have two guns at the back of your heads.

'Raven! Look out!' Destiny gasped. 'They're about to attack!'

Emma quickly changed into her diamond form and spun around at Mystique, trying to land a punch on her. Unfortunately for Emma, Destiny's shout had already alerted Mystique and she was already fighting back.'

'Never try to trick a precog.' Mystique said as she slugged Emma on the chin. Fortunately, Emma's diamond form protected her from harm.

'Oh crap…' Mystique winced as she rubbed her hand.

Emma smiled evilly as she slugged Mystique back, laying her out straight away.

Emma then turned to face Destiny.

'Now, Destiny, if you really are who you say you are…'

'I give up.' Destiny said, cutting Emma off. 'I have already foreseen that you will win this fight so there is no need for me to hold you up.'

'Umm, thank you?' Emma nodded as she helped Beast carry the unconscious Xavier and Callisto away.

Destiny simply watched them go.

* * *

**Cyclops and Jean Grey-**

Cyclops and Jean had combed every part of the Hellfire Club as they could as they searched for any members of the Hellfire Club but all they found so far were lowly Hellfire guards. They were dealt with almost instantly, giving them plenty more time to find more lackeys to beat.

They had just reached the throne room when Jean sensed an all too familiar presence.

'Jean, what is it?' Cyclops asked, his voice full of worry.

Jean just screamed in rage as she lashed out with her telekinesis. Cyclops dived for cover as the telekinetic waved trashed the whole room.

'Ah, glad to see you are alive and well, Miss Grey.' Magneto said as he walked into the room. He was dressed in a white tuxedo, the uniform of the White King. But most importantly, he was without his telepathy-proof helmet. 'The same thing could be said for me, I dare say.'

'_Bastard!' _Jean screamed as she lashed out with her telekinesis again.

'Oh my, such language form an X-Men.' Magneto tutted as he shielded himself with his magnetic powers. 'What would Xavier say?'

'He'd tell us to kick your ass, you monster!' Scott yelled as he let rip with an optic blast.

'Ah yes, the lapdog show himself.' Magneto said. 'Nice to see you starting to grow a spine, Mr Summers. Pity I'll have to rip it out…'

Magneto waved his hand and Cyclops was bound in metallic roped. Magneto even made sure to cover Cyclops' eyes.

'Now, where were we, Jean?'

'_Bastard!' _Jean screamed once more.

'Ah yes, now I remember…' Magneto nodded as he used his powers to rip light fittings from the walls, turning them into shards of deadly shrapnel. 'You really are a pretty young lady, Ms Grey, it saddens me to kill you…'

Before Magneto could even move those shards an inch, he let out a hiss of pain.

_'Magnus, enough!'_

'Xavier!' Magneto hissed as he saw the bald telepath being carried into the room. 'You will pay dearly for this, you deluded cripple!'

Magneto extended his hand towards Xavier, trying to move the metal shards.

'Perhaps you will have the decent to stay dead.' Jena hissed.

'Jean, no!' Xavier yelled.

Too late, Jena let rip with her telepathy, sending the metal shards slicing through Magneto's body.

'Jean. You killed him.' Cyclops said, barely believing his eyes.

'It wasn't Magneto, Scott.' Jean replied. 'He was a clone. As the other members that we face today were.'

'Where are the real members then?' Beast asked.

'Don't ask me, Blue.' A groggy Callisto groaned. 'I owe these freaks a whuppin'.'

'You an' me both, Cal.' A battered and bloodied Wolverine replied. 'That guy in the sewer may have smelled and sounded like Creed but he sure didn't fight like him.'

'As much as I appreciate being rescued, I would very much like to go back to the mansion.' Xavier said. 'That is if you will still have me.'

'Hey, how can resist a pretty face like that, Chuck?' Shadowcat snickered.

Xavier groaned slightly at that.

'Katherine, I will tell you the same thing that I told Logan, do not call me Chuck.'

'Sure thing, Charley.' Shadowcat teased.

Despite the lack of a concrete victory, the X-Men stifled a laugh as they made a hasty exit out of the Hellfire Club. Beast still carried Xavier while Callisto made her ow way out.

'Have we won?' Thorrn groaned weakly.

'Kinda...' Shadowcat replied. 'You're safe now, you;re coming bakc to the mansion wiht us.'

'Oh God!' The cat girl sobbed. 'What about Nela and the others? My sister! They're all dead!'

'We'll get another shot at these bastrads.' Wolverine replied. 'I swear.'

'But first we all need a rest.' Beast said. 'It has been a busy few days.'

'God, I'm going to sleep for a week.' Emma groaned.

'Just sleep?' Colossus asked.

'Not all the time...' Emma replied cheekily.

**TBC…**

**

* * *

**

**Next: Who's the Mommie?**

_When one of the X-Women's special monthly visitor is late, they must deal with the consequences. But first we need to find out which X-Woman it is, Jean, Emma or Kitty..._

* * *

**Notes-**

**(1)- **_See_ 'The Uncanny Sirens' _for details._


	4. Who's the Mommie?

**Uncanny New X-Men**

**Chapter 4: Who's the Mommie?**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**Shout Outs-**

**Mimato-4eva- **_You'll have to wait and see who's pregnant. Heh. _

**MoonstarFlex173- **_You really think I'm a great writer? Aww, shucks. Thanks loads._

**DarkKnight92- **_Yes, I do like Teen Titans. Good news, I have a Teen Titans fic up. It's called _'Teen Titans Unlimited.'_ Go check it out if you want._

**GothikStrawberry- **_Emma a Star Wars fan? Random, non? The Summers family is frickin' complicated. All those alternate sons and daughters, clones, dead wives coming back to life. It makes a guy's head hurt._

**Needles- **_Everybody deserves to be happy, even jackasses like Scott. I'm done with making fun of him; the whole joke was getting tiresome._

**TheLegendaryManHimself- **_I don't know, what are you thinking of? It's definitely a ladies' thing._

**Agent-G- **_The whole Hellfire Clone thing was just a ruse. The real Hellfire Club will make their presence known soon enough. _

**Thanks to- **_Unknown legacy_

* * *

**Quote of the day: **_'The bee bit my bottom, now my bottom's big!'- _**Homer Simpson**

* * *

**The Xavier Institute for Higher Learning-**

Emma Frost was pacing nervously in the en suite bathroom that she shared with Hank McCoy. The usually stoic telepath was more than a little nervous. Her special monthly visitor was late and she was mulling over the possible reasons. There were dietary reasons for her monthly cycle to be late. But it couldn't be that, she was eating healthily. Various diseases could also cause that. Emma wasn't ill, she was sure of that. There could only be one reason for that…

'Oh God.' Emma groaned. 'As if my image couldn't get any worse…'

Emma reached into the cabinet above the sink and removed a pregnancy test.

'I guess there's only one way to find out…' Emma sighed as she prepared the test.

**

* * *

Jean Grey's office-**

Jean Grey was marking some tests when there was a knock on the door.

'Enter freely and of your own will.' Jean quipped. She really loved making that joke whenever somebody knocked on her door. Nobody laughed though.

Jean cocked a curious brown as a rather nervous Emma stepped in. The blonde telepath was broadcasting an unusual aura of nervousness around her.

'And how may I help you Emma?' Jean asked, her voice full of false sincerity. 'Another bitching match? Semi-naked mud wrestling maybe. We could sell tickets…'

Emma stayed serious.

'Jean, I need to talk to you. I-it's important…'

Jean's curiosity was piqued.

'Spoil my fun.' She muttered. 'What do you need to talk about anyway?'

'I'm late.' Emma replied solemnly.

Jean blinked in confusion.

'You're not late for anything, Emma. Has boning Hank knocked a few brain cells lose or something, because we haven't got any meetings planned until next week.'

Emma looked Jean straight in the eyes.

'You don't understand what I mean.' Emma said. 'I'm _late_. My special monthly visitor hasn't arrived.'

Jean nodded in understanding.

'Oh, _right._' She nodded. 'But why come to me? It's not like we're close or anything.'

'I would have gone to see Kitty if I wanted everything spread around the Institute by morning.' Emma replied. 'I know I can trust you. Hopefully.'

'Well it's just a little unusual for you to say anything less that mildly insulting to me.' Jean said. 'But surely having a baby would be cause for celebration.'

'It would be if the person expecting the child didn't have the track record of childcare that I do.' Emma replied. 'Just look what happened to the Hellions, Synch, my students in Genosha and Sophie and Esme. They're all dead.'

'None of that was your fault, Emma.' Jean said. 'Besides, you've got Catseye back, right? Surely that must mean something.'

'It still doesn't take the pain of their loss away.' Emma replied.

'Esme _chose_ to leave us to join Magneto's Brotherhood.' Jean reminded her. 'You weren't the one that drove her away.'

'Tell _that_ to the other Cuckoos.' Emma snorted. 'They've never forgiven me for it.'

'They're just kids.' Jean replied. 'They'll get over it.'

'I wish I had your faith.' Emma sighed.

'Emma, this self-pity really isn't you.' Jean said. 'The Emma Frost that I know would never allow herself to be seen like this. She'd say it was beneath her to act like a common peasant. Now get off your butt and go tell Hank he's a daddy, okay? It'll be a better use of your time listening me straining not to insult you.'

Emma got up from her chair and made out to leave but turned back.

'Jean, should the child survive the numerous inevitable assaults on the mansion, would you consider being a godparent?'

The sudden request knocked Jean through a hoop. She would never expect such a thing from the White Queen.

'I-I'd be honoured.' Jean replied. 'But, why me? We're not exactly close.'

'Well Henry will most definitely choose Robert as godfather and no child of mine will be left alone with Drake without mature supervision. We will need you to temper Drake's more… immature tendencies.'

'I can see your point.' Jean nodded. 'Well I'd be honoured to be your child's godmother.'

'Thank you Jean.' Emma nodded gratefully. 'This means a lot to me.'

'But you do realise that it doesn't mean that I consider us friends, okay?' Jean asked.

'I wouldn't have it any other way, darling.' Emma replied, her mood brightening somewhat.

* * *

**Hank's lab-**

Several floors below Jean's office, Hank McCoy was tinkering around with another random doohickeys. Ever since he and Valeria had made a device that helped Penance and Rogue with their powers, demand had been rife for more such devices. Bobby was one of the first people to ask for it. His relationship with Lorna had started to heat up quite a bit and it would have been rather uncomfortable for her to make love to a guy completely made out of ice.

Hank was so involved in his tinkering that he didn't even notice Emma walk in.

'Henry, we need to talk…' Emma said.

'Yes dear, just one more moment.' Hank replied, not really taking any notice.

'Henry, please this is important.' Emma said.

'Mm-hmm.' Hank replied.

Emma sighed heavily and put her hands on her hips.

'Would it be easier if I was naked and covered in Twinkies?' She muttered.

Emma sidled up behind Hank and laced her arms around his shoulders. No man on Earth could resist the White Queen's feminine charms.

'Oh Henry, your loving lady needs attention.' She purred. 'I have some good news…'

Hank still didn't respond.

Emma frowned at the lack of response and upped the ante. She started to nibble on his ear.

'Oh _Haaank_, Emma wants loving…'

Hank let out a disgruntled sigh and put down his doohickeys.

'Emma, do you mind? This is really important.'

'Oh? And what I have to say isn't?' Emma replied. 'You haven't heard what I have to say yet.'

'I'm listening.' Hank said.

Emma took a deep breath before continuing.

'Hank… I'm pregnant.'

Hank's face was unreadable. Emma bit her lip nervously as she waited for him to respond.

'A-are you sure?' Hank asked.

'Very much so.' Emma replied. 'I tested myself earlier.'

Hank blinked a few times.

'So I'm going to be a father.'

'That doctorate's really well earned, isn't it?' Emma teased.

'I'm going to be a father.' Hank said to himself. 'Me, Henry Phillip McCoy, a father,'

'Now I believe is the time that you say _Oh my stars and garters _and give me a huge hug while dancing like a crazy person.' Emma said.

'Oh my stars and garters…' Hank said as he picked Emma up in a huge hug and twirled her around. 'I'm going to be a father! _Woo-hoo!_ This causes for some kind of celebration. A hootenanny. A shindig. A gathering of acquaintances even. Oh God, just wait until the others find out. I wonder who won the bet?'

'Bet?' Emma asked. 'What bet?'

'The bet to see who would have a child fir… _oops._' Hank winced. 'You're going to punish me now, aren't you?'

'Maybe…' Emma replied, a playful smile spreading on her face. 'I may be with child but that doesn't mean I can't have my fun for a little while longer. Now, where did I put those fuzzy handcuffs…?'

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Trouble And…**

_A villain very close to the Summers family's hearts returns. Stryfe! Guest starring: Cable and X-Force and Madelyne Pryor._


	5. Trouble And

**Uncanny New X-Men**

**Chapter 5: Trouble And…**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**Shout Outs-**

**Needles- **_I never thought about Emma having a caesarean. Thanks for that, I'll keep it in mind._

**Aaron- **_Oh yeah, you can bet that Emma and Hank's child will take after his/her parents. Is that a good thing? I'm afraid that Nate Grey isn't going to make an appearance. I have a clone of Nate Grey that's a member of the Young Avengers if that helps._

**GothikStrawberry- **_Even though Jean and Emma may have made some progress into becoming friends, they still have a fair old way to go. _

**TheLegendaryManHimself- **_You're right, with the amount of time the X-Men spend in bed in the URM-Verse, it was only a matter of time until somebody became pregnant. _

**Mimato-4eva- **_I'm guessing that Hank and Emma's child will look like a fuzzy blue cat. I'm terribly sorry but 'Four Mutants…' is no more. My computer had to be reloaded and I lost all the chapters I had saved._

**Agent-G- **_You're right about how Emma and Hank's child will look, he/she will inherit his/her father's fuzzy blue fur and perhaps his/her mother's telepathy too. Imagine that, a telepathic cat. Heh. Stryfe is Cable's evil clone. 'Nuff said._

* * *

**The Desert-**

Two people were running for their life through a seemingly endless expanse of featureless sand. Those two people were Jean Grey and Scott Summers. They were being pursued by some kind of unseen force.

Scott and Jean were beginning to tire. It seemed as if they had been running for miles with no sign of escape from the accursed desert.

'Jean… I can't go on…' Scott panted as he bent over, resting his hands on his knees. 'Please… Save yourself…'

'Scott, I'm not going to leave you.' Jean replied as she pulled Scott along with her. 'We have to get out of here before they kill us…'

'_Too late.'_ A sinister voice said in their heads. _'You've already been found. Goodbye.'_

Jean and Scott tried to defend themselves, but were incinerated in a blast of energy. The last thing that they saw was a glint of light from shining armour.

* * *

**Jean and Scott's bedroom-**

Jean and Scott woke up with a scream.

'Oh God! That dream…' Jean panted. 'It felt so… real.'

Scott ran his hand down his vest, feeling the cold sweat upon his chest.

'Why were we dreaming that? You don't think it's predicting the future, do you?'

'No, of course not.' Jean replied. 'That's a silly idea… Isn't it?'

'We'd better talk to the Professor in the morning.' Scott nodded. 'Perhaps he will be able to tell us what the dream was about.'

* * *

**West Coast Avengers Complex, Malibu- **

Madelyne Pryor sat upright in bed with a scream.

**'NO!'**

Beside Maddie, a figure stirred.

'Maddie, you okay?' Vanessa Carlysle: the mutant shapeshifter known as Copycat murmured. 'Have a bad dream?'

'Yeah.' Maddie replied as she clutched the sheet close to her chest. 'Man, it seemed so real.'

'You're not going to start another Inferno, are you?' Vanessa teased.

'Not funny.' Maddie sighed. 'I'm serious. That dream really scared me.'

'Wanna tell me about it?' Vanessa asked, propping herself up on one hand.

'W-well, I was running through a desert. Somebody was after me. I don't know who though. Whoever it was… caught me when I ran out of breath and fell to the floor. Then they… they…'

Maddie's body was wracked with sobs.

Vanessa sat up and put her arms around Maddie, cooing reassuring words.

'Shh, shh. That's okay.' Vanessa cooed. 'Everything is going to be okay. We're safe here. Nobody can get you. It was just a bad dream.'

'Was it?' Maddie asked as she looked at Vanessa through bleary eyes. 'Whoever was chasing me seemed kind of… familiar. I can't explain how.'

'We can find out all about it in the morning, okay?' Vanessa reassured her. 'Now c'mon, let's get you back to sleep.'

Maddie nodded silently and allowed herself to be laid back down.

* * *

**Providence-**

Providence was a floating island that was made from the remains of the space station Graymalkin, former headquarters of the mutant time-traveller known as Cable.

Just like Scott, Jean and Maddie before him, Cable jumped awake with a yell.

'_NO!'_

Cable tried to clam himself and wiped the cold sweat from his brow.

'That was… different.' Cable said to himself. 'And not the good kind of different.'

It wasn't the fact that he was killed by a mystery assailant in his dream that bothered Cable, it was the fact that he recognised the person that killed him.

Cable's face contorted into an angry sneer as he remembered the metallic armour of his old nemesis.

'Stryfe…'

* * *

**Xavier's office-**

Jean and Scott were sat in Xavier's office while he tried to decipher the dream that Jean had the night before.

Xavier sighed heavily in defeat.

'I am terribly sorry, Jean.' Xavier said apologetically. 'I can't discover this mysterious stalker's identity. They have somehow masked their presence in your dream. I could make out an indistinct figure but no specific features.'

'Well, I just hope it isn't a prediction of the future.' Jean said.

'You've never had any prophetic dreams before, so why start now?' Scott asked.

'I guess you're right, Scott.' Jean nodded. 'It's most probably stress or something?'

'Not that I wish to discourage your suggestions, Jean…' Xavier replied. 'But, what stress? You haven't done anything remotely stressful?'

'You've been hanging around with Emma again, Haven't you Charles?' Jean chuckled.

'I have no idea what you mean…' Xavier replied innocently.

'I think we'd better watch our steps, just in case.' Scott said. 'In the remote chance that Jean's dream was a prediction of the future, we will have to be cautious.'

'_Still as cautious as ever, I see.'_

Scott, Jean and Xavier spun around to see an all-too familiar figure floating before them. It was Madelyne Pryor. She was projecting her astral form.

'I would say that it is nice to see you, Madelyne.' Jean said. 'But then we'd both know that I'd be lying.'

'_Always a pleasure, Jean.'_ Maddie replied sarcastically. _'Now why the hell were you screwing around with my dreams?'_

'_We_ were screwing around with _your_ dreams?' Jean snorted. 'How do we know that it wasn't _you_ messing around with _our_ dreams? I wouldn't put it past you after all the stuff you put us through before.'

'_Start a demonic invasion of New York and you end up paying for it for the rest of your life.' _Maddie sighed_. 'Really Jean, you should get over it. I've gotten over the fact that you STOLE MY HUSBAND!'_

'Here we go…' Scott groaned. 'It's always the same…'

'If I may intercede?' Xavier asked, wanting to quickly calm the matter before it degenerated into violence. 'Madelyne, I can assure you that neither Jean or myself have invaded your dreams.'

'_I guess I can trust you, Xavier.' _Maddie shrugged. _'You've never had any need to lie to me before.'_

'That still doesn't tell us who was responsible for the dreams.' Scott said. 'If only we knew who…'

'Perhaps I could be of some service…' 

Just like Maddie before him, Cable's astral form floated in the air before the three X-Men.

'_Well, well, well.' _Maddie snorted_. 'Look who finally decided to step off their pedestal. Got bored playing Messiah so you decided to visit us mere mortals?'_

'_I have a possible lead on who was responsible for invading our dreams.' _Cable repeated.

'_No hug for you mother?' _Maddie asked. _'Your_ real _mother, might I add.'_

'_This really isn't the time.' _Cable replied seriously. _'We have to make a move before…'_

'_Don't you dare ignore me!' _Maddie hissed, pointing a finger at Cable. _'Jean may have let your discipline go down the toilet but you're my son, dammit! Speak to your mother with respect!'_

'Cable, who is this mystery assailant?' Xavier asked. 'Are we in any immediate danger?'

'_I'm afraid so, Professor.' _Cable replied. _'The person responsible for invading our dreams is Stryfe.'_

'_Oh, this just gets better and better.' _Maddie groaned. _'Another child whose discipline went down the toilet due to poor parenting.'_

'It's going to be a long day…' Scott groaned.

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Summers Family Reunion**

_Scott, Jean, Cable and Maddie try to find out where Stryfe is hiding before he can cause trouble. Also starring: Marvel Girl and Havok. _


	6. Summers Family Reunion

**Uncanny New X-Men**

**Chapter 6: Summers Family Reunion**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**Providence-**

Providence was the floating island somewhere in the South Pacific that was formerly known as the space station Graymalkin, headquarters of Cable and X-Force back in their heyday.

Jean, Scott and Maddie were standing around a holographic projector while Cable did his thing. Rachel and Alex were there too, ready for action.

'It took quite a while, but the sensors detected a familiar signature somewhere in Nevada.' Cable explained as the projector showed a nondescript bunker in the middle of the desert.

'You mean to say that Stryfe is hiding in that tiny little bunker?' Maddie snorted. 'From what I've heard, he used to be one for giant complexes with lots of guards.'

'I'd hate to admit it, but Madelyne's right.' Jean added. 'That bunker doesn't look like much of an arch-villain hideout… unless there's a secret AIM stronghold underneath or something.'

'Funny you should say that actually, Jean.' Cable replied as the image on the projector changed to a three-dimensional x-ray image showing a compound having many levels underneath the ground. 'I believe that Stryfe is somewhere in this underground compound.'

'I guess he's done away with the MLF.' Rachel sniffed as she looked closer at the x-ray image. 'But why AIM? They're not exactly well known for working well with mutants.'

'Your guess is as good as mine, Rachel.' Cable shrugged. 'Whether Stryfe has joined forces with AIM or not, we have to find out what these dreams were about.'

'Not that I want to pooh-pooh your plans or anything, Nate...' Alex piped up. 'But why are Rachel and I even _included_ here? We didn't even _have_ those freaky dreams.'

'He's right.' Rachel nodded. 'The only things I dreamt of that night were naked blue chicks…'

'A little _too_ much information thank you, Rachel.' Jean winced.

'What's the matter, Jean?' Maddie snickered. 'Can't handle a little kinkiness?'

'Bite me, Pryor.' Jean sneered.

'There's only one person that I'd like to bite and she sure isn't you.' Maddie hissed back.

'Oh yeah, this mission is gonna be a whole _load _of fun.' Rachel whispered with a snicker.

'Tell me about it.' Alex concurred with another snicker.

**

* * *

The AIM Stronghold: Nevada-**

'Protect the Experiment!' The giant floating head known only as MODOK bellowed as the army of radiation suit-wearing soldiers opened fire at the Summerses. 'Those who do not fall to the mutant will answer to me!'

'What the Hell is this freak blathering on about?' Maddie growled as she sent soldiers flying with a TK blast.

'God knows.' Scott sighed, as he took more down with an optic blast. 'It's most probably some giant gun or biological weapon or some such. It's all these idiots do nowadays.'

'Hey Nate, you gonna join us?' Rachel yelled as she conked two guards' heads together with her TK. 'Or are you gonna leave the ass-kicking to us mere lackeys?'

'I can sense Stryfe's presence behind this door…' Cable mumbled as bullets harmlessly ricocheted off his TK force field.

'That's real nice, but would you possibly mind helping us here?' Alex complained as he took out more AIM soldiers with a plasma blast. 'It's the least you could do.'

Cable didn't even look behind him as the remaining AIM soldiers clutched their heads and screamed in pain before falling to the floor.

'That's my boy.' Maddie smiled proudly as she wiped a tear from her eye.

'You shall **_pay_** for this!' MODOK growled. 'They have given their life for MODOK. So shall you!'

'Whatever.' Jean sniffed as she swatted the giant head away with her TK. 'Why don't we see what they're hiding?'

'Jean, be careful!' Scott warned. 'There could be booby traps!'

'Oh Scott, don't be so silly.' Jean scoffed. 'This isn't Indiana Jones.'

As if in response to the redhead's comments, a lazer beam shot out and sent her flying across the room.

'Gee, I bet you feel stupid now, Jean.' Maddie snickered.

'Maddie, you're not helping.' Scott frowned.

* * *

**Inside-**

Once Cable had disabled the booby traps with his TK, the team of mutants headed into the huge vault-like room.

Rachel leant in closer to one of the glass booths to get a better look at the label.

'Hunh. These things must by cryogenic chambers.' Rachel commented.

'Cryogenic chambers for supervillains.' Alex added. 'Look at this, Johann Schmidt. That's the Red Skull, right? AIM must have put him in here after the Scarlet Witch crippled him.'

'Any sign of Stryfe?' Jean asked as she looked about her.

'This one.' Cable answered as he indicated one booth stood all on its own.

'Let's open it up then.' Maddie said as she walked over to the booth. 'No son of mine, clone of the original or not, is going to be kept frozen like an oversized fish stick.'

'Maddie, no!' Scott yelled.

But it was too late, Maddie had already opened the booth.

'Say hello to your mother, Stryfe…' Maddie said calmly as the figure inside began to stir.

'Mother…?' Stryfe croaked.

'Madelyne, be careful…' Cable said. 'The man is a monster.'

'Oh, shut up!' Maddie hissed. 'Everything will be all right. Won't it, Stryfe?'

'Oh, I wouldn't; say that…' Stryfe smiled evilly as he held out his hand and grabbed Maddie by the throat. 'These idiots thought that they found an ally, but what they found was their untimely death!'

'Umm, I think they've already been taken care of.' Rachel piped up. 'Cable melted their brains.'

'Always the show-off, eh Dayspring?' Stryfe sneered at his brother. 'You always **did** have delusions of grandeur.'

'Says you, Chaos Bringer.' Cable sneered back. 'Unhand Madelyne Pryor or I won't be held responsible for what pain I give you!'

'Enough with the melodrama, brother.' Stryfe sighed. 'Why waste breath with petty threats when you can just strike?'

'_I've never heard truer words, sonny._' Maddie snarled via her telepathy. '_Now, will_ _you let me go, or will I have to give you a spanking?_'

'Silence!' Stryfe roared as he tossed Maddie to one side. 'It is **your **fault Dayspring was brought into this world! Therefore, it is your fault that I have been brought up by a madman!'

'How can I be responsible for the actions of a madman when I was dead, you idiot?' Maddie sneered as she stood up off the ground. 'You Summers are always the same. Blaming other people for things they didn't do. I died before I even got to know you.'

Maddie regarded Jean with a glare. 'That _witch_ stole you away from me before my last breath had even left my body!'

'Then join me…' Stryfe offered. 'Let us wreak revenge on those that have wronged us!'

'Now who's over-doing the melodrama?' Maddie sneered. 'And what is it with calling yourself Stryfe? Was it too much for Apocalypse to give you a _real_ name?'

'Apocalypse was the only way for me…' Stryfe replied. 'Everybody had abandoned me.'

'Oh, boo-hoo.' Maddie snorted. 'Cry me a river. That's no reason to go on a psychopathic rampage across time. You killed Nathan's wife for Christ's sake. You make me feel ashamed to be called your mother. No. I'm not even your mother. You're just a pale vision of the original.'

Stryfe's face began to redden with anger.

'How dare you…?' He snarled. 'I shall rend your mind to pieces…'

'Uh-uh…' Maddie replied, wagging her finger in front of Stryfe's face. 'Don't raise your hand at your mother…'

Stryfe bellowed in rage as he lashed out with a TK blast.

'Maddie, no!' Jean yelled as she protected her clone with her own TK bubble.

'I've seen enough!' Cable yelled. 'You're going down, Stryfe! And this time, I'm going to make sure you **_stay_** dead!'

'No!' Maddie interjected. 'I won't have you two fighting any more. I have always been on about being a real mother. Now it is time for me to act like one. I'm going to discipline my son…'

Stryfe was suddenly struck by fear at Maddie's tone of voice.

'What are you…?'

Maddie didn't reply as she lashed out with a TK blast of her own.

Stryfe screamed in pain and fear as he felt his molecules begin to rearrange themselves.

'I think I know what she's doing…' Jean deduced as she took Maddie's hand, lending her clone her support and an extra kick with her own TK. 'Rachel, Cable… Join us.'

The two Summers children didn't hesitate as they joined hands with Jean and Maddie and added their TK to the pot.

'What the Hell are they doing?' Scott thought out loud. 'They're tearing him apart! We _have_ to stop them…'

'Don't be so hasty, bro.' Alex calmed Scott, putting his hand on Scott's shoulder. 'Let's just see where this is going…

Maddie gave one last yell of strain as she forced the last of her energy into the TK pile. The impending backlash sent Jean, Rachel, Cable and she falling backwards, complete with a baby Stryfe.

'Now I get it…' Scott realised as he helped Jean up. 'You used your telekinesis to rearrange Stryfe's molecules, reverting him to infancy.'

'Yeah…' Maddie nodded tiredly. 'I was fed up of boasting about how much of a good parent I should be. I decided to do something about it. Now I can make sure that this… Stryfe will grow up to be a man that I will be proud of.'

'Stryfe doesn't really seem to be a suitable name for a baby.' Rachel said. 'So what're you gonna call him?'

'Oh, I don't know…' Maddie shrugged. 'I'm kind of partial to Gabriel myself.'

'What about you, Nate?' Scott asked. 'This is _your_ nemesis that we're talking about. Are you okay with this?'

'Who am I to argue with my mother?' Cable smiled.

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Do Maternity Dresses Come in White Leather?**

_Emma and Kitty go shopping for the impending birth of Emma's child. They pressgang Hank and Piotr into going along with them. Emma Frost and Kitty Pryde shopping? With a near infinite credit line? Never a good sign…_


	7. Do Maternity Dresses Come In White Leath

**The Uncanny New X-Men**

**Chapter 7: Do Maternity Dresses Come In White Leather?**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**Shout Outs-**

**Needles- **_Yes, Emma and Kitty shopping for baby clothes is awfully random. And more than a little disturbing…_

**Sean Malloy-1- **_Watch out for another X-Wedding soon._

**GothikStrawberry- **_I'm not sure that I'd call the infant chaos bringer cute. Perhaps the right word would be _eeeeeevil!

**Agent-G- **_I'm sorry about the shortness of my chapters sometimes, my muse occasionally walks out on me partway through a chapter. And yes, Stryfe is dead in the comics. I'm not sure how long that'll last though, those darned Summerses never stay dead for long._

**Todd fan- **_I'm glad you liked the chapter, dearie. Hopefully you'll enjoy this one too._

* * *

**Quote of the day- **_'I generally specialise in turning people on.'_**- Guy Gardner (The OMAC Project)**

* * *

**Kitty Pryde's Room, the Xavier Institute for Higher Learning-**

Lockheed the Dragon was awoken from his peaceful slumber by the sound of his pet human, Kit, and her mate. **(1)** They were not trying to mate however, which was unusual for a prime example of perfectly fit young humans of breeding age. Lockheed found the way that humans mated most disgusting. He usually had to leave the room when his pet began the mating dance. It was something called a 'lap dance', whatever that was. Humans were a complete and utter mystery to Lockheed.

Lockheed couldn't really be bothered to get up today. It was too cold to go flying. That was until he detected the aroma of freshly cooked bacon wafting from the lower levels of his pet's home. Lockheed's laziness soon lost out to his hunger as the dragon hopped off the bed and headed downstairs to see what he could scrounge, almost getting trodden on by one of his pet's friends as he walked out the door. Lockheed didn't know the human's name but the female was definitely one of the older humans in his pet's den. The female was the one that his pet's earlier mate, the one that smoked the horrid paper sticks, **(2)** was always arguing back when they lived on that small island where it was _really_ cold!

'Watch where yuir goin', ye daft eejit!' The female yelled. Lockheed paid her no heed and carried onwards.

Lockheed could hear his pet talking with the older female.

'Moira! Don't be so mean!'

'Well, the bloody rat shouldnae be walkin' aboot like that. I couldae tripped over, and do m'self a mischief. Why isnae he flyin' anyway?'

'Maybe he's a lazy bleedin' sod?' The stinky male chipped in with a smarmy smirk.

'Good morning to you, Wisdom.' The pet human retorted. It was clear to Lockheed that there was still some tension between his pet and the stinky male. But it was mostly kind-hearted teasing. Well, Lockheed hoped so or he would have resorted to stealing his paper sticks again. That was if the stinky male still had his paper sticks. His new mate, the blonde one that could set herself on fire, **(3)** had thrown them all away. She said it was something to do with all the younglings due to hatch. Lockheed liked the blonde female. She was pretty and warm.

Lockheed carried on his way. The upper level was beginning to get a bit hazardous for Lockheed to walk, so he decided to take to the air, narrowly avoiding another of his pet's friends. This time is was the redheaded female that Lockheed had often seen nesting with the blue female. **(4)**

'Whoa there, Dragon!' The redhead yelped. 'A little anxious to get to the bacon, aren't you?'

Lockheed didn't reply as he flew onwards. He did hate it so when people called him 'Dragon', his name was Lockheed. Why couldn't the humans see that?

The next human that Lockheed happened across was the big blue male that looked like a feline. **(5)** Lockheed liked the blue feline male, he always had those sugary treats stashed away somewhere. Lockheed was one of the only people that the feline male would share the treats with. The feline male wouldn't even share his treats with his clutchmate, the cold one. **(6) **The blonde female that was the feline's mate **(7)** was also a rare recipient of the sugary treats. But Lockheed suspected that was just because the female was expecting the male's younglings.

'Good morning, Lockheed.' The feline male smiled happily, a little too happily for so early in the morning in Lockheed's point of view. 'Eager to be the first to the bacon, I see.'

'Yah-yah!' Lockheed replied, nodding his head vigorously.

'Then perhaps you would prefer to sit upon my shoulders?' The feline male offered. 'It would save you the trouble of propelling yourself.'

'Heh.' Lockheed snickered as he sat upon the feline male's shoulders. He would be certain to get the best choice in bacon now. Nobody dared to get in the way of the feline male's food. Not even the short male **(7)** that smelt like his pet's old mate.

**

* * *

Later that day-**

Breakfast had finished and the X-Men went about their usual business. Kitty and Emma were planning a very important shopping trip. All they needed was a pair of willing males to help them with their bags.

'For the last time, I will _not_ be your packhorse!' Hank crossed his arms. 'I am a doctor, Emma, not a luggage handler! '

'But you can't expect me to carry the bags, Henry…' Emma responded, sidling up to her fuzzy blue partner and running her hand through his fuzzy blue chest hair. 'I am carrying our child, you know.'

'Emma, your feminine wiles, as lovely as they are, will not work on me this time.' Hank said levelly.

Emma narrowed her eyes at her partner's reluctance.

'If you don't help me, I will tell Robert where your secret Twinkie stash is!' Emma threatened.

'You wouldn't dare!' Hank gasped.

'Try me, Henry…' Emma smiled. She had Hank in her clutches…

Hank growled under his breath. He couldn't possibly let his beloved Twinkies fall into the clutches of the dreaded Bobby Drake.

'I will be your willing accomplice…' Hank sighed. 'But only for the sake of the Twinkies.'

'I'm glad that you have sorted out your priorities, Henry.' Emma rolled her eyes.

* * *

**Later still-**

Emma had finally convinced Hank to join herself and Kitty on their shopping trip. Kitty had also convinced Piotr to come along, to a little more success than Emma.

'Ooh, we have to go in here!' Kitty said as she herded everybody towards a random shoe store.

'Katherine, need I remind you that we are here to find suitable purchases for the baby?' Hank sighed. 'We are not here to add to your already expansive shoe collection.'

'Oh. Come now, Henry dear…' Emma tutted. 'A young lady can never have too many shoes.'

'Oh my stars and garters…' Hank rubbed the bridge of his nose. 'I am only doing this for the Twinkies. Just think of the Twinkies…'

'I am sure that no harm will come to us, Tovarisch.' Piotr reassured his friend.

'You do not seriously believe that do you, Peter?' Hank asked.

'Not for one moment.' Piotr shook his head.

Emma turned to Kitty with a quizzical expression on her face.

'All the maternity dresses we have seen so far are horrid.' The blonde telepath sneered in disgust. 'They're… _floral patterns!_'

'Good God!' Kitty mock gasped. 'We cannot possibly have Emma Frost in something like that, can we?'

'I should certainly think so.' Emma agreed. 'Jean Grey maybe…'

'I was joking, Emma.' Kitty rolled her eyes. 'I thought you were supposed to be friends with her now. She is the godmother of you child, remember?'

'Yes…' Emma nodded. 'Jean is my friend…'

'That's better.' Kitty smiled.

Emma snapped her fingers as she got an idea.

'Do maternity dresses come in white leather?'

'Emma, dearest…' Hank begged. 'Please tell me you are joking…'

'I never joke about fashion, dear.' Emma shook her head.

Hank groaned out loud once more.

'I am only doing this for the good of the Twinkies. Just think of the Twinkies…'

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Diamonds and Dragons**

_Engagements and fluffiness ensue as Emma and the others return from their shopping trip. Also, there is something lurking in the woods near the mansion. Who, or what, is it and what do they want with Lockheed? Tune in next time to find out…_

* * *

**Author's Notes-**

**(1)-**_Kit and her mate: Kitty and Piotr._

**(2)- **_Stinky Man: Pete Wisdom._

**(3)- **_Fire Girl: Amara._

**(4)- **_Redhead and Blue Female: Rachel and TJ._

**(5)- **_Blue Feline: Hank._

**(6)- **_The Cold One: Iceman._

**(7)- **_Smelly Short Male: Logan._


	8. Diamonds and Dragons

**Uncanny New X-Men**

**Chapter 8: Diamonds and Dragons**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**The Xavier Institute for Higher Learning-**

Emma and Kitty had just arrived back from their shopping trip and were waiting for Hank and Piotr to finish unloading their many purchases.

Hank lay down one parcel with a heavy grunt.

'You know Emma, some assistance would me most appreciated.' The feline scientist grumbled.

'But Henry dearest, you can't possibly expect _me_ to carry such a heavy parcel.' Emma gasped, her face full of mock shock. 'Not in my condition.'

'Then what about you, Katherine?' Hank begged as he turned to regard Kitty. 'You cannot _possibly_ tell me that you are also expecting.'

'Nope.' Kitty shook her head. 'Peter hasn't knocked me up. I just don't wanna help.'

Hank hefted the heavy package back up again and proceeded to carry it inside, muttering all the way.

Kitty couldn't help but feel a pang of sympathy for the two men that she and Emma had forced to do their bidding.

'Y'know, I kinda feel sorry for those guys…' Kitty admitted to Emma. 'Perhaps I should go help them out.'

'And ruin your wonderful new manicure?' Emma gasped, once again in mock shock. 'Perish the thought.'

'Okay, now you're just abusing sarcasm.' Kitty rolled her eyes.

'I try my best, dear.' Emma smiled sweetly. 'Say, where is that delightful little dragon of yours? Usually he's the first one to greet us, sniffing around our new unmentionables.'

'That's funny, I was thinking the same thing…' Kitty narrowed her eyes as she looked about for Lockheed. 'Hunh. Perhaps he's outgrown his panty fetish.'

'Men never outgrow something like that, dear. Trust me.' Emma tutted. 'Well, _here_ comes a suitable replacement…'

Kitty held her face in her hands as she saw an all-too familiar sight running towards them. If Lockheed the Dragon wasn't there to sniff around a young woman's underthings, Wade Wilson usually was.

'Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! What'cha got me?' Wade asked as he bounced about excitedly. 'Did you get me something pretty? Ooh! Are those new underthings? Lemmie have a look!'

Kitty phased the bag out of Wade's grip before he could even lay one finger on it.

'Now that was just mean.' The former Merc-With-A-Mouth sulked. 'With the way you two're acting, people would think that a man taking an interest in a lady's underthings is wrong.'

'That's because it is, you pervert.' Emma retorted. 'Now, be off with you before Henry returns.'

'Oh, what's McCoy gonna do to me?' Wade snorted as he crossed his arms over his chest. 'Lick me to death? Recite equations until I die of boredom? Please! He wouldn't know a fight if it walked up and kicked him in the pants. He's standing right behind me, isn't he…?'

'Good afternoon, Mr Wilson…' Hank smiled. 'How may we help you on this fine winter's afternoon?'

Wade began to babble uncontrollably at the sight of Hank McCoy standing at his full height. It was quite a fearsome sight.

'I-I-I was just leaving…' Wade smiled innocently as he began to back away. 'I have to go… clean my… house…'

And with that, Wade ran away only to trip over a garbage can. He quickly composed himself however, and continued to run.

Wade didn't stop until he was halfway through the dense woodland that surrounded the Institute.

'Ummm, I don't think I'm in Kansas anymore…' Wade realised as he looked around at his surroundings. 'Hello? Is anybody there? Dorothy? Mr Scarecrow? Toto?'

When no reply came Wade continued onwards in search of a way out. He soon came across a small cave.

'Hunh. I never knew we had any caves here..' Wade then hugged himself in fear. 'Oh God, I hope it isn't the home of one of those N'Garai **(1) **thingies. I'm too sexy to be demon food…'

Despite his common sense, Wade slowly began to walk into the cave. He gulped nervously as he saw the bones of various small animals strewn about the place.

'It'll be just my luck if I run across some kind of giant killer rabbit **(2)**…' Wade muttered to himself. 'And here I am without a Holy Hand Grenade…'

Wade continued onwards into the cave.

'I should really have waited for another one of the X-Men.' Wade muttered to himself. 'Perhaps one of those annoying little snot-nosed kids. Yeah. I'll go back and get myself some cannon fodder…'

Wade was about to turn around and do just that when he heard something move in the darkness.

'They're _heeeeere…_' Wade said in a high-pitched voice. 'Whoever you are, come out and _plaaaa-aaay!_'

Wade jumped back in surprise as he saw a pair of yellow eyes peering back at him through the darkness.

'Gah! Get back!' Wade commanded. 'Get back! The power of Christ compels you!'

Wade slowly backed away as the yellow eyes began to advance on him.

'Umm… Please stay back?' Wade asked weakly. 'Please…?'

* * *

**Elsewhere-**

Emma and the others had just about finished unloading their purchases from the car when they heard a girlish shriek coming from the depths of the woods.

'That sounded like Deadpool.' Emma noted as she admired her nails nonchalantly.

'Do you think we should go help him?' Kitty asked, equally nonchalant.

'Why go to all the bother?' Emma shrugged.

'But Emma, we must help a teammate in need!' Hank pointed out.

'Do we _have_ to?' Emma groaned.

'No matter how much it pains us, the X-Men must fight for human and mutant cooperation and mutual _et cetera…_'

Just at that very moment, Betsy, Scott, Logan and Jean ran (well, waddled in Jean's case) outside to see what all the fuss is about.

'What the bloody hell was that?' Betsy asked as she screeched to a halt.

'Hank thinks Deadpool is in danger.' Piotr explained.

'Oh. Is that all? I'll be in the rec room if ya need me…' Logan sniffed as he turned around to depart. Unfortunately for him, Jean blocked his way with a telekinetic force field.

'No Logan. We have to go help him.' Jean reminded the feral mutant.

'Ya don't actually _care_ what happens to the loony, do ya?' Logan asked.

'Well, it may be the hormones talking, but I kind of find Wade's antics endearing.' Jean admitted.

'Besides, if Wade dies due to our lack of action, who will scratch my itches?' Betsy whimpered.

Several of the men's ears pricked up at the sound of that, but decided to keep quiet. Especially those of them whose other halves were telepaths.

'I can't believe that I'm saying this…' Scott sighed. 'But let's go save Deadpool…'

* * *

**Back at the cave-**

The X-Men soon got their collective fingers out and hurried off to go find out what on earth had happened to poor old Wade.

Logan stopped and sniffed the air.

'Hey. Does anybody smell barbeque?'

Hank stopped beside him and sniffed the air as well.

'Yes. The air does carry a distinct aroma of grilled meat.'

'Yeah, like I said, barbeque.' Logan nodded.

'Maybe Wade stopped by to have ribs.' Kitty suggested.

'You don't seriously think that, do you Kitty?' Scott blinked.

'Wishful thinking, I guess.' Kitty shrugged. 'I was hungry and thinking of ribs.'

Betsy's eyes widened in surprise as she saw a smouldering figure stumble out of the cave.

'Oh God! Wade!' Betsy gasped as she ran up to her Kentucky Fried Boyfriend. 'Are you all right, luv?'

'Finger-lickin' good, Cute Buns…' Wade coughed as he fell into Betsy's arms. 'That thing in the cave weren't no giant killer rabbit though…'

'I'm not sensing any sort of sentience in there…' Jean reported as she made a telepathic sweep. 'But there is some faint feeling in there. It's kind of the same feeling I get when Lockheed's here…'

'Lockheed!' Kitty yelled as she dashed off into the cave.

'Katya! No!' Piotr shouted after her as he ran after her.

'What a revoltin' development this has turned out to be…' Logan groused.

* * *

**Inside the cave-**

Piotr screeched to a halt inside the cave and narrowly avoided running into a stationary Kitty.

'Katya, what is the matter?' Piotr asked concernedly. 'Is there a problem?'

Kitty didn't reply, she only pointed at something nearby.

Piotr narrowed his eyes to try and see what his girlfriend was pointing at. His jaw fell open as he saw what Kitty was pointing at. Lockheed was snuggled up against a smaller green dragon in a nest. The two dragons were sitting atop several oval-shaped objects.

Piotr blinked in surprise.

'Are those…?'

'Eggs.' Kitty finished for him. 'That's where Lockheed has been all this time. He's been shacked up with some tart.'

Lockheed let out a hiss in response.

'Sorry.' Kitty winced. 'No offence.'

'Feh.' Lockheed sniffed as he settled back down beside his mate.

'So that was why he set fire to Deadpool.' Piotr deduced. 'He was only guarding his children. But why did he not attack us?'

'Because he knows us, silly.' Kitty smiled. 'Lockheed knows that we don't mean his family any harm. Anyway, I think we'd better get moving. Give the happy parents some space.'

Piotr just nodded in reply and followed Kitty outside.

Once the pair had walked out of the cave, the other X-Men ran up to check on them.

'Kitty! What was in there?' Jean asked.

'Is it big enough to roast on a spit?' Logan smiled hopefully.

'Can I go back in there and hit it?' Wade coughed.

'Everybody just move along…' Kitty ordered as she shooed everybody away. 'There's nothing to see here. Go on. Move along.'

A disappointed groan rose from the assembled X-Men.

'Surely this new creature needs to be studied and documented.' Hank piped up. 'You must let us in there.'

'No such luck, bub.' Kitty replied, still blocking everybody's path. 'So, unless you want to get a good butt-kicking I'd advise you to move along.'

The X-Men reluctantly turned around and slunk back towards the mansion.

'Do you think that keeping these baby dragons is such a good idea?' Piotr asked. 'Just think about poor Wisdom. You know how much trouble he had with Lockheed when we were with Excalibur.'

Kitty smiled at the thought.

'Now, **that's** a good idea…' Kitty chuckled to herself. 'I could have my own army of dragons. Fly my pretties, fly!' Kitty started to cackle madly.

Piotr just shook his head at that.

'You have been hanging around Deadpool too much.' The Russian mutant stated. 'His insanity has started to rub off on you.'

Kitty shivered at the thought.

'Brrrr. Kinda freaks you out, don't it?'

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Cable Isn't The Messiah…**

…He's A Very Naughty Boy! _Cable invites Scott, Jean and Baby Rachel onto Providence to have tea. Madelyne and Baby Gabriel are also there. You know that sparks will fly whenever Jean and her clone get together. Add Deadpool to the mix and you've got one great party! Well, that's if Betsy can keep them from tearing each other to shreds…_

* * *

**Author's Notes-**

**(1)- **_The N'Garai are demonic creatures that have popped up to mess around with the X-Men several times. Kitty blew one up with the afterburners of the Blackbird on her first Hannukah away from home. Go Kitty!_

**(2)- **_Wade is, of course, referring to the Rabbit of Caerbannog from _'Monty Python and the Holy Grail'.


	9. Cable Isn't The Messiah

**Uncanny New X-Men**

**Chapter 9: Cable Isn't The Messiah...**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**The Xavier Institute for Higher Learning-**

It was a very special day in the home of the X-Men. Scott and Jean Grey-Summers had been invited to dinner. The mutant wannabe Messiah known as Cable had invited them to come and have dinner in Providence, his floating island headquarters. Jean was more than happy to go. She wanted to show Rachel off to her older brother. Scott, meanwhile, was a little more vary. For all he knew, the visit could turn into an attempt to recruit them over to Cable's side.

Jean and Scott were presently waiting in the Institute's foyer. They were waiting for some more guests.

'I really don't know why Nathan bothered to invite him.' Scott sighed. 'Inviting somebody like him will only lead to trouble.'

'Oh, don't be such a worry-wart, Slim.' Jean rolled her eyes at her husband's complaints. 'Perhaps Nathan just wants his family and a few friends over. It's a pity that Rachel's busy on a date, though. Nathan would have loved to have caught up with her.'

'Which Rachel are we talking about?' Scott blinked confusedly.

'I think you know who I mean.' Jean shook her head. 'Baby Rachel is a little too young to go dating just yet, don't you think?'

'I knew that.' Scott smiled nervously.

Both senior X-Men turned as they heard somebody walking down the stairs.

'Wade, stand still! Just... stop fidgeting!' Betsy groused as she tried to tie Wade's bowtie.

'I _am _standing still! I am _not _fidgeting!' **(1) **Wade whined. He obviously was fidgeting.

'Wade, just shut up, okay? You're just making it harder for yourself.' Betsy shot the former Merc-with-a-Mouth a warning glare.

Scott just sighed heavily.

'Explain to me why we agreed to go along with this.'

'Because you _really_ need some father-son time with Nathan.' Jean pointed out.

'And Wade had to come with us _because...?_' Scott continued.

Wade skipped down the stairs and slapped Scott on the back.

'Hey there, Slim. The way you keep on talking, people will think that you don't like me.'

'That's because I don't.' Scott glared. 'You are annoying and immature.'

'And you are anally-retentive and don't know how to have fun.' Wade countered.

Scott narrowed his eyes angrily behind his ruby quartz glasses.

'Do you want to make something of it, Wilson?' Scott growled.

Wade glared back at Scott, looking him right in the eye.

'Bring it, Shades. I'll have you using your intestines as a skip rope before you even realise.'

Betsy and Jean just shook their heads at the men's posturing.

'This is going to be a _looong_ dinner date.' Jean groaned.

'There is a way we could sort this all out...' Betsy countered. 'Wade and Scott could fight for our approval.'

Jean's eyes lit up at the thought.

'Ooh! There could be baby oil involved.' **(2)**

* * *

**Later-**

The quartet of X-Men, as well as Baby Rachel, were now in Providence. Cable had teleported them all there. The trip was mildly disconcerting, especially for Jean, who hadn't yet fully recovered from her pregnancy.

The man that met them had red hair was dressed head-to-toe in a green bodysuit complete with a mask that covered most of his face, except his mouth and chin. Wade recognised him right away.

'Well, as I live and breath, if it ain't my old friend, Solo.' Wade grinned as he walked up and patted the anti-terrorist Punisher wannabe on the back. 'Hey, where's Chewie? Still fixing up that pesky hyperdrive?' **(3)**

'Don't touch me.' Solo glared.

'Geez. Hostile much?' Wade sniffed. 'So, where is his almighty Wannabe Messiah-ness?'

'I have been sent to escort you to Cable's private dining area.' Solo explained. 'If you will follow me?'

The quartet did as they were told and followed Solo to where they would be dining. Somebody was already there. Jean wasn't best pleased to see who it was.

'Oh _joy_.' The redheaded telepath sighed. '_She's_ here.'

'Always a pleasure to see you, Jean.' Madelyne Pryor gave her an obviously fake smile.

'Ooh. This is gonna be a **great** dinner date.' Wade grinned. 'I can tell.'

Betsy just shook her head.

'Wade, don't encourage them.'

* * *

**Tea time-**

Everybody had taken their seats once the tea had been served. As well as having tea, there were several fine pastries laid on. Wade was more than happy to see several Twinkies amongst the cinnamon swirls and donuts.

'Umm, Wade... Is it really wise to cram that many Twinkies into your mouth?' Scott blinked.

'No talk.' Wade grunted, spattering globs of half-eaten Twinkies all about the place. 'Eating.'

'_Lovely_ boyfriend you have there, Betsy.' Maddie commented sarcastically. '_Very _gentlemanly.'

Betsy decided to change the subject.

'So Maddie, how are you getting on with Str... Gabriel?'

Maddie ignored Betsy's almost-slip up and patted the snoozing Gabriel on the head.

'I'm getting along as well as you would think with a new baby when my partner has left because she was jealous.'

'Same old stuff, then.' Betsy smiled slightly.

'It's what I get for associating myself with a Summers, I guess.' Maddie shrugged. 'No offence or anything, but I think the whole line is messed up.'

'I am sitting right here, you know.' Cable piped up. 'I may be a Wannabe Messiah, but I still have feelings.'

'Sorry, Nathan...' Maddie apologised. 'I didn't mean anything by it. But you have to look at it from my point of view... The Summers family line is barely stable, is it? Just look at all the alternate reality relatives, clones, and long-lost siblings you have...'

'Okay, perhaps you have a point there.' Cable conceded. 'But everything is okay now, right? No earth-shattering events due to fall into our laps?'

'If you're asking me whether I'm going to go all Inferno-y now that Vanessa has left me, then no. I'm not going to try and invade Manhattan with a hoard of demons.'

'Good to hear.' Jean added with a nod.

Maddie shot Jean another glare.

'So, how is Baby Rachel?'

'She's fine.' Jean glared back.

'Good.' Maddie sniffed.

'Fine.' Jean shot back.

Then it was Scott's turn to change the subject.

'Do you know who I haven't seen in a while? Howard the Duck.'

'Well, do you remember that time I cooked dinner?' Wade replied. 'The crispy duck with the pancakes?'

Scott's eyes widened in relisation.

'You didn't...?'

Wade just tapped his nose conspiratorially.

Scott's face started to turn green.

'Oh God. I think I'm gonna puke...'

'Y'know, that gave me an idea...' Wade continued, just ignoring Scott's complaints. 'Who fancies Korean? We could hunt down that Werewolf by Night guy. Or if you don't fancy that, we could capture Namor and have fish and chips. Maybe sushi.'

Everybody looked at Wade dumbstruck. They were disgusted that he would suggest such a thing.

Wade's shoulders slumped with a heavy sigh.

'And I just got that new harpoon as well...'

* * *

**After tea-**

After tea it was time for a guided tour. Cable was showing everybody around with Solo and Irene Merryweather. Irene was a former writer for the Daily Bugle, and had accepted a place on Cable's staff to document his escapades.

'So Nathan, it's wonderful to see you with a woman after all these years.' Maddie said. 'For a while there, I was starting to think that you weren't in to that kind of thing.'

Irene cleared her throat nervously.

'Nathan and I aren't...'

'_Suuuure _you're not, Mary Magdalene.' **(4)** Wade smirked.

'Do you wanna say that again, Wilson?' Irene narrowed her eyes angrily.

'What're you going to do?' Wade snorted. 'Stab me with a pen?'

Wade thought about that last comment for a moment.

'Umm... perhaps that wasn't the best idea. What do you say we move along?'

'Best idea I've heard all day.' Scott muttered.

Jean cuddled up to her husband and laid her head on his shoulder.

'Awww. You're not getting antsy, are you, Slim?' Jean teased. 'Do you want Auntie Jean to make it all better?'

'Now that was just disturbing and incest-y.' Wade shivered. 'Auntie Jean? Brrrr.'

Jean shot the former merc a glare.

'Not helping.'

Wade just stuck his tongue out in response.

'Not trying to.'

Betsy simply swatted Wade upside the head.

'Hey!' Wade spun around to look at his purple-haired girlfriend. 'That was assault! Did you all see that! Betsy just assaulted me!'

'Oh, don't be such a baby.' Betsy rolled her eyes. 'Do you want Auntie Betsy to make it better?'

A lecherous grin spread across Wade's face.

'Will it involve chocolate?'

Betsy just smiled back coyly.

'Maybe...'

Wade punched the air with a cheer and began to do a happy dance.

'Woo-hoo! Chocolate! Go Wade, it's your birthday! It's your birthday! Uh-huh. Uh-huh.'

Cable blinked in confusion.

'And you actually have intercourse with this man?'

'Meh.' Betsy shrugged. 'He scratches my itch.'

Solo was starting to feel a little lonely. Nobody had talked to him for quite some time. Perhaps he had better start a conversation. Cable had said that he needed so socialise a little more. Perhaps now was a good time to start.

'Uh... while I live, terror dies.' **(5) **The anti-terrorist Punisher wannabe stated.

Wade put his arm around Solo's shoulders with a goofy grin.

'And while Deadpool lives, Twinkies die!'

Solo narrowed his eyes in anger.

'You're touching me.'

Wade moved his arm away with a roll of his eyes.

'_O-kaaaay..._ Somebody's a Grumpy Gus today. What's the matter? Somebody call you a scruffy-looking nerf herder again?' **(6)**

**TBC...**

* * *

**Next: Days of Hellfire**

_The Uncanny X-Men take on the might of Sebastian Shaw and the all-new Hellfire Club. Somebody is going to die, but who? Tune in next time to find out..._

* * *

**Author's Notes-**

**(1)- **_Gratuitous Homer Simpson reference. Hmm, Simpsons..._

**(2)- **_It's been a long time since I made a Buffy reference. I forget the episode, but Buffy was fed up of Angel, Riley, and their lame-ass annoying homo-erotic posturing._

**(3)- **_Solo/Han Solo. Get it? Anybody? No? I'll go away now._

**(4)- **_Mary Magdalene was Christ's... lady-friend. Or so the movie said._

**(5)- **'While I live, terror dies' _was Solo's catchphrase, and is ripe for taking the piss out of, don't you think?_

**(6)- **_Yet again with the Solo/Han Solo jokes. Princess Leia called Han a _'scruffy-looking nerf herder' _in The Empire Strikes Back._


	10. Days of Hellfire

**Uncanny X-Men**

**Chapter 10: Days of Hellfire**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**The Xavier Institute-**

Once again, Professor Xavier was holding court in the War Room. The Hellfire Club was up to its old tricks, and it was up to the X-Men to shut it down before something really bad happened.

'I wuz wonderin' when Shaw would show his ugly face again.' Logan smirked. 'Any idea what he's tryin' to do this time, Chuck? Revenge on the X-Men, or yer generic plot to take over the world?'

'Who really cares?' Kitty shrugged. 'Let's go kick his ponytail-wearing butt already.'

'I must urge caution, Katherine.' Xavier pointed out. 'As you will very well know, Sebastian Shaw is an opponent that we must not underestimate. There is no telling what sort of heinous plans he has for us.'

'Then why are we standing here?' Piotr asked. 'Should we not have a plan of some sort? or are we just going to charge in like some kind of gung-ho fools?'

'Sounds good t' me, Petey.' Logan smirked.

'Heh.' Lockheed added.

Then it was Scott's turn to take charge.

'Thanks to Emma's invaluable help, we have discovered a secret entrance to the Hellfire Club's headquarters right in the former Morlock Tunnels.'

'Oh, that is just divine.' Hank rolled his eyes with a heavy sigh. 'Do you have any idea how hard it is to wash the smell of sewer water out of my fur?'

'Don't tell me that yer scared o' wallowin' in the poop. McCoy.' Logan teased the fuzzy blue scientist.

'I am merely being a realist, my friend.' Hank pointed out. 'I was just thinking of how Emma would react when I arrive back smelling like a pair of Deadpool's undergarments.'

'And you know what Deadpool's undergarments smell like from prior experience, eh Hank?' Kitty smirked.

Hank shot the young X-Woman a glare and turned back to the holographic image of the Morlock Tunnels.

'What kind of security does the Hellfire Club have down there, anyway Charles?'

'According to Callisto's reconnaissance, the Hellfire Club has minimal security around the secret entrance.' Xavier answered.

'Kinda dumb, don't ya think?' Logan asked. 'They're askin' fer somebody ta tray an' attack 'em.'

'It's a good job that we are intending to attack them then.' Scott replied. 'Now, if that's all, I'd say that it's about time we gave Shaw a visit.'

'Sounds good to me.' Kitty cracked her knuckles with an eager grin. 'I've been looking forward to giving Shaw a good kicking for along time.'

'But Katya... You have not eve met Sebastian Shaw before.' Piotr pointed out.

Kitty shook her head with a sigh.

'Does one _really_ need a reason to want to kick that breeches-wearing pansy up the butt?'

'I guess not...' Piotr conceded.

* * *

**The Morlock Tunnels, later-**

The X-men were now trudging through the sewer tunnels that used to be the home of the Morlocks. Hank, of course, was still grumbling about getting sewer muck stuck in his fur.

'Oh my stars and garters... Emma will not be pleased...'

'Then why didn't you wear boots?' Kitty sighed, somewhat fed up with Hank's complaints.

'When you find boots that will fit my feet, then I will happily wear them.' Hank countered.

'You could have borrowed a pair of Cain's boots.' Kitty pointed out.

'Have you ever smelt his feet, Katherine?' Hank asked. 'They smell...'

'I think we get the picture, Hank...' Scott interrupted. 'We're coming up near the secret entrance to the Hellfire Club. Everybody keep alert.'

Lockheed let out an impatient growl. He was eager to get in there and kick some Hellfire butt.

'Calm down, dragon.' Kitty patted her friend on his scaly head. 'We don't need you flying in there and jeopardising the whole mission. We have to be careful.'

'Feh.' Lockheed sulked.

'So, how're we gonna go about his, Slim?' Logan asked. 'Go fer the sneaky option and take out the guards without them knowing it, or go fer the noisy option, and sic the dragon on 'em?'

'A little bit of both, I think.' Scott replied as he put his hand to his visor. 'I'll take the one on the far left. Logan, the one on the right is yours.'

'About time too.' Logan smirked as he unsheathed his claws with a _'Snikt!_'

Scott let rip with an optic blast, taking out one guard. Before his teammate could even make a move to defend himself, Logan was upon him with a flurry of adamantium claws.

While the guards were being dealt with, it was up to Hank, Kitty, and Piotr to find a way inside.

'Allow me to make ourselves a doorway...' Piotr said as he transformed into his steel-skinned form.

'No, Piotr...' Kitty put her hand on the Russian mutant's hand, preventing him from knocking down the door, therefore alerting more guards to their presence. 'If I remember correctly, this door uses an electrically-powered lock. And what happens when I phase through machines?'

'Heh. Excellent plan, Katherine.' Hank nodded in appreciation. 'proceed.'

Kitty stuck out her hand and phased it through the door's electronic lock. There was a brief burst of sparks before the door slowly swung open.

'Voila.' Kitty threw her arms open with a satisfied grin. 'Am I cool, or what?'

As if in reply, there was the sound of somebody cocking a gun.

'Not to fast, X-Man...' The Hellfire guard warned her. 'One false move, and...'

'Lockheed, I believe this guy's yours...' Kitty smirked.

Lockheed simply nodded in understanding and leapt straight at the Hellfire guard, aiming for the eyes.

'Ahh! Get it off! Get it off!'

Piotr rolled his eyes and bashed the guard on the head, quickly shutting him up.

'Now, into the belly of the beast...' Hank said as he cautiously led everybody inside. He made sure to keep his feline senses ready for any sign of more Hellfire guards.

'Hmm, this is most unusual...' Hank frowned to himself. 'Surely there would have been more Hellfire guards to fight.'

'What's the matter, fuzzy?' Kitty teased. 'Jealous that you didn't get to take any down?'

'I am sure that there will be much more time for taking on foolish Hellfire Club guards.' Hank countered, but first we need to find out what Sebastian Shaw is up to...'

'Then perhaps I can help you...' A feminine voice said from the shadows.

Lockheed gave the stranger a warning growl.

'Lockheed, don't be rude.' Kitty shushed him. 'Assuming that we can trust this woman, she may be able to help us...'

'Who are you, anyway?' Scott asked. 'Not some disgruntled guard, I bet.'

'Oh no, I am not a lowly guard...' The mystery woman chuckled. 'I am the new Black Queen. I have several... disagreements with Shaw's plans.'

'That's real nice an' all, but why are you gonna help us?' Logan asked. 'What's in it fer you?'

'Why, complete control of the Hellfire Club and all of its affiliated companies, of course.' The woman answered.

'Why should we trust you at all?' Piotr queried. 'How do we know that you will not try to attack the X-Men when we stop Shaw?'

'You will just have to trust me, then.' The woman sighed. 'Why are you heroes so distrustful?'

'Call it prior experience, I guess.' Scott shrugged. 'Now, who are you?'

The woman stepped out of the shadows. She was an attractive raven-haired woman dressed in a low-cut green dress with a long slit up one leg.

'I am Umar.' The woman introduced herself. 'And we must move with haste. Sebastian Shaw plans will destroy us all! He plans to conjure He Who Sleeps But Shall Awake: Shuma-Gorath!'

Hank groaned out lout.

'Oh my stars and garters. We are so screwed...'

**TBC...**

* * *

**Next: He Who Sleeps But Shall Awake**

_The X-Men and Umar take on Sebastian Shaw and Shuma-Gorath. 'Nuff said._


	11. he Who Shall Sleep But Shall Awake

**Uncanny New X-Men**

**Chapter 11: He Who Sleeps But Shall Awake**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**R-Man's Random Fact- **_In an alternate reality, a humanoid Lockheed was a member of the Captain Britain Corps._

* * *

**The lower levels of the Hellfire Club-**

The X-Men were being led through the lower levels of the Hellfire Club building by a raven-haired woman known only as Umar.

The woman claimed that she was on the same side as the X-Men. Sebastian Shaw was planning to conjure something called Shuma-Gorath that would inevitably destroy life as they knew it. Such a thing didn't agree with Umar, so she decided that she had better ally herself with the X-Men.

'This doesn't feel right...' Kitty whispered to Hank. 'How do we even know that we can trust this woman?'

'Yah! Yah!' Lockheed nodded his head.

'Unusual times make for unusual allies, my dear Katherine.' Hank pointed out sagely. 'Or would you prefer it if Shaw destroyed all life as we know it?'

'Well, seeing that you put that way...' Kitty nodded. 'I cheerfully withdraw my previous suspicions.'

Umar stopped and signalled for everybody to stay silent.

'We must be cautious...' Umar warned everybody. 'This whole building is crawling with Shaw's guards. The ceremony to raise He Who Sleeps But Shall Awake is of great importance to Shaw. He has stationed guards all over the building to make sure that he is not disturbed.'

'So that's why he started to rebuild the Sentinels, and all that stuff.' Kitty nodded in realisation. 'All that junk with the Hellions, and Deathbird kidnapping Bishop was nothing but a distraction to keep us busy.'

'Can't blame Shaw fer bein' thorough, I guess.' Logan shrugged.

'We must hurry.' Umar ushered everybody onwards. 'We have mere minutes until Shaw begins the ceremony to raise He Who Sleeps But Shall awake.'

'What kind of name is that?' Hank shook his furry head. 'Why not call him Cecil, or Bartholomew?'

'I do not think we have enough time for jokes, Hank.' Piotr told the fuzzy blue scientist. 'We must stop Shaw before he ends all life as we know it!'

'Digging that hyperbole, eh Peter?' Kitty smirked.

Umar led the X-Men onwards.

'We have almost reached the raising chamber.' Umar explained. 'We must act in haste. We do not have much time.'

'Just point us in the right direction, Umar.' Scott nodded. 'And we'll show Sebastian Shaw that we don't much like people trying to end all life on Earth.'

_'Such quaint sentiments, X-Man.' _An evil voice chuckled in everybody's head. _'But your paltry team of heroes cannot possibly defeat me!'_

'That's what you think, Shaw.' Logan growled. 'We X-Men have got a stubborn habit o' savin' the day.'

'Then why not join me?' Shaw's disembodied voice offered. 'I dare say that He Who Sleeps But Shall Awake will fancy a little snack after his millennia-long slumber.'

Without another word, the X-Men were teleported away.

* * *

**Elsewhere-**

When the X-Men came to, they found themselves in a dark candle-lit room. They all seemed to be magically bound to a giant pentagram etched out onto the floor. Umar was conspicuous in her absence.

'I knew it!' Scott snarled. 'Umar set us up! She had no intention of helping us defeat Shaw!'

'Oh, please Mr Summers.' Sebastian Shaw tutted. 'That's enough melodrama for now, if you don't mind.'

'Shaw...' Scott spat. 'Just wait until I get free...'

'What will you do?' Shaw smirked arrogantly. 'Blast me to pieces with an optic blast? I think not. You will find that your powers are quite useless in this room.'

'You may have as all trussed up like turkeys, Shaw...' Kitty added her two cents. 'But I think you're forgetting something. Lockheed wasn't transported in here with us.'

'Oh, please.' Shaw snorted in derision. 'What could one little dragon possibly do to me?'

'You ain't never seen the little guy open up a can of whupass before, have ya Shaw?' Logan chuckled with a smirk. 'Boy, are you in for a surprise?'

'Enough!' Shaw snarled. 'The time for the ceremony to begin is upon us!'

'Does anybody have a plan?' Hank asked around as he struggled with his mystical bonds.

It was Scott who answered.

'You guys all die horribly and painfully, and I spend the rest of eternity in the arms of the baby Jesus.' Scott replied.

'Was that... a _joke?_' Kitty frowned. 'Since when do _you_ make jokes?'

'I know.' Scott winced. 'I am a sick, sick man.'

'Uh-oh...' Logan growled. 'It looks like the party's about to start.

While the X-Men had been chatting amongst themselves, Sebastian Shaw had started the incantation to raise Shuma-Gorath.

The pentagram etched on to the floor below their feet began to glow blood red. The glowing pentagram became brighter still as Shaw chanted some words in a language that none of the X-Men understood. A glowing portal began to form in the centre of the room, right opposite Shaw's head.

'Yes. This is it...' Shaw whispered in awe as he looked up into the portal. The expression on his face was something akin to a man speaking with God, or Stan Lee, whichever your preference.

Kitty's eyes widened in surprise as a huge yellow eye peered at her from the other side of the portal.

'I was asleep. Now, I have awoken.' An otherworldly voice boomed. 'And I hunger!'

'All hail He Who Shall Sleep But Shall awake!' Shaw threw his hands up in celebration. 'All hail Shuma-Gorath!'

'Oh my stars and garters...' Hank groaned. 'Tentacles. Always with the tentacles.'

The portal slowly began to widen to allow Shuma-Gorath through. The X-Men all looked on as they saw the sheer size of He Who Shall Sleep But Shall awake. The... _thing_ looked like a giant yellow eye with gigantic green tentacles whipping around it. Shuma-Gorath was so huge that its merest movement threatened to bring down the roof upon the X-Men's head.

'Lockheed is takin' his sweet time savin' our butts.' Logan growled. 'Any time you wanna rescue us dragon...'

'Not so fast, Shuma-Gorath!'

'Oh, thank God...' Hank sighed in relief. 'Saved at last.'

The X-Men's saviours were Umar and Lockheed. They were also joined by a silver-haired woman wearing a magenta uniform with black highlights.

'I'm sorry that Doctor Strange couldn't be here.' The silver-haired stranger apologised sweetly. 'But he had to make a house call. **(1) **My name is Clea, by the way. I'm Doctor Strange's wife.'

'She is also my daughter.' Umar pointed out as she helped Clea to release the captive X-Men. 'But that is not the point. We must stop Shuma-Gorath before he can feed!'

'I don't think so, Umar.' Shaw shook his head. 'Shuma-Gorath, I promised you sustenance, now feed!'

Shuma-Gorath lashed out with a tentacle, but didn't grab hold of Umar, Clea, or one of the X-Men, he grabbed hold of Shaw instead.

'W-what are you doing?' Shaw spluttered. 'I have captured the X-Men for you to feed upon! I command you to destroy them!'

'Nobody Commands He Who Shall Sleep But Shall Awake!' Shuma-Gorath boomed. 'You have also awakened me from my slumber! I was having the greatest dream. I was sharing a hot tub of whipped cream with that succubus chick from that Darkstalkers game!'

Piotr looked at the other X-Men, confusion etched on his features.

'Did we just slip in to Deadpool's story for a moment?'

'Either that or the author got bored of this whole Hellfire arc and decided to finish it.' Kitty shrugged. 'Dammit! That Fourth wall thing _is_ contagious!'

'I hear that he has something planned with Apocalypse.' Hank piped up.

'Hank, shush!' Scott hissed. 'You'll spoil it for the readers.'

**TBC...**

* * *

**Next: Return of the Horsemen**

_Talking about Apocalypse, I wonder who the new Horsemen are? A former resident of the Age of Apocalypse, a former New Mutant brought back from the dead, the leader of the Brotherhood of Mutants, and one of the Summers brothers. Who are they? Tune in next time to find out..._

* * *

**Author's Notes-**

**(1)- **_Doctor Strange is busy in '_The Uncanny Four' _delivering Johnny Storm and Lyja's child._


	12. Return of the Horsemen: Part 1

**Uncanny New X-Men**

**Chapter 12: Return of the Horsemen- Part 1**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**The Xavier Institute For Higher Learning-**

Everything had returned to normal for the X-Men after their little skirmish with Sebastian Shaw and his all-new Hellfire Club. Seeing that Shaw ended up as a bedtime snack for Shuma-Gorath, they were sure that they wouldn't be hearing from the Hellfire Club anytime soon. Well, that was if that Umar woman could be trusted.

Scott and Jean were in the kitchen with Little Rachel. Scott was trying to feed his infant daughter, but the red-haired cutie wasn't having any of it. As soon as Scott placed a spoonful of baby food in Rachel's mouth, she would spit it straight out again. Scott's shirt was covered in mashed up vegetables and all of that other junk that could be found in baby food.

'Rachel, sweetie...' Scott sighed heavily. 'You have to eat. If you eat all the nummy food, you'll grow up big and strong, just like your older sister.'

Little Rachel just blew a raspberry in response.

'Well, I give up!' Scott groaned as he slumped down into his chair. 'If Rachel doesn't want to eat, then I doubt anybody is going to be able to make her.'

'Oh Scott, don't be such a pessimist.' Jean rolled her eyes. 'You just don't have a woman's touch. Observe...'

Jean picked up the spoon that Scott had dropped on the table and scooped up some baby food from the jar.

'Here comes the airplane...' Jean cooed as she started to move the spoon about as if it was flying. 'The airplane's coming in for landing, open up wide... _Vrrrrrrrrr...'_

Little Rachel opened up her mouth and allowed herself to be fed.

'Good girl.' Jean smiled as she wiped her daughter's chin. 'More?'

Little Rachel opened her mouth in preparation for more food.

Jean started to imitate an airplane again.

'Here comes the airplane... _Neeeeeeooowwwwww..._'

Scott just sat there with his arms crossed over his chest and sulked.

'It's favouritism is what it is...'

* * *

**Meanwhile-**

Scott and Jean weren't the only ones that had children to look after. Hank McCoy and Emma Frost also had their own child that needed their utmost attention.

It was time to change Christian's diaper. Hank looked at all of the equipment he'd need. Clean diapers, tissues to wipe, poopy bags, and talcum powder to make the baby's bottom springtime fresh.

Hank picked up the carton of talc at looked at it sceptically.

'Pray excuse my ignorance, but what good is talcum powder on a baby who's bottom is covered in fur?'

'Then don't use it.' Emma shook her head. 'Really Henry, for such an allegedly intelligent man, you know absolutely nothing about babies.'

Emma barged past her fuzzy blue partner and proceeded to change her son at quite an alarming speed.

Hank blinked in confusion.

'How did you...?'

'I am a woman.' Emma stated simply. 'We have an inbuilt knowledge of such things.'

Hank frowned slightly. Ask him to solve a complex mathematical equation, or ask him to whip up a brand spanking-new image inducer, and he'd have no trouble, but ask him to change a baby's diaper, and you'd have trouble. Having a great big pair of paws didn't help.

'You really do enjoy proving yourself to be superior, don't you?'

Emma clutched her heart dramatically.

'Why, Henry Phillip McCoy! You wound me so!'

Hank gave his lovely blonde partner a glare.

'Now you are abusing sarcasm.'

* * *

**Elsewhere again-**

Elsewhere the Institute, Kitty and Piotr were hanging out with Rachel (the grown-up one) and TJ. Lockheed was there, but he was more concerned with dredging up the remaining scraps of Kitty's potato chips.

'You seem to have gotten pretty used to the fact that there are two of you.' Kitty stated. 'Isn't that against the laws of the space-time continuum, or something?'

'This isn't _Back to the Future_, Kit...' Rachel pointed out. 'I think it's kinda cool having a little me around. A pretty odd kind of cool though.'

'Oh, I can't wait to have kids of my own...' Kitty gushed.

Piotr spat out his soda in surprise and Lockheed looked up at his pet human, the empty potato chip bag still on his head. Both Russian mutant and alien dragon looked at each other fearfully.

'I don't think Peter's ready for the pitter-patter of little Cossack boots just yet.' TJ smirked. 'But when he is ready, I'm sure that he'll be a wonderful daddy.'

'I'm a little worried about how Lockheed would feel though.' Kitty continued. 'D'you think he'd be jealous if there was somebody else getting doted on instead of him?'

'I dunno, Kit...' Rachel frowned thoughtfully. 'I kinda doubt the dragon's that shallow. he'd just be glad to have another pet human around to look after.'

Kitty nodded in agreement and picked her beloved dragon up off the table. Kitty removed the empty potato crisp packet from his head and tickled him under the chin. Lockheed cooed happily.

Unfortunately, the time of quiet relaxation was cut short as Professor Xavier's astral form appeared before them.

'_Kitty, Piotr, Rachel, Talia, you are needed in the War Room. The matter is of great urgency. You must hurry!'_

Then, Xavier's astral form disappeared as suddenly as it appeared.

'Nertz.' TJ pouted. 'Just when I was getting all relaxed and laid-back.'

* * *

**The War Room-**

Once again, Professor Xavier was holding court while the gathered X-Men listened intently.

'I apologise for interrupting your down time, but this is a matter that cannot wait until later.'

'It's not like we were actually doing anythin' _important_, Chuck.' Logan shrugged. 'The X-Jet ain't gonna service itself. Don't come runnin' to me when ya explode in a great big ball of fiery death when yer on yer way to yer next mission.'

Xavier activated the monitor screens around the room. The monitors showed four figures wreaking havoc in Washington. In fact, they were perilously close to the White House.

'It seems that the Horsemen of Apocalypse are up to their old tricks...' Xavier explained.

One of the figures on the screens looked like a flaming skeleton in some kind of see-through armour. He was shooting the place up with energy blasts from some kind of gun-type device where its right hand should have been. He must have been War. Another figure was wearing some kind of armour that covered their entire body. This person was grabbing people off the street and sucking the life out of them with their bare hands. That meant that he was Famine. The third figure was swathed in a black hooded cloak that hid his features. He was blasting people with energy from their hands. The unfortunate victims fell to the ground, their skin covered with boils and scabs. That could only have meant that he was Pestilence. The last figure was female, but that was all that could be seen of the person. She was wearing spiked armour that completely covered her body. She was also wearing a skull-type helmet and swinging around a nasty-looking sword. That meant that she was Death.

'I knew that t would only be a matter of time until Apocalypse reared his ugly head.' Scott narrowed his eyes angrily underneath his ruby-quartz visor.

'Do we have any idea who these new Horsemen are?' Hank inquired. 'They don't seem all that familiar to me.'

'Cerebra didn't recognise their mutagenic signatures.' Xavier shook his head. 'Either they are entirely new mutants, or Apocalypse has taken existing mutants and has tampered with their mutagenic signatures to such a degree that Cerebra was unable to recognise them.'

'I can't help but recognise that cloaked figure...' Scott leant forward to inspect the image of Pestilence. 'Those energy blasts almost look like... No, it can't be.'

Logan nodded in agreement.

'Now that ya mention it, that guy does look kinda familiar. When was the last time ya heard from Alex, anyway?'

'Oh, God...' Scott held his hands up to his head. 'With all that has happened, Rachel being born, and the mess with Shaw's new Hellfire Club, I never stopped to think where Alex was.'

'We can't know for certain that this new Pestilence is Alex, Scott.' Kitty tried to reassure the X-Men's Fearless Leader. 'Alex could have just got held up with his time away with Annie. I know I sometimes forget the passage of time when I'm out partying.'

'I'd rather see it for myself.' Scott shook his head. 'If Alex is Pestilence, then I'd dread to think who these other Horsemen might be...'

**TBC...**

* * *

**Next: Return of the Horsemen- Part 2**

_Has Alex been turned into the Horseman Pestilence? If so, what has happened to Annie What's-Her-Face? And what about the other Horsemen? Which X-Man has also lost a family member to Apocalypse's Horsemen? Tune in next time to find out..._


	13. Return of the Horsemen: Part 2

**Uncanny New X-Men**

**Chapter 13: Return of the Horsemen- Part 2**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**Washington DC-**

Washington DC was in quite a state. The Horsemen of Apocalypse were in town and were already making their mark.

'Remember what the master told us!' Death instructed the other Horsemen, waving her sword about. 'We are only to cause chaos and disorder until the X-Men arrive. We are not to go anywhere near the President.'

'Why not?' Pestilence turned towards the sword-wielding Horseman. 'Surely it would be a much better idea if we kidnapped him. We could hold him to ransom until the X-Men gave in to our wishes.'

'You are as stupid as you are inexperienced.' War sneered down at the cloak-wearing Horseman. 'The master gave us an order. An order that we must obey. Or would you prefer it if you incurred his wrath?'

Pestilence just grumbled under his breath and turned to attack some innocent bystanders. The Horseman's hands started to glow with unreleased energy as he prepared himself to blast the foolish flatscans.

Pestilence yelled in pain as a fireball blasted him in the back.

'That's the stuff, Lockheed!' Shadowcat cheered her dragon companion onwards. 'Let's show these jerks who's boss!'

Pestilence turned towards the attacking X-Men as they leapt down from the Blackbird jet.

'You dare attack on of Apocalypse's chosen?' Pestilence sneered in anger. 'You shall pay dearly for this!'

'Strong words from a guy that's about to get his butt kicked!' Nocturne quipped as she landed on the Horseman's back.

'Get off me, mutant filth!' Pestilence demanded as he tried to blast the blue-skinned mutant off his back.

'Pot, kettle, black.' Nocturne shot back as she leapt out of the way. 'Now, why can't we just be friends?'

'TJ! Look out!' Rachel yelled as she saw the Horseman known as War aim his gun arm at her teammate.

'Mutant filth!' War bellowed angrily. 'We are the Horsemen of Apocalypse! We are Apocalypse's chosen few! It is our task to cull the weak from the strong!'

'You talk too much, bub.' Rachel said as she levitated two cars into the air with her telekinesis. With a mere wave of he hand, the redheaded telepath slammed the cars on either side of War, creating a horrific vehicular sandwich.

Nearby, Jean was taking of Famine.

'You are one of the strongest, Phoenix.' The armour-wearing Horseman told her. 'You could have joined us, but you chose not to. You will regret making the wrong choice.'

'And you will regret the day when Apocalypse turned you into one of his Horsemen.' Jean shot back, the telltale fiery shape of the Phoenix Force appearing around her. 'Your powers are nothing compared to those of the Phoenix!'

Jean reached out a hand towards Famine. The Horseman clutched his throat as if he was being choked.

'Now, are you going to surrender, or will I have to pop your head like a zit?'

'I do not fear death.' Famine sneered. 'Kill me if you wish, but there will be another Horseman to take my place!'

Jean tossed Famine into the air with a wave of her hand. The armour-clad Horseman collided with an abandoned bus, almost breaking it in two.

Jean's eyes widened in surprise as she saw part of the armour around Famine's face fall away. She recognised the face behind the mask instantly.

'Magneto!' Jean practically shook with rage. 'This just gets better and better!'

Jean sandwiched the former mutant terrorist between the two halves of the broken bus.

'I've looked forward to this for a long time.' Jean snarled as she levitated the captive Magneto into the air. 'I don't think I'll kill you straight away. I'll beat you within an inch of your life. Then, just when you think you've healed, then I shall kill you!'

'Jean, don't do this!' Cyclops begged. 'Magneto may have done lots of terrible things over the years, but there's no need to kill him!'

'How can you say that, Scott?' Jean shot back. 'Magneto killed me, for God's sake!'

'It was an impostor, Jean.' Scott continued. 'Professor Xavier met the real Magneto in Genosha.'

'Pretty convenient if you ask me.' Jean growled. 'How do we know that Xavier isn't lying? We all know how chummy he was with Magneto back in the day.'

'Jean, this isn't you talking...' Scott carried on. 'It's the Phoenix! Please, don't do this! If not for me, for Rachel! For our baby daughter!'

Jean started to calm down. She couldn't do it. She couldn't let her little daughter be raised by a killer.

'Think yourself lucky, Magneto.' Jean sneered at the captive Master of Magnetism. 'Next time I won't be so forgiving.'

'Oh, isn't this just darling?' Pestilence sneered. 'The power of love is so magnificent, don't you think?'

'Don't do this, Alex.' Scott turned to his brother. 'Come back with us. We can help you.'

'Why would I want help, Scott?' The X-Man formerly known as Havok retorted. 'I've never felt better! Apocalypse has finally given my life a meaning, and I didn't need a stupid flatscan whore to tell me!'

'Where is Annie, Alex?' Scott asked. 'What do you think Apocalypse has done to her?'

'Apocalypse didn't have any need of her, Scott.' pestilence explained. 'She was deemed weak. Apocalypse doesn't need, not does he want, the weak. He only wants the strong!'

'Then I'm sorry I have to do this.' Scott bowed his head as he removed his visor.

'Oh, don't be stupid, Scott.' Pestilence snorted in derision. 'You know your powers can't hurt me.'

'Who said he was gonna use his powers?' Wolverine growled as he unsheathed his claws.

_SNIKT!_

Pestilence looked down at his chest and saw three adamantium claws protruding from his chest.

_SNAKT!_

Wolverine withdrew his claws, letting Pestilence fall to the floor.

'There weren't anything ya coulda done, Slim.' Wolverine patted the X-Men's fearless leader on the shoulder.

'I just wish that there could have been another way, Logan.' Scott sighed. 'He was my brother, for God's sake!'

'Trust me, bub.' Wolverine continued. 'He'll be fine. Alex is a fighter. He may be down, but he ain't out.'

Elsewhere, Shadowcat and Colossus were left to deal with Death.

'It's kind of ironic that you two were the ones left to deal with me, isn't it?' The sword-wielding Horsemen asked as she leapt out of the way as Colossus pounded on the ground with his great big metallic fists. 'What, aren't you even curious as to who I really am?'

'It does not matter.' Colossus retorted. 'We shall stop you, no matter what!'

'Is that so, Piotr Nikolievitch?'

Colossus's blood froze at the sound of the familiar voice.

'Illyana?'

Death slowly removed her armoured mask.

'Long time no see, huh?' The former New Mutant known as Magik smirked evilly.

'No... You are not Illyana.' Colossus shook his head, not wanting to believe his eyes. 'Not my Little Snowflake...'

'Oh, but I am.' Death smirked. 'Apocalypse brought be back from the dead. Okay, I'm a little older than I was when I died, but Apocalypse couldn't exactly let a child do all of his dirty work, could h...'

Death's taunts drifted off as she felt a tingling in her head.

'One false move, and I solidify my hand.' Shadowcat told her old friend. 'The real Illyana or not, I can't let you carry on.'

'You won't do it, Kitty.' Death smirked. 'You won't have the guts. I used to be your best friend.'

'Used to be.' Shadowcat pointed out. 'As in, not now!'

'We are truly sorry about this, Illyana.' Colossus apologised.

Shadowcat removed her hand from Death's head so Colossus could make his move.

Colossus dealt the Horseman a hefty punch to the face, smashing her against a nearby wall.

'Don't worry, Piotr...' Shadowcat reassured her boyfriend. 'If the real Illyana is somewhere in there, we'll find her. We'll get the real Illyana back.'

**TBC...**

* * *

**Next: Aftermath**

_With Havok and Illyana transformed into Horsemen, is there any chance that the X-Men can return them to normal? Tune in next time to find out..._


	14. Aftermath

**Uncanny New X-Men**

**Chapter 14: Aftermath**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**R-Man's Random Fact- **_Horses and rabbits can't vomit._

* * *

**A galaxy far, far away-**

'Stardate... _two-zero-zero-six-point-two. _I have teleported down to this... alien planet with my... crew. There were signs of those... _Klingon-bastards-nearby. _Those Klingon bastards! They killed... _my-son!_'

'Wade, please stop talking like that. it's really annoying.'

'Please... _stay-in-character!_'

Kitty Pryde shook her head and sighed heavily. Why, oh why, did she ever allow herself to be convinced to take part in this Danger Room session?

Wade, Kitty, and several other X-Men were dressed like the Enterprise crew. Wade had taken it upon himself to play the part of Captain Kirk. He was dressed in a gold jersey and tight black pants. Hence the bad acting. Kitty was playing the part of Lieutenant Uhura, while Kurt was Spock. Kitty was dressed in a tight red mini-dress, while Kurt was dressed in a similar fashion to Wade, but his jersey was blue. Wade would have asked Hank to join them to play the part of Doctor 'Bones' McCoy, but he was busy. Piotr was wearing a gold jersey in the part of Chekov, while Rahne and Warlock played Scotty and Sulu, respectively. They were both wearing red jerseys.

'These... _Klingon-bastards _can't be... _far-away!_' Wade said in his best William Shatner voice. 'Shoot... _to-kill... men!_'

'I cannae believe that I'm actually doin' this...' Rahne shook her head in disbelief. 'I dinnae even _like_ Star Trek.'

'I... _won't-tell-you-again!_' Wade shot the Scottish werewolf a glare. 'You have to... _stay-in-character!_'

'You are enjoying this too much, Captain.' Kurt piped up. 'Such behaviour is illogical.'

'Wade is a very illogical man.' Piotr commented. 'I would dread to think what would happen if he really was the captain of the Enterprise...'

'Don't make me put you... _in-the-brig_, mister!' Wade shot back. 'I won't have a... _mutiny-on-my-ship!_'

'I'll never know why we couldn't have programmed the Danger Room for a Star Wars simulation.' Warlock groused. 'At least then we wouldn't have ended up looking so damn stupid. Although, I do like how that mini-dress looks on Rahne, though...'

Rahne gave her husband a growl of warning, signalling that he had better shut up if he valued his life.

Wade peered over a rock to see several figures with long straggly hair and what seemed to be Cornish pasties stuck to their foreheads.

'Heh. They don't even suspect that were are right... _around-the-corner!_' Wade smirked as he reached for his phaser.

'Oh, I wouldn't say that, _Captain Kirk..._'

Wade looked up to see a Klingon that looked suspiciously like Bobby Drake. Standing next to him was another Klingon that looked suspiciously like Lorna Dane.

While Wade and co played the part of the Enterprise crew, Bobby, Lorna, and several more X-Men were made up to look like Klingons.

'I feel freakin' stupid dressed like this. Klingon Juggernaut grumbled.

'Oh, I don't know...' Klingon Aurora smirked. 'All that straggly hair makes you look rugged. I like it.'

'Can we get this over with already?' Klingon Sage piped up. 'I have better ways to spend my time, you know.'

Wade stood up and threw his arms in the air with an exasperated sigh.

'I don't know why I bother, really! I go to all this trouble and programme the Danger Room with my own Star Trek simulation, and you guys won't stay in character! You always stay in character for Kurt's stupid Pirates of the Caribbean simulation!'

'That's because we don't look like complete nerds dressed as pirates.' Kitty pointed out. 'Besides, I always get to be Kiera Knightley.'

Wade just grumbled to himself some more and stormed out of the Danger Room.

'Well, at least I can get out of this stupid mini-dress.' Kitty pulled the hem of her skirt down a bit so that it didn't show off so much of her backside. 'I'm getting a draft.'

'I think I might keep mine.' Rahne smiled. 'I think it might come in useful later.'

Kitty shot the redhead a withering glare.

'Do you think about anything else except sex?'

'Of course I do, ye silly arse.' Rahne snorted. 'I think about Warlock and me wee ones. And me motorbike. And cute little puppy-dogs.'

* * *

**The Med Bay-**

After the X-Men's recent battle with the latest incarnation of Apocalypse's Horsemen, Hank McCoy, Moira MacTaggart, and Cecilia Reyes had been very busy. Apocalypse had turned two of the X-Men, well one X-Man and one former New Mutant, into Death and Pestilence. Alex Summers and Illyana Rasputin were laid out in beds on opposite sides of the med bay.

Thankfully, Hank and his fellow doctors had managed to override most of Apocalypse's programming, but that was no easy task. Alex and Illyana had yet to wake up.

Piotr was sitting beside his sister's bed with Kitty beside him. Wade's little Danger Room session had done little to lighten their mood. Both were more concerned with Illyana's state of health after Apocalypse turned her into one of his Horsemen. Then there was the fact that she should have been dead.

Piotr brought Illyana's hand up to his lips and planted a gentle kiss upon her hand.

'Little Snowflake, I never dreamed that I would see you again. I thought that I had lost you forever.' Piotr whispered in Russian.

'You always were... a downer...' A weak voice replied.

Piotr dropped Illyana's hand and jumped out of his seat.

'What in the...?'

'Illyana!' Kitty exclaimed. 'You... you're okay!'

'Obviously.' Illyana smiled weakly. 'What, don't I get a hug or anything?'

'Perhaps when yuir well, lass.' Moira told the blonde mutant. 'Ye need tae rest.'

'Man, what a weird few days...' Illyana rubbed her head. 'It's been such a blur. I can hardly remember anything.'

'All that matters is that you are alive.' Piotr told her. 'You have missed so much since you... were gone.'

'Let me guess...' Illyana replied. 'Oh no, don't tell me... The Furtop finally got herself a man.'

Kitty just smiled knowingly.

'_Shut up!_' Illyana spluttered. 'Rahne's actually get herself a fella?'

'And then some.' Kitty chuckled slightly. 'Although, I wouldn't necessarily call him a fella...'

'It isn't that Wolf Prince from Asgard, is it?' Illyana scrunched her face in thought.

Kitty shook her head.

'Wait... It isn't... No, you can't be serious... Warlock? Rahne's shacked up with Warlock? _Warlock?_'

'Happily married with three beautiful triplets.' Kitty nodded.

Illyana shook her head with disbelief.

'Geez, the stuff you miss when you're dead. Next you'll be telling me that the White Queen is one of us now...'

Over on the other side of the room, Scott and Jean were talking to a newly conscious Alex. Unfortunately, their conversation wasn't quite as happy as Illyana's...

'Annie's dead, Scott. She's dead. Apocalypse killed her right before my eyes. Carter too.'

Scott reached out to put a comforting hand on his brother's shoulder.

'I wish there was something that I could say that would help, but... there isn't.'

'We'll battle through this, Alex.' Jean told her brother-in-law, giving him a loving hug. 'The X-Men always stick together. No matter what happens to us.'

'I loved her, Jean.' Alex sighed sadly. 'Why does my love life always end in tragedy?'

'Perhaps Annie wasn't the right one for you.' Scott suggested.

'Then who is, Scott?' Alex laughed bitterly. 'It's not like I can go back to Lorna. Not after I left her at the aisle. I bet she's upstairs with Bobby right now...'

'There's a right time for that kind of thing you know, Alex.' Lorna told the blond plasma-generator as she walked into the med bay with Bobby beside her.

'Oh, Bobby...' Alex really wasn't in the mood to deal with Bobby right now. 'I suppose that you've come to gloat about how much my life sucks.'

'Anything but, Alex...' The X-Man known as Iceman responded as he took a seat with a sigh. 'This may not be the right time for this, but... I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I acted so much like a jerk.'

'I guess I'm partly to blame.' Alex sighed heavily. 'I was the one that left Lorna at the aisle, and stole Annie away from you.'

'It's all water under the bridge, Alex.' Lorna gave her ex-boyfriend a gentle pat on the shoulder. 'We can't let stuff like this get us down.'

'I hope you're not gonna wallow in self-pity for too long, buddy...' Bobby smiled gently. 'Cuz we're raring to see you get back in the saddle. Our squad needs a leader, dude.'

'I'm sure that Gambit or Rogue will do a better job that me.' Alex replied.

'Dude, it's your team.' Bobby continued. 'We won't take no for an answer.'

'I'll think about it.' Alex pursed his lips thoughtfully.

'Atta boy.' Bobby grinned. 'You'll be up and about in no time.'

**TBC...**

* * *

**Next: Readjustments**

_Alex tries to readjust to life with the X-Men again. Will he ever get over the death of his dear old Annie? Tune in next time to find out..._


	15. Readjustments

**Uncanny New X-Men**

**Chapter 15: Readjustments**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**Quote of the day- **_'I'm a mutant but not a bad one like Magneto a good one like Doop and the X-Statix and when I grow up I'm gonna join the X-Men and get married to Wolverine so you better not act prejudiced around me.'_**- Molly Hayes (Runaways)**

* * *

**The Xavier Institute for Higher Learning-**

Alex Summers walked through the corridors of the Xavier Institute for Higher Learning. The younger Summers brother had been in a daze ever since Hank and the others broke through Apocalypse's conditioning. The ancient mutant warlord had killed the woman Alex loved right before his very eyes. That wasn't something that would be easily fixed. Even though the other X-Men tried to cheer Alex up, nothing could pick the blond mutant up out of his funk.

Alex looked up as he heard somebody yell out. It sounded like somebody was in trouble! The Institute could be under attack!

Alex ran in direction of the shouting and stopped as he reached the doorway into the kitchen. Three russet wolf cubs were attacking Wolverine.

'What's going on here?' Alex blinked in confusion.

'All I did was move their flamin' squeak toy outta the way.' Logan grumbled as he tried to dislodge one of the cubs from his arm.

'You know how protective the triplets are of their toys.' A visibly amused Kurt pointed out. 'Just think yourself lucky that you didn't try to steal their food.'

'Oh yeah, laugh it up, Elf.' Logan growled. 'Somebody's gotta talk to Rahne about proper discipline.'

'Or it could be another one of Wade's pranks.' Kurt suggested. 'Why, it was only yesterday that I heard him talking about wanting his own pack of attack dogs.'

Logan growled angrily and went to grab the errant wolf pup and rip it off his arm. The pup's other two siblings seemed to sense Logan's intent and went for the feral Canadian's jugular.

No matter how amusing a sight it was to see the almighty Wolverine being mauled by three young wolf pups, it didn't do anything to alleviate Alex's foul mood.

* * *

**Outside-**

Alex wasn't paying any attention to where he was walking. The blond mutant just stuck to one direction and kept on walking.

Alex stopped once he got to the edge of the little wooden pier beside the lake that bordered the Institute's grounds.

The plasma-generating mutant looked down at his reflection in the water below. Why did he survive? Why did Annie have to die? If there was a God, he must have one sick sense of humour to mess with Alex like that.

'Man, you are one hard guy to find.' Bobby Drake muttered as he fought his way through the forest of trees lining the lake. 'Dude, you are worse than that bit in Forrest Gump when he walks around America.'

Alex turned to regard the ice-manipulating mutant.

'What do you want, Bobby?'

'What?' Bobby asked innocently. 'Can't a guy come check up on his friend?'

'I don't deserve to be called your friend.' Alex shook his head.

'Hey, let's not get emo here, 'kay?' Bobby put a comforting hand on Alex's shoulder. 'Leave that kind of thing to the experts. Like Chamber, and... Well, just Chamber.'

Bobby patted Alex on the back with a mischievous grin.

'Now, down to the nitty-gritty... Lorna, me, Scott, Jean, and the rest of the old school X-Men are gonna go hit the town. You wanna come with?'

'I'm not sure a night out is what I really need right now.' Alex sighed.

'C'mon, buddy!' Bobby grinned. 'Crazy dance party in the big city!'

Alex's expression didn't change one bit.

'Sedate samba night at Harry's Hideaway?' Bobby asked again.

Alex's mood still didn't brighten.

Bobby frowned slightly.

'Right. Moping in the rec room it is then...'

Alex narrowed his eyes as he saw something in the sky it seemed to be coming closer.

Bobby narrowed his eyes to try and see what Alex was looking at.

'There isn't a meteor storm scheduled any time soon, is there?' Bobby blinked as he shielded his eyes.

'That isn't a meteorite...' Alex's eyes widened in surprise. 'That's a person!'

The two mutants watched on dumbstruck as the flaming figure landed in the lake, kicking up water in its wake.

'I'll go get the others!' Bobby announced as he headed back towards the trees. Alex just threw off his shirt and dove into the water. Whoever it was that landed in the lake, he had to rescue them before they drowned!

* * *

**The infirmary, later-**

Bobby had managed to rouse Scott, Jean, Warren, Lorna, and Hank. Along with Alex they were standing around the mysterious figure that had fallen from the sky.

The figure wasn't like anything that they had ever seen before. The figure's garb looked suspiciously like something that Thor would wear, but the figure was anything but human! The mysterious stranger's face looked like a horse's skull, but yellowish-orange.

Hank tapped his chin in thought as a slight memory tickled him in the back of his mind.

'Hank, you look like you know this guy...' Jean surmised. 'Care to enlighten us?'

'I don't have any experience with this person myself, Jean...' Hank answered. 'But I believe his name is Beta Ray Bill.'

'I've heard of him as well.' Scott nodded in agreement. 'He's a friend of Thor's. That's why he's kind of dressed the same.'

'But what is this guy doing in Westchester?' Warren asked. 'Why did he crash-land in the lake?'

'All those questions will have to wait until our guests regains consciousness.' Hank pointed out. 'Whatever caused our guest to fall to earth must have taken a lot out of him.'

Jean's eyes widened in surpise as she sensed something from their seemingly unconscious guest.

'Hank, look out!'

But Jean's warning came too late as Beta Ray Bill regained consciousness with a yell.

'Begone, demons!' Beta Ray Bill roared as he swatted the X-Men to one side. 'You shall not claim my life this night!'

'We've got to stop him!' Lorna groaned as she picked herself up from the floor. 'There's no telling what could happen if we let him loose!'

'Way ahead of you, Lorna...' Scott said as he reached for his visor.

Fortunately, Scott didn't even need to use an optic blast to subdue their guest. Beta Ray Bill's sudden burst of rage seemed to subside as he looked around at his surroundings.

'What...? Where am I?'

'You are sanding in the infirmary of the Xavier Institute for Higher Learning.' Hank told the horse-faced alien calmly. 'You crashed down to earth nearby.'

'Yes...' Beta Ray Bill nodded as he remembered. 'My last memory is of battling a foe not very far from this very planet.'

'Who were you fighting?' Bobby blinked in confusion. 'Shi'Ar Imperial Guard? Skrull Armada? The Brood?'

'It was one of the former heralds of Galactus...' Beta Ray Bill remembered. 'It was... It was... Terrax, the Tamer! Great Gods, he has come to destroy the Earth!'

**TBC...**

* * *

**Next: Tamed**

_The X-Men team up with Beta Ray Bill to take on Terrax the Tamer! _


	16. Tamed

**Uncanny New X-Men**

**Chapter 16: Tamed**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**Quote of the day- **_'Jean Grey is a sacred cow. At least we agree on half of that.'- _**Emma Frost (Astonishing X-Men #4)**

* * *

**The Xavier Institute-**

The X-Men all stopped and stared at their alien guest.

'Would you care to run by that again?' Bobby blinked. 'Y'know, for the benefit for those at home.'

Beta Ray Bill sat up with a groan. He rubbed the back of his neck, and started to recount his tale.

'I was travelling across your Solar System with an intention to visit my good friend, Odinson...'

'What-son?' Bobby blinked.

'He means Thor, Bobby. Sometimes Thor is known as Odinson' Jean explained. 'Carry on, Bill.'

'I had just reached the large gas giant that you call Jupiter, and was nearing the asteroid belt in-between said gas giant and the red planet, Mars, when I was blind-sided by an unseen foe.'

'Who so happened to be Terrax the Tamer.' Scott deduced. 'But why has he come to Earth?'

'Why do alien invaders usually come to Earth, Scott?' Warren countered, looking at the veteran X-Man like he was crazy. 'Usually to conquer and/or destroy us.'

'Sometimes, invaders from Mars come to Earth for the women.' A snickering Bobby quipped to himself.

'And to steal all our precious metals!' Lorna chipped in. The X-Men all gave the green-haired mistress of magnetism bemused gazes. 'What?'

'How long do you think it will take Terrax to reach Earth?' Alex asked.

As if in answer to the younger Summers brother's question, something large crashed to the ground outside, making the whole infirmary shake.

'The sky is falling!' Deadpool's voice emanated from somewhere along the corridor. 'The sky is falling! Run for your lives!'

'Terrax is here!' Beta Ray Bill declared as he tried to get up off the bed, then instantly regretted it. 'I must stop him!'

'You seem to be forgetting one thing, my jaundice-hued friend.' Hank stated, helping the Korbinite to his feet. 'You are here with the X-Men. We do not take kindly to alien invaders attempting to destroy our home.'

* * *

**Outside-**

A tall, bald, and muscular grey-skinned alien dressed in a blue-and-red uniform surveyed the mansion that stood before him. Terrax had arrived!

'Hunh.' The former Herald grunted as he regarded the meagre dwelling. 'So many inferior life forms, so little time to destroy them all...'

'You may have bested me in combat one time, but you will not best me a second!' Beta Ray Bill bellowed as he and the X-Men made their way out of the mansion.

'You should have lied down and embraced the darkness after the first time I bested you, Korbinite.' Terrax sneered. 'I shall not go so easy on you this time.'

'Bill isn't alone, ugly!' Iceman retorted. 'He's got the X-Men standing beside him!'

'Bobby, don't antagonise the alien invader.' Archangel whispered to the ice-manipulating mutant. 'You'll only piss him off even more.'

'Oh, _please!' _Iceman snorted in derision. 'What's the worst that he can do?'

'Mock me while you can, Earthling.' Terrax laughed. 'I will show you the true power of Terrax the Tamer!'

The grey-skinned former Herald held out his Cosmic Axe and blasted the ground beneath Iceman's feet with a beam of energy. However, Iceman himself was able to dodge the blast.

'Ha! You missed me, you big ugly doofus!' Iceman taunted, making a face at the mad alien. 'You shoot worse than Wolverine smells!'

The young mutant's laughs were soon cut short as the ground around his feet started to move.

'How do you think he got the name _Terrax_, Bobby?' Archangel groaned.

'Uh-oh.' Iceman winced. 'This can't be good...'

Iceman quickly leapt off the chunk of rock as it started to rise into the air.

'You've had enough fun, Terrax.' Cyclops pointed an accusatory finger towards the alien. 'Now, are you going to go away and leave this planet alone, or will we have to get physical?'

'Physical... Physical... Let's get physical...' Polaris began to sing. Then the green-haired woman realised that singing wasn't perhaps the best thing to do at the moment. 'Sorry. Carry on, Scott.'

'Man, I'm glad _you're_ dating her, Drake.' Archangel snickered.

Scott turned back to address Terrax.

'So, what will it be?'

An evil grin slowly spread on Terrax's face.

'Do you really need to ask?'

'I was hoping you'd say that.' Cyclops matched the alien's smile as he let rip with an optic blast. Unfortunately, the attack barely made Terrax move an inch.

'If that is all you Earthlings have to offer, then I am sorely disappointed.' Terrax shook his head in pity. 'And I was lead to believe that Earthlings were a hardy sort.'

'We're just warming up, buddy.' Archangel retorted as he took to the sky. 'You should have retreated while you had the chance!'

'Tiresome creatures.' Terrax sighed as he blasted the winged mutant out of the sky. 'Your kind always did talk to much.'

Next it was Iceman and Cyclops's turn again. Terrax easily fended them off with another blast from his Cosmic Axe. For all the might of the Phoenix Force that she could safely muster, Jean Grey couldn't stand up to the might of Terrax the Tamer for very long either. It was the same with Beast and Polaris. Havok and Beta Ray Bill were the only ones left.

'Well, it was nice knowing everybody.' Havok sighed as he prepared to make an attempt at taking Terrax down with a plasma blast.

'Hold...' Bill held up his hand, signalling that Havok should halt his attack. 'You project plasma, do you not?'

'Yeah, that's my mutant power.' Havok nodded. 'My brother does the eye thing, while I blow stuff up with my hands. Why, what's your point?'

Beta Ray Bill was about to responded when he too was taken out with a blast from Terrax's Cosmic Axe. Havok then noticed that Bill had dropped his enchanted mallet, Stormbreaker. Not that the mallet would be of any use to him. Stormbreaker had similar enchantments upon it, just like Thor's enchanted hammer, Mjolnir, including one that said that nobody could pick it up unless they were deemed worthy.

'You are the only one left, Earthling.' Terrax scowled as he aimed his Cosmic Axe in Havok's direction. 'Do you have any last words before you meet your maker? No? Very well. Prepare to be destroyed...'

The whole world seemed to move in slow-motion as Havok dove for Beta Ray Bill's enchanted mallet. Back inside the Institute, the students and other members of the faculty that had been watching from relative safety all shielded their eyes as a blinding bolt of lightning hit the exact spot where Havok had been standing.

_**KATHOOM!**_

'Oh, gosh...' Megan Gwynn, the Welsh mutant girl known as Pixie, put her hand to her mouth in shock. 'Is he...?'

'Nuh-uh. He's still alive.' Sharon Smith, the feline mutant known as Catseye shook her head. She pointed outside. 'Look!'

Everybody strained to see what was going through all the smoke and debris that the bolt of lightning had caused. Sure enough though, Havok was still alive. But this time he was holding Stormbreaker aloft. Also, his outfit had been transformed. His black costume looked like an Asgardian designed it, including a winged headband and silver armore pieces.

'Oh, Terrax is going down.' Deadpool grinned at the sight. 'Just when you think that Havok was gonna be the whipping-boy of the URM-Verse...'

Back outside, Terrax seemed to be shaken at the sight.

'You're not so cocky now, are you?' The now cosmically-powered Havok grinned. 'Now that you're faced with somebody who's even more powerful than you!'

'Bah!' Terrax snorted. 'Nobody is more powerful that Terrax the Ta...'

'OH, SHUT UP!' Alex roared, pointing Stormbreaker at Terrax.

_**CHOOM!**_

The former Herald of Galactus was sent flying off his feet by a blast of mystical lightning from the mallet in Havok's hands.

'Do you give up?' Havok asked.

'It is but a scratch.' Terrax retorted. 'You cannot defeat me.'

Havok brought the mallet down onto Terrax's head like a baseball player going for a home run. The blow sent the former Herald crashing through some nearby trees.

'I don't know about you...' Havok smirked as he rested Stormbreaker on his shoulder. 'But I could go on like this all day.'

Terrax tumbled out of the underbrush into a dignified heap.

'I shall rend the flesh from your bones!'

'And you were saying that Earthlings talked too much.' Havok smirked as he held Stormbreaker aloft. There could only be one thing that Havok could possibly say now...

'**_I HAVE THE POWERRRRR!!_**'

Everybody standing inside the mansion had to dive for cover as the windows were blown in with a colossal blast of energy.

_**KRAK-A-THOOM!!**_

* * *

**A short while later-**

The X-Men had all recovered and were gathered around the victorious Havok. The blond plasma-wielder had relinquished Stormbreaker to its rightful owner and had returned to normal.

Bobby poked at the charged patch of grass where Terrax had once stood.

'I've said this before, and I'll say it again... _Damn! _That was hardcore! I am _never_ going to call you lame ever again!'

'It kind of makes me regret that we split up.' Lorna added as she pecked Alex on the cheek. 'Good work.'

'I take it that you are no longer wondering about in your prior depressed state?' Hank inquired.

'It's funny how freeing incinerating a former Herald of Galactus with a mystical mallet can be.' Alex smiled. 'Although, I kind of doubt that Terrax found it funny.'

Scott then turned to Beta Ray Bill, also now fully recovered.

'Are you sure that we can't convince you to stay on Earth for a while?' The X-Men's fearless leader asked. 'Must you go so soon?'

'I am afraid so.' Bill smiled apologetically. 'I have prior business to attend to. It has been an honor fighting alongside you X-Men. Earth is in good hands.'

'And with that, Bill started to spin his mystical mallet around his head. The X-Men all watched their alien visitor rise up into the air, and then vanish in a flash of lightning and a crack of thunder. Once he had gone, Scott turned to regard his younger brother.

'You may be the toast of the Institute now that you beat Terrax...' Scott began. 'But there's still the matter of all the windows that you broke during the fight.'

Alex grimaced in realisation.

'_D'oh!'_

**TBC...**

* * *

**Next: Return of the Starjammers**

_It's time for a Summers family reunion as Corsair and the Starjammers pop in for a visit._


	17. Return of the Starjammers: Part 1

**The Uncanny New X-Men**

**Chapter 17: Return of the Starjammers- Part 1**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**Quote of the day- '**_I must break you.'_**- Ivan Drago (Rocky IV)**

* * *

**The Xavier Institute-**

Rachel Grey, the telepathic and telekinetic mutant known as Marvel Girl, was strolling through the lower corridors of the Xavier Institute for Higher Learning. The redhead was worried about her friend, Talia Josephine Wagner. The daughter of an alternate Nightcrawler and Scarlet Witch had gone out for an appearance on a chat show with some other X-Men, but they had not returned. Rachel was on her way to Cerebra to try and see whether she could use the mutant detecting device to find her friend. **(1)**

That was until Rachel heard some kind of commotion coming from the direction of Hank's lab.

A fiery bird-shaped aura appeared around the woman as she flew in the direction of the fuzzy blue scientist's inner sanctum. Rachel didn't even bother to knock, she just crashed straight through the door, her telekinesis flattening the door like a penny under a steamroller. Rachel froze in place once she saw what Hank was working on. The blue feline mutant was working on what seemed to be a decommissioned Sentinel.

Hank removed his welding mask and turned to see what had caused the sudden interruption.

'Host for a celestial being or no, most people have the common decency to knock before entering.' Hank frowned slightly.

'The man's right, Rachel...' The time-lost cop from the future known as Bishop agreed as a pulled his head out of a hatch in the Sentinel's ankle and wiped some grease from his forehead. 'The X-Men use doors.' Rachel's jaw dropped when she saw the Sentinel.

'What the hell is going on here?' Rachel blurted.

'Is it not obvious?' Hank responded. 'Nick Fury was kind enough to give the X-Men an old Sentinel model to use as our own. Bishop and I are just tinkering with its inner workings to make it into a force for good.'

'Hank even gave it a name.' Bishop explained with a grin. 'Go on, tell her what you named it.'

'I have named it SID.' Hank told the concerned telepath. 'Which stands for Sentinel Initiative for Defence.'

Rachel was all but lost for words.

'Are you completely **_mental?' _**The horrified redhead exclaimed. 'These things were created to hunt and kill mutants! They're not supposed to be pets!'

'Rachel, Bishop and I have combed SID's systems with a fine tooth comb.' Hank tried to calm the young woman. 'I have even asked Forge to come over from England just to make sure that everything is in working order.'

'And we are going to give it a new look.' Bishop added. 'For obvious reasons.'

'This is the stupidest idea ever!' Rachel ranted. 'You can't just change a Sentinel's programming like that! They always return to their mutant killing ways! _Always!'_

Bishop then remembered why Rachel was so upset. She came from an alternate future where Sentinels had all but enslaved humanity. Rachel had witnessed all her friends and loved ones cut down by the mechanical beasts.

'Rachel, I realise why you are upset...' The energy-absorbing mutant put his hands on Rachel's shoulders and tried to calm the scared young woman. 'But I can promise you that we will never allow SID to hurt anybody. It isn't in his programming anymore.'

'Oh, so it's a he now?' Rachel snorted bitterly. 'The damn thing is a killing machine!'

'The same could be said for Logan.' Hank pointed out. 'Wade and Raven too, but they are all valued members of the X-Men now. Is it such an alien concept to hope that Sentinels could not be used for peaceful means?'

'Yeah, look at Jocasta.' Bishop agreed. 'Ultron created her as his mate, and now look at her. She's an Avenger!'

'It won't work.' Rachel shook her head as she turned to leave. 'You're making a big mistake, trust me...'

And with that, Rachel Grey walked out of Hank's lab. The redhead didn't get very far. The mansion started to rumble all around her, making her lose her footing and tumble to the floor.

'What the hell...?'

* * *

**Outside-**

The mysterious rumbling was coming from outside te mansion. The X-Men had all gathered in the Institute's garden to see what was causing all the noise.

Scott shielded his visor-covered eyes as he looked up at the sky. He could just about make out the silhouette of a giant spaceship.

'Hunh. It must be that time of the month again.' The X-Men's fearless leader quipped. 'Another alien invasion.'

'You'd never think that we'd get so bored of stuff like this.' Kitty nodded in agreement. 'There was one time, long ago, that I would have dreamt of meeting aliens. I guess you just get used to it when your best friend is an alien dragon.'

'Heh.' Lockheed, the aforementioned alien dragon, chuckled.

'Wait...' Jean frowned. 'I recognize that ship... It's the flagship of the Majestrix of the Shi'Ar Empire!'

'Oh, joy...' Emma rolled her eyes. 'It's always so much fun whenever the Shi'Ar choose to pay a visit.'

The huge Shi'Ar flagship landed on the ground, soon to be followed by a smaller, gold-coloured shop. This ship was much more welcome than the Shi'Ar flagship.

'What's Corsair doing here?' Lorna frowned thoughtfully as several figures began to exit the Shi'Ar flagship and its smaller companion. 'Oh hell, they're not going to try and kill Jean again, are they?'

'You gotta love them wacky aliens.' Logan snorted. 'S'funny, I ain't seen no sign of the Imperial Guard. Lilandra always travels with that buncha costumed jokers by her side.'

'Thank heaven for small favours, my friend.' Hank stated as he watched the Majestrix's entourage approach the X-Men.

'Greetings, X-Men...' Lilandra held her hand up in greeting. 'I apologise for the intrusion and any trouble that my sudden visit may have caused.'

'It's a little late for that now, Your Majesty.' Jean snorted. 'Not that you're not welcome here or anything, but... well, you're not welcome here.' The redheaded mutant was oblivious to the frown that Scott had sent her way.

'Is Charles here?' Lilandra asked, seemingly unaffected by Jean's catty comments. 'I came here to see him.'

'Professor Xavier is away on business right now.' Emma told the alien ruler. 'I'd let you stay here and wait, but we just don't like you.'

'Please, I must speak with Charles.' Lilandra reiterated. 'I have urgent news.'

* * *

**Later-**

The X-Men had managed to get hold of their beloved mentor. Charles Xavier had travelled straight back to the Institute as soon as he heard that Lilandra wanted to talk to him. It seemed that he still had feelings for the woman that was once his wife.

While Charles was talking to Lilandra in his office, Scott wa showing Corsair, his father, around the Institute.

'And this is where the teachers take a break from a hard day's work.' Scott explained as he led Corsair into the teacher's lounge.

'Well, you certainly have a great place here, Scott.' Corsair complimented his son as he looked around. 'You seem to have made a nice life for yourself.'

'And that isn't the best of it...' Scott continued, a big smile on his face. 'You haven't met your granddaughter yet.'

Corsair blinked at that.

'I have a... _granddaughter?' _The space pirate blinked in surprise. 'Wow. This is... Wow.' He started to chuckle. 'Now you're starting to make me feel like an old man.' Scott shook his head with a chuckle of his own.

'She's in bed, right now.' Scott explained. 'She's got the sniffles, I'm afraid.'

'Poor girl.' Corsair shook his head in sympathy. 'Scott, can I ask you something?'

'Sure, go ahead.' Scott nodded. 'Ask away.'

Corsair took a deep breath before continuing.

'Hepzibah and I are getting married. I want you and Alex to be my best men.'

**TBC...**

* * *

**Next: Return of the Starjammers- Part 2**

_Hepzibah spends a night on the town with Jean, Rachel, Ororo, and Kitty. Wade, Logan, and Alex show Ch'od and Raza the Danger Room. Also, Lilandra has some surprising news for her ex-husband..._

* * *

**Author's Notes-**

**(1)- **_To find out what happened to TJ, check out _'Uncanny XSE'.


	18. Return of the Starjammers: Part 2

**Uncanny New X-Men**

**Chapter 17: Return of the Starjammers- Part 2**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**Salem Centre-**

A group of women strode through the streets of Salem Centre. Jean and some of her friends had decided to show Hepzibah, the felinoid member of the Starjammers and Jean's future mother-in-law, around the town.

'Wow. You X-Ladies live in a real pretty place.' Hepzibah grinned as she looked around at her surroundings. 'I never saw stuff like this when I was growing up. All I knew as a kitten was a life of slavery. Damn stupid birdies.'

'Oh, the Shi'Ar aren't that bad.' Jean chuckled. 'They're pretty sociable when they're not trying to kill you for being the host of an all-powerful celestial being.'

'Umm, Jean… That wasn't you that the Shi'Ar tried to kill all those years ago.' Kitty piped up. 'Don't you remember? The Phoenix Force had taken your form.'

'Uh, right…' Jean blinked. 'I knew that.'

Ororo decided to change the subject.

'Well, I think it's about time we all had something to eat, don't you think?' The weather-manipulating mutant suggested. 'You must be hungry after your long journey, Hepzibah.'

Hepzibah blushed as her stomach let out a loud grumble.

'Yeah, perhaps that would be a good idea…' She nodded.

'But where do we go?' Rachel scratched her head. 'I doubt that it would be a good idea to take Hepzibah to McDonald's or anywhere like that. It isn't exactly a prime example of Earth cuisine.'

'I'm sure we'll find a decent place to eat, sweetie.' Jean smiled. 'Ooh, there's that new Italian place that's just opened down the street.'

'Mmm, I love Italian.' Kitty smiled dreamily.

'I thought you loved a bit of Russian.' Rachel quipped. Kitty just shot her friend with a mock glare.

'Quiet, you!'

* * *

**The Xavier Institute For Higher Learning-**

In the lower levels of the Xavier Institute For Higher Learning, several of the X-Men had decided to show two more members of the Starjammers around. Ch'od and Raza were having a look around the Danger Room.

'This is some facility you've got here.' Ch'od nodded as he looked around. 'Didn't you say that it's got holographic emitters than can broadcast any environment you want?'

'The wonders of Shi'Ar technology.' Alex nodded in reply. 'You wanna give it a try?'

'Well, it has been a long time since we last tested ourselves in battle.' Raza nodded. 'Let us see how good this Danger Room of yours is.'

'I just hope that you guys can handle it.' Wade teased the two Starjammers. 'Oh, and try not to trash it too badly. This stuff is expensive, Gator-Lips.'

'My name is Ch'od, small annoying mammal.' Ch'od growled.

'Just do what we usually do. Ignor ehim.' Alex advised the scaly alien.

'Gesundheit.' Wade smiled sweetly. 'So, are we gonna get this show on the road, or what?'

'Way ahead of ya, 'Pool.' Logan's voice came from the Danger Room's control centre. 'Hold on to yer butts, cuz this is gonna be a doozy!'

The stark whiteness of the Danger Room started to shimmer as the holographic emitters started to do their thing. The X-Men and the two Starjammers soon found themselves in some dark slime-covered caverns.

'Aww, man…' Wade groaned. 'Not the Brood simulation. I _hate_ the Brood simulation!'

'What's the matter, Wade?' Alex grinned. 'Don't tell me that the almighty Merc-With-A-Mouth is scared.'

'At least I don't have to resort to stealing other guy's women.' Wade shot back.

'You wanna say that again?' Havok growled angrily, getting in Wade's masked face.

'If I may interject…?' Raza quickly interrupted, separating the two X-Men. 'Perhaps it would be a wise decision to concentrate our energies on the upcoming battle.'

'Yeah…' Ch'od nodded in agreement. 'I wanna bust some skulls already!'

Wade rolled his eyes behind his mask.

'Well, I guess I'd better apologi…' Wade's comments were cut short as a Brood soldier leapt on his back. 'Ahh! Get it off! Get it off! Oh, the humanity!'

'Stand still, you screaming idiot!' Alex yelled at his teammate. 'I can't get a clear shot!'

'You mammals argue too much.' Ch'od growled as he grabbed hold of the Brood soldier on Wade's back and tore it right off before crushing its head in his mighty scaly hands. 'I am glad that you are not Starjammers.'

'I am afraid that I must agree with that sentiment.' Raza nodded in agreement as he sliced another Brood soldier in two with his sword. 'We would not have survived as long as we have with Deadpool amongst us.'

'Aww, gee. It's real nice to feel appreciated.' Wade retorted as he popped a cap in another one of the Brood creatures. 'I didn't have to be here, you know. I've got kids to take care of!'

'You actually _allowed _this mammal to... _breed?' _Ch'od blinked in shock. 'Was that such a wise decision?'

Alex took out another one of the Brood creatures with a plasma blast.

'We often ask ourselves that very question…'

* * *

**Back at Salem Centre-**

Jean and her friends had finished their lunch at the new Italian place and had continued on to Harry's Hideaway for a few drinks.

Jean watch on aghast as Hepzibah danced on the table. It seemed that it didn't take much to get the felinoid woman in a mood to party.

'How much has she had to drink?' Jean tried not to look.

'Uh, I think she's only had one or two root beers so far.' Kitty responded. 'And they don't even have alcohol in them!'

'Alcohol effects everybody differently, I guess.' Rachel shrugged as she downed the rest of her drink. She then got a thoughtful look on her face. 'You know, looking at Hepzibah boogying away like that kind of makes me to get up on the table and start dancing…'

'Rachel, you wouldn't…' Kitty groaned.

'Aww, c'mon, Kit.' The redheaded telepath grinned as she grabbed Kitty by the hand and clambered on top of the table. 'Live a little, will you?'

Ororo just laughed at the sight before her.

'Oh, goddess…' Ororo chuckled. 'This is starting to become like a car crash. I feel that I must turn away, but I just want to watch more.'

Just imagine what her bachelorette party's going to be like.' Jean winced at the thought. 'Oh boy, that isn't going to be pretty.'

'Not unlike the night before your wedding if my memory serves me correctly.' Ororo remembered.

'What bachelorette party?' A Jean blinked. 'I don't remember any bachelorette party.'

'I wouldn't be surprised.' Ororo smiled at the memory. 'You had drank enough alcohol to pickle an elephant.'

'Only because everybody kept on buying her drinks.' Rachel chipped in as she busted a move on the table. 'And not just the other ladies, either. Once news got round of there being a woman having her bachelorette party, cute guys kept on coming up and getting you drinks.'

'I didn't do anything embarrassing, did I?' Jean groaned into her hands.

'I don't exactly remember.' Ororo responded. 'I'll have to consult the video tape.'

'_V-v-video tape?_' Jean spluttered. '_What_ video tape?'

'Rogue had the foresight to bring a video camera along.' Ororo told her. 'She said that we'd need it if we ever needed some dirt on you.'

Jean shot everybody with a glare.

'You are all despicable, do you know that? Despicable!'

* * *

**Back at Xavier's-**

Alex and the guys had finished their Danger Room session and were on their way to go and see Scott and Corsair when the girls pulled up in a cab.

'Uh-oh, that doesn't look good…' Alex winced as he looked out the window and saw Jean and Rachel holding up a visibly drunk Hepzibah. The alien woman could be heard singing loudly in a language that none of them understood. 'Do you think we should go out there and help?'

'Aww, do we have to?' Wade grumbled. 'Can't we just stay and watch? It's funny.'

'We must assist a companion in trouble, no matter what that trouble is.' Raza pointed out.

The guys went out the door to give the girls a hand.

'Jeez, what did she drink?' Logan grimaced as Hepzibah let out a loud belch and fell straight on her face. 'She musta drank alla the booze in Harry's Hideaway by the look of her.'

'Two root beers.' Kitty explained. 'That's all it took.'

'Ah, I see…' Raza nodded in understanding. 'Your Terran root beer is poisonous to her species. It is nothing too dangerous. Root beer consumption has side affects very much akin to drunkenness.'

At that moment, Scott and Corsair came running outside with Professor Xavier and Lilandra close behind.

'What's going on here?' Corsair asked as he ran up to help his wife-to-be. 'She didn't get at the root beer again, did she?'

'I'm afraid so.' Jean smiled apologetically. 'She will be alright, won't she?'

'Oh yeah.' Corsair nodded. 'Just give her a little bed rest and she'll be as right as rain.'

'Tee-hee. The world is spinny...' Hepzibah giggled drunkenly.

Corsair carefully held the semi-conscious Hepzibah in his arms and carried her inside. Scott then turned to Professor Xavier.

'I am the Lizard Queen!' The dazed Hepzibah was heard mumbling as her husband-to-be carried her inside.

'So, what's this big news that Lilandra had to tell you?' The leader of the X-Men asked. 'She isn't pregnant, is she? There's been a lot of that going on recently.'

'There's something in the water.' Kitty quipped. 'It's got to be the water.'

'It's nothing like that, Scott.' Xavier explained. 'Although, that isn't necessarily a bad idea.'

Everybody watched as Lilandra put her arms around Xavier's shoulders and kissed him on top of the head.

'Wait, you guys are back together again, aren't you?' Kitty surmised.

'That is correct, Katherine.' Lilandra nodded. 'My life has been missing a certain something since I left Charles.'

'Well, I think this calls for another party!' Rachel grinned. 'Let's just try to keep Hepzibah away form the root beer this time.'

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: The X-Men Go On The Piste**

_Emma takes some of her fellow X-Men on a trip to her ski lodge in Aspen, Colorado._


	19. On The Piste

**The Uncanny New X-Men**

**Chapter 19: On The Piste**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**The Xavier Institute For Higher Learning-**

Hank McCoy stepped out of the front door of the mansion that held the majority of the Xavier Institute For Higher Learning. The fuzzy blue feline scientist was carrying several large white leather cases. Hank set them down on the ground so he could open up the back of the van parked nearby.

'Now, Emma, are you sure that you have packed enough clothes?' Hank asked as he turned back towards the mansion. 'Surely there isn't much left remaining in the closet.'

'One can never have too many clothes, Henry dear.' Emma Frost responded as she walked out of the mansion holding her young son's hand.

'Where are we going, Mommy?' Little Christian McCoy looked up at his mother. 'Are we going to Disneyland?'

'Pff. As if I'd demean myself by going there.' Emma snorted in derision. 'That place isn't worth wasting your time, Christian. The food is terrible, and the queues are too long.'

'You're just saying that because you got thrown off It's A Small World, Frosty.' Bobby Drake smirked as he followed Emma outside. The blonde telepath turned to glare at the ice-manipulating mutant. He was wearing a bright blue woollen bobble hat and a terrible blue and lime green ski suit.

'There is no way that you are coming with us wearing that.' Emma turned her nose up at the sight of Bobby's attire. 'I wouldn't be seen dead socialising with somebody wearing that… monstrosity. I do have a reputation to maintain.'

'Emma's right, Bobby.' Lorna Dane chipped in as she walked out of the mansion carrying some skis beneath her arms. She was wearing a purple-and-white ski suit. 'Your ski suit looks like something that Miss Elizabeth threw up.'

'I thought you liked it.' Bobby sighed as he turned to regard his girlfriend. 'You _were_ the one that picked it out for me, remember?'

'I must have been having another one of my bouts of insanity.' Lorna shrugged. 'Remember the last time when I brought that bright orange tank top and multi-coloured stripey mini-skirt? I looked like a rainbow had sneezed on me.'

'I thought you looked hot.' Bobby grinned.

'Not that I wish to interrupt your fascinating discussion about various taste sin fashion, or the lack thereof, I would like to remind you that we are on a schedule.' Hank impatiently reminded everyone. 'We must depart with due haste before the roads begin to freeze over.'

'Aww, you're no fun any more, Hank.' Bobby grumbled as he took a seat inside the van. 'What happened? You used to be cool.'

'Just shut up and get in the van, Bobby.' Lorna rolled her eyes as she pushed Bobby out of the way and handed him Miss Elizabeth's cat box.

'Wait, why am I holding the cat?' Bobby blinked in confusion. 'She hates me. She wants to kill me.'

'Don't be so stupid, Robert.' Emma shook her head as she took a seta in the front of the van beside Hank. 'Miss Elizabeth is a cat. Why would she want to kill you?'

'I bet she has her reasons.' Bobby shrugged.

'_Hissss!_' Miss Elizabeth spat at him.

'See?' Bobby told everybody. 'Miss Elizabeth wants to kill me! She just said so!'

Lorna pushed Bobby down into his seat.

'Sometimes you make me seem like the sane one, Bobby.'

* * *

**A few hours later-**

It had been a long and uneventful journey, but the group had arrived at Emma's ski lodge in good time. Bobby had tried to occupy everybody's time with a game of I-Spy, but _somebody_ convinced him that it might have been a good idea if he slept all the way to Aspen.

'Mmm, I haven't had such a peaceful sleep like that for ages.' Bobby yawned as he stepped out of the van and stretched his arms.

Emma just smiled knowingly as she started to unload the van.

'Wow. This is some lodge you've got here, Emma.' Lorna nodded in appreciation as she gazed up at the two floor wooden lodge. 'It makes the mansion back home look like a crappy little shack.'

'Oh, this is nothing.' Emma smiled modestly. 'It's just a little place where I used to spend the winter when I was younger.'

'Little place?' Lorna laughed out loud. '_Little? _Calling this place little is like calling Wolverine slightly hairy.' Christian rooted around in the back of the van, and then jumped down with a frown.

'Momma…' Christian tugged on his mother's coat. 'Momma, you forgot my guitar.'

'Oh, did I?' Emma feigned shock. 'Oh, I'm terribly sorry. How silly of me.'

'You are a wicked, wicked woman, Emma Frost.' Hank shook his head. 'Fortunately, I brought a spare.'

'Yay!' Christian clapped his hands in happiness as he took the guitar from his father. Emma glared daggers at her fuzzy blue partner.

'_You are in deep trouble, McCoy._' Emma told Hank via her telepathy. _'And don't you __**dare**__ think that we're going to snuggle in front of the fire. You're sleeping on the couch. __**Alone!'**_

Hank grimaced at the telepathic telling off he had just received.

'D'oh!'

* * *

**Later that night-**

Everything had been unpacked and put away in its proper place. Emma, Hank, and the others were sitting on the porch enjoying the view. Emma had changed into white trousers and a matching fluffy jumper underneath a silver sleeveless puffy jacket with fluffy white boots. Hank and Christian were wearing pretty much the same, but in blue, and minus the fuzzy boots. Lorna was in purple.

Unfortunately, Bobby was still wearing his blue-and-lime-green monstrosity.

'I don't want to repeat myself, but wow, Emma. Just… wow!' Lorna gushed as she looked at the view below them. 'This place is just… I am without words to express how awesome this place is!'

'Can I go inside and watch TV now?' Christian asked as he got up off the floor where he had been playing with his toys. 'It's boring out here. And I'm cold.'

'Don't you want to stay out here with mommy and daddy?' Hank asked as he scooped his young son up into his arms. 'If you're good we might even take a walk into town and buy you some candy.'

'I like candy.' Christian smiled. 'Can we go buy some candy, momma? Please, can we?'

'I suppose.' Emma sighed. 'I guess we could go to the store to buy some provisions..'

'Mew.' Miss Elizabeth purred as she rubbed herself up against Emma's leg.

'Yes, I haven't forgotten about you.' Emma smiled as she picked up her cat and stroked her head. 'We'll get you some food. How do you feel about steak?'

'Mew!' Miss Elizabeth purred happily.

'Geez, Emma…' Bobby grimaced. 'Your cat eats better than most people.'

'Only the best for a Frost.' Emma told him as she put Miss Elizabeth back down. 'I'm not going to feed Miss Elizabeth on that tinned rubbish like some people who shall remain nameless.'

'She means Jean.' Bobby whispered to Lorna. Lorna just rolled her eyes.

'I know who she means, doofus.'

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Taking The Piste**

_Emma and her friends head to the slopes for a little bit of skiing. _


	20. Taking The Piste

**The Uncanny New X-Men**

**Chapter 20: Taking the Piste!**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel._

* * *

**Aspen, Colorado-**

Emma Frost and her friends were having a grand time on their ski trip to Aspen. It always felt good for the X-Men to take some time off from the superhero business. There was no better place to sit back and relax then Emma's ski lodge nested quietly in the mountains. Okay, the cabin was in the middle of nowhere, but the blonde-haired telepath refused to stay in the more touristy places with the rest of the riff-raff.

Much to Emma's reluctance, Hank had taken the group to a nearby ski slope frequented by tourists so they could actually do some skiing. Well, Emma and Hank were doing the skiing. Bobby and Lorna were left to look after little Christian. The mutant known as Iceman seemed to have a panic attack whenever he went near some skis, therefore it was their duty to look after Emma and Hank's young son.

Bobby cautiously walked through the trees, looking around to see if there was anybody following him.

'Man, that was close…' The brown-haired ice-manipulator sighed heavily as he slumped against a nearby tree. 'They came out of nowhere. It was a massacre, I tell ya! Game over, man. Game over!'

'Aww, don't tell em that you're giving up already.' Lorna laughed. Bobby spun around to try and get a look at his girlfriend, but he couldn't see any sign of her.

'C'mon, Lorna…' Bobby looked around the woods. 'This isn't funny any more. You guys have won already, okay? Give a guy a little dignity already.'

'But we're having fun, Unca Bobby.' Christian giggled.

Bobby looked up to see his furry blue godson crouching on a branch above his head.

'Boo!' Christian grinned as he rolled a snowball in his hands.

Bobby ducked out of the way just in time to see Christian's snowball hit a tree right where his head had been.

'Oh, it is _on!_' Bobby grinned mischievously as he began to roll his own snowball. 'Have at you, kiddo!'

Bobby looked up at Christian's perch to see that the little blue-furred boy had disappeared.

'Aww, nuts.' Bobby sighed as he dropped his snowball on the ground. 'I hate it when he does that.'

'You should know that it's never a good idea to drop your weapon, Bobby.' Lorna smirked as she walked out from the tree that she had been hiding behind tossing a snowball in her hand. 'Bang, you dead!'

Bobby tried to turn and run, but Lorna was just too fast for him. The green-haired mistress of magnetism threw her snowball through the air, hitting Bobby right on the back of his head, sending him tumbling to the ground.

'Medic…' Bobby groaned dramatically as he rolled onto his back. 'Man down…'

'Unca Bobby, you're so silly.' Christian smiled down at the fallen Iceman. Bobby just let out a hoarse whisper, as if it was his last breath.

'_Rosebud…_'

* * *

**Later- **

The group had finished their fun on the slopes and had retired back to Emma's cabin. Everybody was sitting in front of a roaring fire with mugs of hot cocoa. Miss Elizabeth, Emma's pet Persian cat, had already chosen the best spot right in front of the fire.

'Might I interest anybody in a little extra something to add to their cocoa?' Hank asked as he held up a silver flask.

'Well, if you insist, dear.' Emma smiled as she passed Hank her mug. 'It's good to see that you're getting some use out of that vintage whiskey I brought you for your birthday.'

'Don't you think it's a bit of a waste to use that to spike our cocoa?' Lorna asked. 'I mean, that stuff isn't cheap. Plus, we know that Bobby can't handle his liquor.'

'Hey, that is nothing but slander and lies!' Bobby frowned. 'I just happened to have a little too much to drink once, and you won't stop going on about it.'

'I'm surprised that you can remember that at all, Robert.' Hank smiled at the memory of a drunken Bobby dancing with a lampshade on his head clad in nothing but his underwear.

'Mom, can I have some more marshmallows, please?' Christian asked as he held out his mug.

'Christian, darling, you're supposed to drink the cocoa.' Emma pointed out. 'Not just pick out the marshmallows.'

'We have marshmallows?' Bobby blinked in surprise. 'Why wasn't I informed?'

'Because they are special marshmallows for my special little boy.' Emma smiled as she picked Christian up and put him on her lap. 'Have you taken your medicine today, darling?'

'Uh-huh.' Christian nodded in response. 'I took it after my nap.'

Little Christian McCoy had been born with high blood sugar, so he could only eat things that had a low sugar content.

Dozing in front of the fire, Miss Elizabeth woke up and stretched her limbs with a wide yawn. Was it a few hours' nap too much to ask for? Humans sure were a noisy species.

The silver-furred feline sauntered over to her food bowl and peered down into the silver-plated receptacle. It was empty.

Miss Elizabeth looked back at the humans disdainfully. How dare those hairless creatures leave her bowl empty! It was an absolute outrage! They had better give them a gentle reminder.

'_Mew.' _The cat meowed as she gave her food bowl a nudge towards the humans.

'Is somebody hungry?' Emma cooed as she walked over to her hungry cat. 'Are you? Are you hungry?'

Miss Elizabeth just stared up at her pet human. Was she completely stupid?

'_**MEW!**_' Miss Elizabeth meowed, this time a little more forcefully. Would she actually have to go out and hunt for her own food? Bast, no! She wasn't some mongrel like that idiot Fonzie. **(1)**

Emma headed to the freezer and picked out a delicious-looking piece of prime steak.

'Mew.' Miss Elizabeth meowed in approval. Her pet human might have been a little slow on the uptake, but she certainly made the right choices.

'Ooh. Are we having steak for dinner?' Bobby smiled hopefully from the couch. Miss Elizabeth spun around with an angry hiss.

'_Fsst!_'

'Geez. Only asking.' Bobby grumbled. 'That damned cat eats better than most people.'

'Aww, Bobby. You're just jealous.' Lorna chuckled.

'Damn straight!' Bobby grumbled. 'I know that cats used to be worshipped in Egypt, but this is modern day Aspen. We're higher up on the food chain, for cripe's sake!'

'Robert, Miss Elizabeth is a Frost.' Emma pointed out as she went about cooking her cat some food. 'She shall only dine on the finest ingredients. Not some common-or-garden rubbish out of a tin.'

'Jean's cat doesn't seem to mind being fed tinned cat food.' Bobby shot back.

'Well, that's Jean for you.' Emma snorted in derision. 'She always goes for quantity instead of quality.'

Lorna leant over to Hank and whispered to him conspiratorially.

'They are supposed to be friends, right?'

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Lockheed And The Uncanny X-Pets**

_A day in the life of Lockheed and the rest of the X-Men's animal companions. _

* * *

**Author's Notes-**

**(1)-**_ Fonzie is the name of Jean's cat._


	21. Lockheed and the Uncanny XPets

**Uncanny New X-Men**

**Chapter 21: Lockheed and the Uncanny X-Pets**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_'__I made some cocoa and got engaged.' _**- The First Doctor (Doctor Who)**

* * *

**The Xavier Institute For Higher Learning-**

Lockheed, the purple alien dragon and longtime companion to Kitty Pryde, was snoozing peacefully on his pet human's bed. The hairless ape had already gone off somewhere with her larger mate. Lockheed didn't really care where they went. All the dragon wanted was somewhere warm to sleep.

All was going well for the little purple dragon until somebody decided to interrupt his nap.

'Bucket hug Dragon!'

Lockheed barely had enough time to wake himself up before he was assaulted by a flying ball of dark green pterodactyl.

'What the bloody hell are you doin'?' Lockheed frowned in irritation as he hopped onto the headboard of Kitty's bed. 'I was havin' a nice lie in before you woke me up!'

Bucket, little Marie LeBeau's pet pterodactyl, just cocked her head in curiosity.

'Dragon not like hugs from Bucket?' The little green reptile enquired innocently.

'There's a time and place for that kid of thing.' Lockheed told the younger reptile. 'And it ain't when I'm sleepin'!'

Unknown to the foolish humans that inhabited the Institute, Lockheed could talk in several different languages, including dog, cat, and pterodactyl. The dragon could talk English too, but he preferred to keep that a secret. It amused him to know that the dumb hairless mammals believed him to just be a silly little dragon. Lockheed was much more than that.

'Dragon just like fuzzy things.' Bucket sulked. 'They not want to play with Bucket either.'

Lockheed rolled his eyes at that. As annoying as Bucket was, he really didn't want to upset the little pterodactyl.

'Fine, I'll play with ya.' The dragon sighed heavily. 'Just… no more hugging, okay?'

Bucket nodded happily before she flapped her arms and took off, flying away with a reluctant Lockheed following her.

* * *

**A little later-**

Fortunately for Lockheed, Bucket had soon grown bored of playing once she had spotted something shiny in one of the pot plants in the hallway. It turned out to be a discarded Twinkie wrapper, but Bucket was treating it like it was buried treasure. The little green pterodactyl was sitting on the kitchen table playing with the wrapper.

'What've you got? What've you got? What've you got?' Wanker, Deadpool and Psylocke's pet Golden Labrador asked as he jumped up-and-down in an attempt to see what Bucket was playing with.

'No! Bucket's shiny!' Bucket retorted as she turned her back on the little yellow dog.

'Suit yourself…' Wanker sniffed. 'Be a big meanie, then.'

'Wanker, leave her alone…' Chloe, Deadpool and Psylocke's pet Alsatian pup, sighed. 'You know how primitive creatures like her enjoy shiny things.'

'Ooh!' Wanker's ears pricked up at the sound of that. 'She has something shiny? I like the shiny! I wanna see the shiny!'

'I don't know why I bother…' Chloe shook her head as she trotted over to her food bowl.

'Out of my way, peasants!' A haughty voice demanded from the doorway. 'Didn't you hear me? I said, make way!'

'Oh, great…' Chloe groaned. 'Her Majesty's here.'

'The pleasure's all mine, Dog!' Miss Elizabeth, Emma Frost's pet Persian Cat, retorted as she barged past the little Alsatian to get to her food bowl. 'You, purple reptile, get me some food!'

'Excuse me?' Lockheed blinked in surprise.

'You heard what I said.' Miss Elizabeth responded. 'Don't make me repeat myself.'

'I ain't yer bloody human.' Lockheed shot back as he sneered down at the furry white feline. 'Get them to do it.'

'You dare talk to me like that?' Miss Elizabeth snapped. 'I am a Frost! It is my birthright to have the best!'

'That wasn't what you said last night, Princess…' Fonzie, Jean Grey's pet cat, grinned as he sauntered past.

'The thought of it!' Miss Elizabeth spat in disgust. 'Why in Bast's name do you even think that I'd even _contemplate_ spending time in the same room with you?'

'Well, I don't see you walking away.' Fonzie pointed out.

'Filthy mongrel…' Miss Elizabeth grumbled as she slunk away.

'Hey, I love you too.' Fonzie shot back.

'Bloody mammals…' Lockheed grumbled to himself as he searched through the cupboards for something to eat.

'Fuzzy things so stupid.' Bucket giggled. 'Not smart like Dragon. Dragon really smart.'

Lockheed looked back at the little green pterodactyl. He could have swore that Bucket was flirting with him.

'Uh… you want some chips?' Lockheed asked.

'They taste like mices?' Bucket responded.

'No, they're sour cream and onion.' Lockheed told her.

'Bleh.' Bucket grimaced. 'Bucket only like mices. Mices taste nummy. Mices make Bucket's tummy all warm and snuggly.'

'That's just… lovely.' Lockheed looked about nervously. 'You want some Twinkies or summat?'

Bucket visibly perked up at that.

'Ooh! Bucket like Twinkies!' The little green pterodactyl grinned. 'Twinkies shiny! Bucket like shiny!'

'Wait, do you guys hear that?' Chloe piped up. 'It sounds like… rumbling.'

'I don't hear anything.' Lockheed responded. 'Why, what's going on?'

'_Rrrr. _I don't like it.' Chloe growled as she inched towards the door. Wanker followed suit and started to scratch at the door.

'I can feel it too…' Fonzie narrowed his eyes in suspicion. 'I don't know what it us, but it feels… evil.'

'Bucket not like sound of that.' Bucket shook her head. 'Maybe we get humans now?'

'Way ahead of you, luv…' Lockheed responded as he headed off in search of Kitty and the others.

* * *

**Outside-**

Lockheed hadn't been able to find Kitty or her mate anywhere, but he had managed to find some of the other X-Men. Scott, Jean, Warren, and Alex had followed the little purple dragon outside to see what all the fuss was about.

'What is it, Dragon?' Jean asked. 'Is there something wrong?'

'_Fsst!_' Fonzie hissed. The ginger cat was obviously agitated at something. Jean picked him up and petted him in an attempt to soothe him.

'Wait, do you guys see that?' Warren asked as he indicated something in the sky. 'It looks like a… giant red whale?'

'Oh, no…' Alex grimaced. 'Anything but them.'

'Alex, what's up?' Scott looked over at his younger brother. 'Do you know anything about this?'

'If I'm right, which I hope I'm not, I think that red whale is actually an Acanti.' Alex explained. 'They're living creatures that the Brood use as spaceships.'

'It's a good thing that you came to tell us about this, Lockheed.' Jean smiled as she scratched the dragon underneath his chin. 'Go back and find as many X-Men as you can, I think we'll be in for a nasty fight…' Lockheed nodded in understanding and motioned for the other animals to follow him back inside.

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Getting Broody**

_The X-Men Vs the Brood. 'Nuff said!_


	22. Getting Broody

**Uncanny New X-Men**

**Chapter 22: Getting Broody**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_'__I ate a whole lot of fibreglass insulation. It wasn't cotton candy like that guy said... my stomach's itchy.'_- **Brick Tamland (Anchorman: The Legend Of Ron Burgundy)**

* * *

**The Xavier Institute For Higher Learning-**

The X-Men watched in horror as the giant red whale stopped above their heads and disgorged horrific-looking insectoid creatures out of its mouth.

'I suppose that it's too much to hope that the Brood just want to come in for tea.' Scott sighed.

'_**Death to the Phoenix!**_' The creatures bellowed. '_**Destroy the Chaos-Bringer!**_'

'So much for wishful thinking.' Jean sighed as a fiery aura appeared around her. 'It seems that barely a week's gone by without something trying to kill me.'

'Well, we're not going to let that happen.' Scott responded as he let rip with an Optic Blast that incinerated one of the Brood creatures. 'We're going to teach the Brood that we don't take kindly to aliens coming here trying to kill our loved ones.'

'Aww, that's so sweet of you, Scott.' Jean smiled happily as her Phoenix aura grabbed one of the Brood creatures in its talons and tore it apart. 'But I don't think now is the right time for you to show your love.'

'_Please_ tell me that somebody has a plan.' Warren yelled as he flew past, several of the Brood chasing him. 'Or are we just going to stand here and hope that we end up killing all of them?'

'Sounds like a plan to me.' Alex shrugged as he incinerated another one of the Brood with a plasma blast. 'Hell, it's worked for us in the past.'

'We can't hold them off forever.' Warren pointed out as he grabbed one of the Brood creatures by the tail and slammed it against a tree. 'It's only a matter of time before we wear ourselves out.'

'Geez, you never used to be such a worry-wart.' Alex rolled his eyes. 'You used to know how to keep it cool. This doesn't have anything to do with the fact that Paige left you, would it?'

'We didn't break up!' Warren retorted, stomping on the dead Brood's head, splattering himself with goo. 'We were on a break!

'Okay…' Alex cleared his throat nervously at the sight of the angry winged mutant. 'You were on a break. Gotcha. Shutting up now and fighting the bad guys.'

'I agree with Warren.' Scott chipped in. 'We need to do something to stem the onslaught of these things.'

'Well, why didn't you ask, darling?' Jean smiled as she took to the air.

'The Chaos-Bringer is heading for the Queen!' One of the Brood creatures realised. 'We must stop her!'

'Then perhaps we can make a deal…' Jean suggested. 'Leave and I won't kill the Queen.'

'You have no right to negotiate with us!' Another one of the creatures snarled. 'The Phoenix Force poses a threat to our way of life. That is why we came here to destroy you.'

'Well, that wasn't very nice at all.' Jean tutted as her Phoenix aura grabbed the Acanti in its talons. 'What would Her Majesty say about that? Are you willing to risk her life in order to destroy me?'

The Brood all looked at each other. Dare they spare the life of the one that was destined to destroy them? Dare they risk the life of their Queen, the one that had given them life?

'Very well.' The Brood in charge of the attack squad sighed. 'You drive a hard bargain, Chaos-Bringer. We shall spare your life. For now.'

'Wait, what was that?' Alex blinked in confusion. 'Did we just defeat the Brood by… _talking _to them?'

'Certainly looks that way.' Warren shrugged. 'I'm happy to get this over with. Do you have any idea how hard it is to wash Brood guts out of feathers?'

Jean released the Brood's Acanti ship from her fiery grip to allow the creatures to slink back inside.

'You have not heard the last of this, X-Men!' The lead Brood sneered. 'We shall return, and next time we shall be successful in destroying you all!'

Jean shook her head at that.

'The bad guys can never leave without saying something, can they?'

* * *

**Later-**

Once Warren had washed the bits of Brood out of his wings, the winged X-Man decided that a night out was just what was in order to make him forget about his troubles. The break-up with Paige Guthrie had hit him hard, especially after he found out that she was back with Jono Starsmore, her old boyfriend. Warren had never been very lucky in love. Candy Southern, his first love, had been killed by Cameron Hodge, merely because she had been cavorting with a mutant.

Warren had strapped his wings against his back in order to hide them from view. Sure, the process was inconvenient, but it was essential if he wanted to move amongst the general public unnoticed. The Blond mutant's wings were flexible enough to be covered by his coat without pain, but there were times that he wished that he didn't have to do that. Warren pulled up the collar of his coat in an effort to shelter from the cold breeze and waited to cross the road.

That was when something burst out from underneath the road in front of him. People ran and screamed at the sight of the creature that had caused the fuss. It was a huge grey-coloured armour-plated creature with nasty-looking claws. Warren recognised it as Litterbug, one of the Morlocks.

'You!' Litterbug hissed as it turned towards Warren. 'You are needed down below!'

'What, haven't you Morlocks ever heard of saying please?' Warren quipped as his wings burst out from underneath his coat. 'Then people might be more willing to tag along.'

'No more talking.' Litterbug growled. 'You come now.'

The huge Morlock went to grab hold of Warren, but the winged X-Man took to the air.

'Masque said that you would try to run.' Litterbug said. 'That is why I have help.'

_**ZORT!**_

A blast of energy hit Warren in the back, sending him tumbling to the ground.

'He had better not be too badly hurt, Erg.' Litterbug grunted as he picked Warren up. 'Masque wanted him in one piece.'

'Oh, shut up, will ya?' Erg, a man with a Mohawk and an eye patch, sighed as he walked out from an alley. 'We got what we came for, didn't we?'

Litterbug decided to ignore that and climbed back down into the sewers.

'Heh. I can't wait to see the X-Men's face once they see what we've done to the angel.' Erg snickered as he followed his armour-plated associate into the sewer. 'It's gonna be priceless!'

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Trouble In The Tunnels**

_Just what do Masque and the Morlocks have planned for Warren? Will the X-Men be able to rescue him in time? Tune in next time to find out…_


	23. Trouble in the Tunnels: Part 1

**The Uncanny New X-Men**

**Chapter 23: Trouble in the Tunnels- Part 1**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_'_Unbreakable, Bolly. Unbreakable. Unlike this bottle of wine which is undrinkable.'**- DCI Gene Hunt (Ashes to Ashes)**

* * *

**The Xavier Institute for Higher Learning-**

The redheaded telepath known as Jean Grey-Summers was running around the grounds of the Xavier Institute for Higher Learning with Rachel Junior, her young daughter, and Fonzie, her pet cat.

'Catch me, momma!' Rachel giggled as she ran away from her mother. 'Catch me! You're it!'

'Meow!' Fonzie whooped, running around Rachel.

'Oh, you're just too fast for me…' Jean smiled as she pretended to be tired from all the running. 'I'm not as young as I used to be.'

'Oh, momma.' Rachel rolled her eyes. 'You're so silly.'

'Thems are fighting words, kiddo!' Jean growled playfully as she pounced on her daughter and began to tickle her under the arms. 'Tickle fight!'

'_Eeeeee! _Momma, no!' Rachel shrieked in glee. 'Stoppit!'

'I'm not going to stop until you say the magic word.' Jean stuck her tongue out in response.

'Momma, please!' Rachel begged. 'It tickles!'

'Well, seeing that you were kind enough to ask…' Jean smiled as she released her daughter. No sooner had the redhead done that, then she was struck by a psychic vision. She found herself in some subterranean catacombs that she instantly recognised as the Morlock Tunnels. Jean felt cold steel against her wrists and realised that she was shackled to the wall.

A hideously scarred man walked into Jean's line of vision. She recognised him as Masque, leader of a rogue band of Morlocks. Whereas most of the Morlocks lived in peace with the X-Men, Masque's small band had an annoying habit of popping up and causing trouble.

'Glad to see yer awake, X-Man.' Masque sneered. 'I wouldn't have wanted ya at stay asleep fer this…'

Masque reached out with his hand to touch Jean's face. She opened her mouth to let out a scream, but the voice that came out wasn't hers. It was Warren's!

'Momma, are you okay?' Rachel asked concernedly. 'Why did you yell?'

'Mew?' Fonzie meowed in query.

'It's Uncle Warren…' Jean answered as she rubbed her forehead. 'He's in trouble.'

* * *

**The Morlock Tunnels, a short time later-**

Once Jean had recovered from the initial shock of Warren's telepathic call for help, she gathered together several of the X-Men and descended down into the Morlock Tunnels to go in search of the missing Angel. Cyclops, Deadpool, Mystique, Marrow, and Beast had joined Jean in her search.

'Geez, this placed smells like wet dog and poop.' Deadpool grimaced underneath his mask. 'I get why the tunnels smell like poop, but what's up with the wet dog bit?'

The former Merc-With-A-Mouth then looked over at the furry blue Beast.

'Oh. Never mind.'

'Serving alongside you is always such a charming experience, Mr Wilson.' The feline hero shook his head. 'Would you care to remind me why you are even _accompanying_ us?'

'Duh, comic relief.' Deadpool snorted. 'I need to make with the banter to pad this chapter out, otherwise it would only be half as long. Also, please don't call me Mr Wilson. It makes sound like some old guy that should have shot that little snot Dennis while he had the chance.'

'I was under the impression that you were the annoying motor-mouthed one.' Mystique chipped in. 'I mean, this is supposed to be a stealthy approach. We won't be able to sneak up on the Morlocks undetected if you keep running your trap.'

'Well, where's the fun in being all stealthy?' Deadpool shot back. 'Sneaking up on people is for wusses. And the French.'

'I know a way that we can shut him up.' Marrow chipped in as she unsheathed a bone dagger from her shoulder. 'Just give me the world, and I'll slit his throat. That'll keep him quiet.'

'Sarah, we don't stab our teammates.' Cyclops reminded the ex-Morlock. 'Even if they do have an annoying resistance to keeping quiet.'

'It wouldn't shut him up for long anyway, Bones.' Mystique told the pink-haired mutant. 'His healing factor would allow him to recover quickly.'

'So there, Stabby McStabberton!' Deadpool retorted. 'Besides, I have to make with the banter to pad out this chapter otherwise it'll end up being half as long.'

'Deadpool, please be quiet.' Jean ordered the semi-sane ex-mercenary. 'We're almost at the location where Warren's telepathic distress call came from.'

The Merc-With-A-Mouth did as he was told and kept quiet as she unsheathed a sword from his back.

'I can sense Warren nearby.' Jean told the team. 'He's conscious, but very weak.'

'Then we'd better get our asses in gear.' Marrow agreed. 'There's no telling what that bastard Masque has done to Warren already.'

'Why are you so concerned about the angel anyway, kid?' Mystique enquired. 'I thought you had a mad-on for all things pretty.' Then the truth dawned on the former mutant terrorist. 'Oh. I see…'

'Sarah and Warren share a special bond.' Beast explained. 'They have both had negative experiences in these tunnels. For Sarah, it was the loss of her family and loved ones when the Marauders massacred the Morlocks, and for Warren it was when those selfsame Marauders tortured him and robbed him of his wings. Is it too difficult to believe that such things would lead to romantic intentions?'

'Have you told Warren how you feel, Sarah?' Cyclops asked.

'Can we talk about something else?' The bone-wielding mutant sighed. 'I really don't wanna talk about this right now. Besides, I ain't gonna try to hit on him so soon after he broke up with the Guthrie girl. I do have some sense of decency, ya know.'

'If you ladies have finished blathering on, then some of us have got asses to kick and names to take.' Deadpool sighed.

'I wouldn't have necessarily put it that lightly, but I agree with Deadpool.' Beast nodded.

'Okay then, let us beat these louts heavily about the heads and buttocks.' The Merc-With-A-Mouth remedied his previous statement.

'Wade, please try to remember that we are supposed to be quiet.' Jean told him. 'So don't go off all guns blazing.'

'Lady, I think I know how to rescue teammates.' Deadpool snorted before he yelled out into the darkness. 'Hey, Masque, you big slag! Give it up while you still can! You're surrounded by armed bastards!'

Beast held his head in his hands and let out a heavy sigh.

'Oh, my stars and garters… I knew it was a mistake to allow him to watch all of those British police shows from the Seventies.'

'Come on, you guys!' Deadpool encouraged his teammates. 'It's almost dinner time. I'm having hoops!'

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Trouble in the Tunnels**

_The X-Men take on Masque's Morlocks with Warren's life on the line._


	24. Trouble in the Tunnels: Part 2

**The Uncanny New X-Men**

**Chapter 24: Trouble in the Tunnels- Part 2**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_'__You call him Doctor Jones, doll! '_- **Short Round (Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom)**

* * *

**The Morlock Tunnels-**

Warren Worthington III wasn't having a very good day. Everything started to go downhill once the subterranean-living band of mutants known as the Morlocks kidnapped him and chained him to the wall.

The winged mutant's face was a mess. Masque had used his powers to disfigure the once-handsome face.

_**BRATTA-ATTA-ATTA!!**_

'Hey, Morlocks! Say hello to my little friends!'

Warren weakly lifted his head once he heard gunfire and the unmistakable sound of Deadpool's semi-sane repartee.

'Ahh! Somebody stop him!' One of the Morlocks, a bearded man with a wooden pipe imaginatively known as Piper, howled. 'He's nuts!'

'He's not nuts, he's just Deadpool.' Jean Grey responded as she used her telekinesis to throw Piper against a nearby wall.

'Jean…?' Warren whispered weakly.

'Oh God, Warren!' Jean gasped once she saw the state of her teammate. 'Are you okay?'

'Oh, well. I can't complain.' Warren chuckled weakly. 'I would appreciate it if you released me.'

'Geez, Wings.' Deadpool grimaced as he peered into the room where the winged mutant was being held. 'You make the old me look like Mr Sexy-Handsome-Man. Well, y'know. Before Jamie Braddock did his thing and made me all studly again.'

'Wade, you're not helping.' Beast told the former Merc-With-A-Mouth. 'We need to find Masque and get him to change Warren back.'

'What makes you think that the bastard'll change him back?' Sarah frowned.

'Oh, I'm sure we'll find a way to convince him.' Mystique grinned. 'I could use negotiation and persuasion.' The shape shifting former terrorist held up one fist, and then the other. 'Negotiation and persuasion, see?'

* * *

**Elsewhere-**

Thankfully for Mystique, Deadpool chose to keep quiet as they searched the Morlock Tunnels for Masque. Jean, and Hank had stayed behind with Warren. It was up to Mystique, Deadpool, and Marrow to track down the Morlock's leader.

'I'm gonna slit that bastard's throat for what he did to Warren.' Marrow snarled as she tightened her grip on her bone dagger.

'Just try to keep the bloodletting to a minimum, okay, kid?' Mystique responded. 'We need Masque alive, remember? You can turn him into burger meat once we're done.'

'So, what's the plan boss lady?' Deadpool enquired. 'Are we gonna just keep walking and hope we blunder into Masque's hiding place?'

'First of all we need to find somebody who knows where he's gotten himself holed up.' Mystique explained.

'Ooh. Fun!' Deadpool grinned. 'A little torture always livens things up.'

'You are a strange man, Wade Wilson.' Mystique sighed. 'And that's putting it lightly.'

'Keep it down!' Marrow hissed at the two other X-Men. 'There's somebody here.'

'Where?' Deadpool asked. 'I don't see anybody.

'Perhaps it would help if you looked up here, jerk!'

The Merc with a Mouth looked up to see a young woman that looked suspiciously like Storm standing on a pipe above his head. Her name was Bliss. The young woman opened her mouth to reveal a second mouth like the creature from the Alien movies. Her second mouth shot out and tried to take a bite out of Deadpool. Fortunately, the semi-sane former mercenary was ready and he grabbed Bliss's secondary mouth and pulled her down to the ground.

'Oh, dear. This won't do at all.' Deadpool tutted as he pointed one of his swords in the woman's direction. 'No biting on a first date. I'm not that sort of man.'

'Tell us what we want to know and we'll go easy on you.' Mystique warned the Morlock woman.

'Go to hell!' Bliss sneered. 'I'm not telling you anything!'

'Then how about I cut out that freaky tongue of yours?' Marrow threatened her. 'Then perhaps you'll be willing to talk.'

'That doesn't make any sense!' Bliss snorted in derision. 'You won't kill me!'

'I think you're forgetting who you're talking to, sweetie.' Mystique chuckled slightly. 'A former terrorist, an ex-mercenary, and the former leader of Gene Nation. Why do you think _we _were sent to look for Masque? We're the ones they give the dirty jobs to.'

Bliss decided that it would have been wise to tell the X-Men what they wanted. The trio before her were infamous for doing the one thing that the other X-Men weren't so willing to do.

'Okay, I'll tell you what you want.' The Morlock woman sighed heavily. 'Masque's hiding in the pumping station.'

'There, that wasn't too hard, was it?' Mystique smiled sweetly. 'You'd better make yourself scarce before we have a change of heart.'

Bliss didn't need to be told twice as she scrambled up to her feet and ran away as fast as her feet could take her.

* * *

**A little while later-**

It didn't take the trio of X-Men very long to find the pumping station where Masque was supposed to be hiding. Fortunately, Marrow knew where to find the place. She often used it as a base back when she led Gene Nation.

'Yo, Masque!' Deadpool called into the darkness. 'Get your ugly butt out here before we have to go all Wild Bunch on you!'

'You're only prolonging the inevitable!' Mystique added. 'We will find you, and when we do… Well, let's just say that it isn't going to be pretty.'

A shadow-shrouded Masque darted out from behind a large pipe and began to make its escape. Marrow unsheathed a bone knife from her shoulder and tossed it at the retreating Morlock leader, embedding the knife in his leg.

'Ahh! Sonova…!' Masque grimaced as he clasped his hands on his wounded leg.

'You're coming with us now, Masque.' Marrow said as she stood over the fallen Morlock leader. 'Although, I'm hoping that you'll put up a struggle. I'd take a lot of pleasure in gutting you, boy!'

* * *

**The X-Mansion, later-**

Fortunately for all concerned, Masque preferred being left alive to being gutted like a trout, so he accompanied his three captors and undid the damage that he did to Warren's face. The winged mutant was presently sitting up in bed in the infirmary recovering from his ordeal. Sarah had barely left his side since returning from the Morlock Tunnels.

'Well, as far as adventures in the Morlock Tunnels go, I got off easy this time.' Warren joked. 'I should really stay away from that place. I never seem to have much luck whenever I go down there.'

'You shouldn't joke about stuff like that.' Sarah sighed heavily. 'You could have been seriously hurt.'

'Hey, I knew nothing too bad would happen to me down there.' Warren responded. 'I knew you guys would come through for me in the end.'

'Just get some rest, okay?' Sarah told her winged friend. 'McCoy says that you need it.'

'And we all know better than to disobey his orders.' Warren grinned.

A small smile appeared on Sarah's face as she got up to leave.

'Uh, Sarah…?' Warren piped up. 'I don't suppose you'd want to go and get something to eat some time, would you?'

'I wouldn't like anything more, Wings.' Sarah smiled.

'Just as friends.' Warren added.

'Sure.' Sarah grinned knowingly. 'Just as friends.'

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Madness in Madripoor**

_A trip to Madripoor takes a sinister turn when some old 'friends' of Wolverine's drop in for a visit._


	25. Madness In Madripoor: Part 1

**Uncanny New X-Men**

**Chapter 25: Madness in Madripoor- Part 1**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_'__I want a bloody costume!'_**- Bullseye **

* * *

**The Xavier Institute For Higher Learning-**

Morning had risen at the home of the team of mutant heroes known as the X-Men. Most of them were already up and about, however the mutant fire-wielder known as August Gallio was still in bed.

'Mmm, don't want to get up…' The raven-haired woman groaned into her pillow. 'Too comfy…'

August didn't even look up as somebody walked into the bedroom. That someone was Kurt Wagner, the fuzzy blue teleporting elf also known as Nightcrawler.

'Wakey wakey, sleepy head.' The fuzzy elf said as he gave August a poke. 'Come on, _liebe_. Get up. You can't just stay in bad all day.'

'You just watch me.' August retorted as she snuggled up in her bed.

'Well, you brought this upon yourself.' Kurt shook his head with a sigh. The fuzzy blue mutant grabbed the bedsheets that August had wrapped around herself and gave it a yank, pulling them right off the bed, making the pyrokinetic yelp in surprise.

'Give me the sheet back, Kurt…' August warned as she tried to grab the sheets. 'Or I won't be held responsible for what happens.'

'You wouldn't hurt me.' Kurt grinned mischievously. 'If you want the bedsheets so bad, then why don't you come and get it?'

'I'm not joking, elf.' August glowered. 'Give me the sheet back. I need my beauty sleep.'

'I think you are beautiful enough.' Kurt responded.

'Aww, you're so sweet…' August smiled dreamily before she remembered that she was supposed to be angry at him. 'Hey, shut up! Don't try to charm yourself out of trouble this time!'

'I'll make you a deal…' Kurt offered. 'You can have the sheets back if you can catch me.'

'Fine, it's a deal.' August sighed as she tried to make a grab for the sheets. Unfortunately for her, Kurt was too quick and teleported away with the sheets.

_**BAMF!**_

'Oh, you are going to pay for that, fuzzy.' August grimaced as she waved her hand in front of her face in an attempt to get rid of the sulphurous smell that Kurt left behind whenever he teleported anywhere. 'You are going to pay…'

* * *

**A little later-**

Thankfully, it didn't take August very long to calm down. The raven-haired mutant had decided that she might as well have a shower and get dressed. She could get even with Kurt later.

August was heading down the corridor to get something to eat and she saw Logan walk towards her.

'Hey Logan, you look even more peed off than usual.' August smiled in greeting. 'Did somebody raid your whiskey stash again?'

'There's trouble in Madripoor again, Sparky.' Logan explained. 'I'm headin' out to make sure that nothin' comes of it.'

'Do you want me to tag along?' August enquired. 'The more the merrier, right?'

'Sounds fine to me.' Logan shrugged. 'I was just about to ask the elf myself. You ain't seen him anywhere, have ya?'

'I think Kurt's trying to avoid me this morning.' August told him. 'I kind of swore vengeance on him after he stole my sheets.'

'Heh. That sounds like the elf, alright.' Logan chuckled. 'When ya find him, try not to hurt him too much, right?'

'Oh, perish the thought.' August smiled in reassurance. 'I'd never do anything too bad to Kurt. He has his uses, if you catch my drift.'

* * *

**Later-**

August had managed to find Kurt hanging out with Gambit and Rogue. The fuzzy elf had sought sanctuary with his foster sister. They had tagged along with August to head off with Logan to see what was going on in Madripoor. Storm was looking after little Marie while her parents went off on their latest adventure.

'Hey Logan, I hope you don't mind, but Rogue and Remy are tagging along too.' August said as she walked into the hangar where the Blackbird was kept. 'Oh…'

It was then that the raven-haired fire-wielder noticed that Logan had gathered some back-up of his own. He had managed to convince Colossus and Jubilee to tag along as well. Armor, real name Hisako Ichiki, one of the Institute's students, was trying to make Logan agree to have her tag along.

'Kid, this ain't no mission fer students.' Logan told the young Japanese girl. 'Madripoor's dangerous.'

'Hey, I went to Madripoor plenty of times back in the day.' Jubilee chipped in. 'And I wasn't all that younger than what Hisako is now.'

'Not helpin', Jubilation.' Logan gave his former sidekick a withering glare.

'Look at it this way, Logan…' August added her two cents. 'You need another plucky sidekick now that Kitty and Jubilee are too old for that now.'

'Not to mention that her powers could be pretty useful.' Rogue added. 'She can take a beatin' with that psionic armor of hers.'

'Fine, you can tag along.' Logan sighed heavily. 'But it ain't gonna be my fault if ya end up getting' killed.'

'Oh Mr Logan, you're so awesome!' Hisako grinned as she gave the feral mutant a big hug.

'And another thing, kid…' Logan growled. 'Don't _ever_ hug me!'

'Aw, don't worry about it, Ichiki.' Jubilee grinned, grabbing Logan in a hug of her own. 'He's really just a big softie deep down.'

'Jubilee, you _really_ ain't helpin'.' Logan groaned.

* * *

**High above Madripoor-**

The Blackbird was flying high above the small Asian nation known as Madripoor. Logan could often be found there whenever he went off on his own.

'You got any idea why we're goin' to Madripoor, _mon ami?' _Gambit looked at the feral mutant in the pilot's seat as she shuffled his cards. 'Or is it supposed to be a surprise?'

'I got a contact in the Madripoor branch of Stark Enterprises.' Logan replied. 'He couldn't really say what was going on, just that an old friend was in town.'

'Well, that's just lovely.' Rogue rolled her eyes. 'Your friends never end up comin' into town just to hang out, they always wanna cut your heart out.'

'You do seem to have that affect on most people, _tovarisch._' Colossus chuckled. 'Most of the people you know wish to kill you.'

'Yeah, Deathstrike, Sabretooth, Omega Red, I could go on for hours.' Jubilee chimed in.

'They're in for a fight whoever they are.' Nightcrawler grinned as he and Gambit started to play cards. 'Don't they know that Madripoor's protected?'

'Talking of protectors, whatever happened to the Silver Samurai?' August frowned to herself. 'Didn't he used to use Madripoor as his base of operations?'

'Ol' Kenny never could decide whether he was fightin' fer the good guys or not.' Logan replied. 'I'm bettin' that he's got himself into a spot of bother again and needs us to bail him out.'

'Is that who your contact was, Mr Logan?' Armor blinked in curiosity.

'I don't know who it was, kid.' Logan shook his head. 'I ain't even seen him face to face before.'

'I hate to be the one to be stating the obvious…' August said. 'But this could be a trap and you're walking right into it.'

'It would be nice to know who's setting the trap for us.' Jubilee added. 'It'll most probably be Sabretooth or somebody.'

'Creed isn't smart enough to spring a trap like this.' Rogue told her. 'He'd just try to attack us at home.'

'Well, it'll be a nice change if it wasn't somebody like Sabretooth or Deathstrike.' Kurt sniffed. 'Fighting the same people over and over must be boring.'

'It could always be the Mandarin.' Jubilee suggested. 'That guy never could forget a grudge.'

'You fought the Mandarin?' Armor gawped in surprise. 'When was that?'

'Aww, years ago.' Jubilee explained. 'I blew his house up real good. It must've cost him a pretty penny to rebuild.'

'If the Mandarin is behind the trouble in Madripoor, should we not tell Iron Man?' Colossus asked. 'Would he not wish to know what his enemy is up to?'

'Well, if Logan's contact works for Stark Enterprises, there's a fair chance that Iron Man already knows.' August nodded.

'Aww, yeah!' Armor punched the air in glee. 'We're gonna have a team up!'

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Madness in Madripoor-**

_Iron Man guest stars as Logan and the others try to find out what's going on in Madripoor._


	26. Madness in Madripoor: Part 2

**Uncanny New X-Men**

**Chapter 26: Madness In Madripoor- Part 2**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_'__You're gonna need a bigger boat.'_**- Chief Brody (Jaws) **

* * *

**The skies above Madripoor-**

A sleek black aircraft cut through the skies high above the Southeast Asian country known as Madripoor. It had come to Logan's attention that the infamous Chinese villain known as the Mandarin was planning something big.

Logan had prior history with the Mandarin. It was during the time when he was travelling around the world with Jubilee. The Mandarin had assisted the Hand in switching Psylocke's mind of that with a brain-dead woman known as Kwannon. Psylocke (in Kwannon's body) was then brainwashed into becoming the Mandarin's henchwoman. Needless to say, Logan and Jubilee rescued Psylocke and defeated the villains, destroying the Mandarin's home in the process.

'This is just like old times…' Jubilee grinned nostalgically. 'Travelling around with Wolverine to kick some butt. I've really missed this.'

'Wow. I still can't believe that you guys beat up the Mandarin.' The young mutant known as Armor gazed at Jubilee in amazement.

'Technically, we didn't actually beat him, kid.' Jubilee explained. 'We kind of ran off after I blew his mansion up. Hopefully we'll actually get to kick his head in this time.'

'Don't underestimate de Mandarin, _petite._' Gambit warned the younger mutant. 'You should know that he ain't no pushover.'

'Yeah, that's right.' Rogue nodded in agreement. 'Don't forget about those fancy rings of his. If somebody like Iron Man has trouble with him, how do y'all think we'd handle him?'

'Oh, please.' Jubilee snorted in derision. 'We're the freaking X-Men. Iron Man's just some guy in a glorified suit of armour.'

'A multi-billion dollar suit of armour, Jubilation.' Nightcrawler pointed out. 'Not to mention all of the upgrades that Stark has made over the years.'

'I wish I had a billion dollars.' August sighed wistfully. 'Just imagine all the shoes I could buy with a billion dollars.'

'Mmm, shoes…' Jubilee smiled dreamily.

'I will never understand why women are so obsessed with shoes.' Colossus shook his head sadly.

'That is one of the mysteries of life, _mein freund._' Nightcrawler comforted his friend. 'I doubt that even Reed Richards understands how women's minds work.'

Armor blinked in surprise as she saw something zoom past the window she was staring out of.

'Umm… Mr Logan? I think we've got company.'

'About time too!' Jubilee rubbed her hands together gleefully. 'It's been ages since I had a good fight.'

'Don't start the firework show just yet, kid.' Wolverine told his former sidekick. 'That's our backup.'

The feral mutant opened up communications with their guest.

'About time you could make it, Stark.' Wolverine chuckled. 'I was beginning to think that we'd have to take the Mandarin on ourselves.'

'You know me, Logan…' Tony Stark's tinny voice replied over the radio. 'I'm never one to turn down a team-up.'

'Ooh, is that Tony Stark?' August gasped excitedly as she craned her neck to try and get a look at the Golden Avenger. 'I've never actually met him before. I've only seen him on the TV. God, he's sexy.'

'I'm going to pretend that I never heard that.' Nightcrawler shook his head.

'Aww, you know I love you, fuzzy.' August smiled as she tousled the fuzzy elf's hair. 'Tony Stark may be rich, but I bet he isn't as good in bed as you are.'

'Eww. Too much information.' Jubilee grimaced. 'I _so_ didn't need to hear that.'

'If you'll just follow me…' Iron Man suggested. 'Then I'll lead you to where I reckon the Mandarin's holed himself up.'

* * *

**Later-**

Iron Man had guided the X-Men to a hillside compound where the Armoured Avenger suspected that the Mandarin was hiding out.

'Are you sure that we've got de right place?' Gambit asked. 'I don' see any sign of life anywhere.'

'The whole place certainly stinks of something.' Wolverine frowned as he sniffed the air. 'We have to get in there.'

'We can't just charge in there with guns blazing, _mein freund._' Nightcrawler pointed out. 'That would be suicide.'

'Well, Madripoor's Logan's turf, so ah say we go with his plan.' Rogue added her two cents.

'Oh yeah. That'll work.' August rolled her eyes. 'Charge in and slice everybody to ribbons before we even get the answers we're looking for.'

'Then what do _you_ suggest we do, Sparky?' Wolverine countered. 'Torch the place?'

'Well, Iron Man's the expert on the Mandarin, so why don't we see whether he's got any plans?' August suggested.

'So, what's the what, Shell-Head?' Jubilee asked as she looked over at Iron Man. 'Have you got a plan?'

'First we obviously need to gain access to the building.' Iron Man nodded. 'But we can't just go charging in, as Nightcrawler mentioned. The Mandarin is bound to have all sorts of sensors to detect intruders. My own sensors are just trying to determine what sort of tech we're dealing with here.'

'And just how long will that take?' Colossus enquired.

'Done.' Iron Man told the Russian mutant. 'Hunh. That's weird. The place is hardly guarded at all. Just your common garden security cameras and infrared beams.'

'You'd t'ink that somebody like de Mandarin would have some better security.' Gambit frowned. 'Gambit could get through dat security in his sleep.'

'Well, Mandy was always pretty arrogant.' Wolverine remembered. 'Perhaps he thinks he don't need to hi-tech sensors with those fancy rings of his.'

'Then let's go find out, _mes amis._' Gambit smirked. 'And if it's stealth you'll be needing, then that's Gambit's speciality.'

'There's no need, Gambit.' Iron Man told the Ragin' Cajun. 'My suit can hack into the Mandarin's systems from here. He won't even know that we're here.'

'Oh.' Gambit's shoulders fell in disappointment. 'Then you've got everything planned already, eh?'

'The Mandarin's a dangerous foe.' Iron Man pointed out. 'I always plan ahead whenever I have to deal with him.'

* * *

**Inside the compound-**

The heroes had found their way into the Mandarin's compounds with no trouble at all. The place didn't even have any guards patrolling anywhere, just lots of clay statues of ancient Chinese warriors.

'These statues are giving me the creeps.' Armor shivered as she followed the rest of the group along the corridor. 'They look so lifelike. It's almost like their eyes are following me.'

'Don't fret, kiddo.' Rogue reassured the young girl. 'They won't hurt you, they're only statues.'

'I think I have seen these statues somewhere before…' Colossus frowned as he wracked his head to try and remember where he recognised the statues from. 'Yes, the Terracotta Army. Several thousand clay warriors were made to guard an ancient Chinese emperor in the afterlife many years ago.'

'If these things are Chinese, then what are they doing here?' Jubilee blinked. 'Why would the Mandarin want them? Wouldn't they be like, protected by law or something?'

'All very good questions, my child. Unfortunately, you shall not live to see them answered.'

The heroes all spun to see the Mandarin standing on top of the stairs in front of them.

'The game's over, Mandarin!' Iron Man told his nemesis. 'Give up now or we'll have to get nasty. Personally, I'm hoping that you refuse. I'm itching to find an excuse to kick your head in.'

'It is always such a pleasure to meet you in battle, Stark.' The Mandarin chuckled. 'However, time is of the essence. I will not be the one destroying you. That honour falls to my Terracotta warriors!'

The Mandarin held out his hand as a beam of light shot out from one of his rings, illuminating the inert clay warriors around the room. One-by-one the statues burst into life and marched towards the heroes, their swords bared.

'I was planning on releasing my warriors on New York City.' The Mandarin explained. 'Having them destroy you will be a most suitable test for them.'

The Mandarin held his hands out towards the Terracotta Warriors.

'Terracotta Warriors: _Attack!_'

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Madness in Madripoor- Part 3**

_Will the X-Men and Iron Man be able to defeat the Mandarin's Terracotta Warriors? Tune in next time to find out…_


	27. Madness in Madripoor: Part 3

**Uncanny New X-Men**

**Chapter 27: Madness in Madripoor- Part 3**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel Comics._

_

* * *

_

'_Listen and understand. That Terminator is out there. It can't be bargained with, it can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear, and it absolutely will not stop. Ever. Until you are dead.'_**- Kyle Reese (The Terminator) **

* * *

The Mandarin stood at the top of the stairs facing the X-Men. The Chinese villain raised his hands and commanded his army of Terracotta Warriors forth.

'Terracotta Warriors: _Attack!_'

'And I thought this was gonna be a boring trip.' Wolverine grinned as he unsheathed his claws.

_**SNIKT!**_

'Rwawr!' The feral mutant growled as he leapt at the advancing hoard of not so-inanimate clay warriors.

'Oh, well. In for a penny and all that.' August sighed as her hands became swathed in flames. 'Let's make this these regret stepping out of the kiln!'

'Heh. I like de femme's t'inking.' Gambit grinned as he charged up one of his trademark playing cards with kinetic energy.

'Don't get cocky, X-Men.' Iron Man warned the mutants. 'We don't know what sort of tricks these warriors have got up their sleeves.'

'What sort of tricks could they have up their sleeves, Shell-Head?' Jubilee quipped. 'They're made of freaking clay! How tough could they be?'

As if to answer the Asian mutant's question, one of the Terracotta Warriors tried to slash at her with its sword.

'Hey! Watch the hands, buster!' Jubilee yelped as she ducked out of the warrior's path. 'Not on a first date, okay?'

_**PAF!**_

The young Asian mutant tossed one of her fireworks at the warrior's head, making explode in a cloud of dust and sparks.

'Hey, look at that!' Jubilee exclaimed once she noticed the wires sticking out of the warrior's neck. 'These things aren't the real deal! They're robots!'

'Now I do not feel so guilty for destroying these things.' Colossus said as he punched the head off another one of the warriors.

_**POW!**_

'I knew the Mandarin would dare trash relics from his own country.' Iron Man stated as he blasted more of the warriors with beams of energy beams from his hands.

_**ZORT!**_

'As evil as he is, he was always a patriot at heart.' The Golden Avenger added.

'Are you sure that now is such a good time to praise our foes, _mein freund?_' Nightcrawler enquired as he teleported onto the shoulders of one of the warriors and snatched its sword away.

_**BAMF!**_

'Ah, now the fun can really begin.' The fuzzy blue elf grinned as he tested his grip on the purloined sword and deftly sliced off the warrior's head. 'Such adventures makes me wish for the time when I dressed as a pirate.'

'That I absolutely _have_ to see.' August grinned as she scorched another warrior.

'Quit yer daydreamin', Kurt!' Rogue admonished her foster brother as she tore one of the warriors in half. 'We got enough trouble as it is without ya getting' all nostalgic.'

'I didn't know you were a pirate, Mr Wagner.' Armor blinked in amazement as she smashed two of the warriors.

_**CRUNCH!**_

'Please, call me Kurt.' Nightcrawler smiled as he ran another warrior through with his purloined sword. 'Or Nightcrawler if we are on a mission. You know how much of a stickler for rules Cyclops is, _ja?_'

'Hey, they Mandarin's getting away!' Jubilee noticed as she saw their foe making a quick getaway.

'He's mine!' Wolverine growled as he tore through the Terracotta Warriors standing between him and the stairway. 'We both got some unfinished business!'

'What do you say to a team-up, Logan?' Iron Man offered as he followed the feral mutant up the stairs.

'Hell, the guy's your nemesis, Stark.' Wolverine replied. 'It would be selfish of me to hog all the fun.'

* * *

**The roof-**

The Mandarin clambered into a helicopter that he kept on the roof in case of emergencies. As much as he would have liked to have stayed to watch his Terracotta Warriors destroy the X-Men and Iron Man, he had other business to attend to.

The helicopter was already in the air when Wolverine and Iron man charged through the door granting access to the roof.

'Can I offer you a lift?' Iron Man asked as he picked up Wolverine.

'It'll be rude to say no.' Wolverine grinned as Iron Man carried him in the direction of the escaping helicopter.

'You have no chance of winning this time, Iron Man!' The Mandarin yelled at the armoured Avenger. 'With one press of this button I will send this building sky high!'

'Are you thinking' what I'm thinkin', Stark?' Wolverine grinned up at Iron Man.

'Fastball Special, right?' Iron Man surmised.

'Oh, hell yeah.' Wolverine nodded as Iron Man tossed him right at the helicopter.

_**CRASH!**_

Wolverine punched through the helicopter's windscreen and cut off the hand of the Mandarin that was about to detonate the building that the rest of the X-Men were still fighting inside.

'Ahh! You fool!' The Mandarin howled as he cradled the stump that had once been his hand. 'You will kill us both!'

'Wishful thinkin', Mandy.' Wolverine retorted. 'I bet I could survive a crash, but what about you?'

'You shall pay dearly for this, X-Man!' The Mandarin snarled as the rings on his one remaining hand began to glow.

'Hey Stark, catch!' Wolverine said as he kicked the Mandarin straight out of the open door.

'Heh. You always were a class act, Logan.' Iron Man laughed as he caught the falling Mandarin by his one remaining hand, snapping his fingers to make sure that he couldn't use his rings again.

'Always the classiest.' Wolverine responded as he steadied the helicopter and landed it back down on the roof.

* * *

**Later-**

SHIELD Agents had arrived to take the Mandarin away. They would first of all take away his rings before reattaching his lost hand. The Mandarin wouldn't be able to use his rings to escape where he was going.

'Well, it was fun working with you.' Tony Stark smiled, having removed his helmet after the battle. 'We'll have to do it again sometime.'

'You better believe it, buddy.' Jubilee grinned. 'We're gonna hold you to it.'

'Don't be a stranger, _mein freund._' Nightcrawler smiled as he shook Stark's hand.

'Oh! Perhaps you and Miss Marvel would like to come on a double date with us!' August suggested.

'Uh… Carol and I are just friends.' Stark laughed nervously. 'We're not dating or anything.'

'Friends wit' privileges, I bet. Eh, _mon ami?_' Gambit grinned cheekily.

'You watch your mouth, Cajun!' Rogue admonished her partner. 'You kiss your momma with that mouth?'

'No, I kiss _you_ wit' this mouth.' Gambit winked back at her.

'Uch. Get a room.' Jubilee grimaced. 'Before you make us all sick.'

'I think they're sweet together.' Armor countered.

'You will have to forgive Jubilee, Hisako.' Colossus explained. 'She can be such a cynic sometimes.'

'Are you sure you don't want an escort back home?.' Tony Stark offered as he put his helmet back on.

'Thanks but no thanks, Stark.' Wolverine smiled. 'I figured that we'd stay for a while. Might as well go get a nightcap while we're here, right?'

'Well then, stay safe.' The armoured Avenger nodded as he took off into the air. 'Be seeing you around.'

'Is it me, or did that just seem oddly ominous?' August frowned in confusion.

'What's the problem, _liebe?_' Nightcrawler asked. 'It's not like Stark's going to round up everybody with powers and make us register our identities, is it?'

**TBC…**

**

* * *

**

**Next: Scott and Jean's Savage Land Adventure**

_Cyclops and Jean Grey head off to the Savage Land for a vacation. Beast and Emma Frost tag along as well. Can Jean and Emma go five minutes before being bitchy to each other? Tune in next time to find out…_


	28. Savage Land Adventure: Part 1

**Uncanny New X-Men**

**Chapter 28: ****Scott and Jean's Savage Land Adventure- Part 1**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel Comics._

_

* * *

_

**The Xavier Institute For Higher Learning-**

'Come on, Scott! Ka-Zar and Shanna are expecting us!' Jean Grey said as she tried to hurry her husband

'Perhaps I wouldn't be taking so long if you helped me with the cases.' Scott Summers grumbled as he struggled with all the cases he was carrying. 'Why do we need all these clothes anyway? It's not like we're going to need to dress for dinner.'

'I'm not going to dress in bikinis made of animal hides, Scott.' Jean pointed out. 'Who do you think I am, Emma?'

'It is always such a pleasure to know that I am liked.' Emma Frost remarked as she walked into the hangar bay closely followed by Hank McCoy, who was also weighed down with many cases.

'What are you doing here, Emma?' Jean sighed. Then she noticed all the cases Hank was carrying. 'Oh, no. Scott…'

'I thought it would be nice if we all went on vacation together. You two are supposed to be friends now, remember? I think it's about time that you acted like it.'

'I concur.' Hank added. 'For people who are supposed to be godmothers of each other's children, you do not act like you are remotely friendly with each other.'

'You were planning this from the start, weren't you?' Jean sighed.

'Well, to tell you the truth I was going to leave you both in the Savage Land on your own, but Hank said it would be immoral.' Scott admitted. 'Come on, it'll be fun.'

'You're going to pay for this, Scott Summers.' Jean glowered. 'Oh, you are going to pay.'

'Don't you think that you're getting away with this either, Henry.' Emma scowled at her fuzzy blue partner. 'The Frosts do not take kindly to being manipulated like this.'

'Yes, dear.' Hank rolled his eyes. 'Whatever you say, dear. Vengeance is imminent. We have all heard it before.'

Reluctantly, Emma followed Jean into the Blackbird jet that would be taking them to the Savage Land.

'Now, I don't want any bickering on this trip.' Scott told the pair of telepaths. 'We're going to have a nice peaceful vacation. Don't make me pull rank on you, but I will if I have to. Are we all clear?'

'Yes, Scott.' Jean grumbled under her breath.

'I'm sorry, Jean.' Scott grinned at the redhead. 'I didn't quite hear that.'

Jean shot a glare at her husband. If looks could kill, he would have been six feet under.

'Right, I'd better get this thing up in the air.' Scott said as he took his place.

'Scott, are you sure this is a wise idea?' Hank leant over to ask him. 'I have a bad feeling about this. You have angered two formidable telepaths enough. Are you sure you should exacerbate the situation any further?'

'Hank, everything's going to be fine.' Scott smiled as he started up the Blackbird. 'We're heading to the Savage Land. What's the worst thing that could happen?'

* * *

**The Savage Land, later-**

The Savage Land was somewhat unique amongst other jungles on Earth. Unlike being located in tropical warm places along the Equator, the Savage Land was right in the middle of the Antarctic. It was a jungle paradise right in the middle of the vast white wilderness. What also set the Savage Land apart was the fact that it was crawling with dinosaurs and various other prehistoric creatures. There were also several different tribes of primitive humans. Protecting those tribes was the job of Ka-Zar, the self-styled Lord of the Savage Land.

Ka-Zar was waiting in a large clearing in the forest near to his village with his wife Shanna, and Zabu, his loyal sabretooth tiger companion.

'It'll be great to see the X-Men again.' Ka-Zar said as he looked towards the heavens for any sign of the Blackbird.

'It'll make a change to see them under peaceful circumstances for once.' Shanna nodded. 'Usually whenever we meet the X-Men it's to help us fight Magneto or the Mutates. Things have been too quiet. Brainchild must be up to something.'

'If that's true then we'll do what we do every time Brainchild causes trouble.' Ka-Zar said. 'We'll fight him, and we'll win.'

'Rrrrr.' Zabu growled in agreement.

'See? Zabu agrees with me.' Ka-Zar smiled. 'Brainchild should know better than to mess with us. For someone so intelligent, he is a very slow learner.'

Shanna shielded her eyes as she saw the telltale black shape of the X-Men's Blackbird jet appear in the sky.

'Well, it looks like our guests are here.' Shanna stated. 'Let's hope that nothing bad happens during their visit.'

The trio stood back at the Blackbird came in to land before them. The door opened and Scott Summers stepped out.

'Ka-Zar! Shanna! It's great to see you again.' The X-Men's fearless leader grinned as he stepped forward and shook Ka-Zar's hand.

'It's a pleasure to see you again, Scott.' Ka-Zar matched the mutant's smile. 'Hello Jean, Hank, Emma.'

The Lord of the Savage Land then noticed that the two women didn't look particularly pleased.

'Is something wrong?' Ka-Zar asked. 'Did you not have a pleasant trip?'

'I would recommend that you leave the ladies be, my friend.' Hank said. 'It is quite a long story.'

'Then come, explain it all to us.' Shanna smiled at the quartet of mutants. 'You must be hungry after your trip. We have quite a feast prepared for you.'

'It would be rude not to.' Scott smiled. 'Don't you agree, Jean?'

The redhead just glowered back at her husband.

'I'm going to pay for this, aren't I?' Scott grimaced as he leaned in to whisper to Hank.

'Hell hath no fury like a redhead scorned, my friend.' Hank whispered back. 'Or blondes for that matter. We are both doomed. I dare say that the ladies are planning a fitting revenge for us both.'

'They would have forgotten about it after dinner.' Scott said. 'At least I hope they will.'

'I wouldn't get my hopes up, Scott.' Hank responded. 'Jean and Emma both have long memories. I would wager that they have something particularly vicious planned for us.'

'Let's wait until after dinner.' Scott suggested. 'Jean and Emma won't kill us until after they have eaten.'

Unknown to the two men, Jean and Emma were having their own little telepathic conversation.

'_Heh. Look at them talking to each other._' Jean chuckled. '_They're scared witless that we're planning revenge against them. You're not actually planning your revenge, are you?_'

'_Of course not, darling.' _Emma replied. _'I wouldn't be as gauche as to plot revenge. Those days are over. And Christian would never forigve me if I did anything to his father. I find it much more amusing that the boys think that we're planning vengeance.'_

'_Emma Frost, you are a bad, bad woman.' _Jean smiled. _'And that is why I like you.'_

'_You have quite the vicious streak yourself, dear.' _Emma pointed out. _'I never thought that you had it in you.'_

'_I just like messing with Scott's head sometimes'. _Jean explained. _'You know, knock him down a peg or two. As much as I love him, he can be so boring sometimes.'_

'_I think we had better stop conversing telepathically for now.' _Emma suggested. _'The boys will be starting to become suspicious.'_

Jean nodded silently as she walked over to Scott.

'Come on, Scott. Let's go to dinner, shall we?'

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Scott and Jean's Savage Land Adventure- Part 2**

_The vacation seems to be going peacefully until word gets out that the Savage Land Mutates are indeed up to no good. _


	29. Savage Land Adventure: Part 2

**Uncanny New X-Men**

**Chapter 29: ****Scott and Jean's Savage Land Adventure- Part 2**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel Comics._

_

* * *

_

**The Savage Land-**

Scott and the other X-Men were enjoying dinner with Ka-Zar and Shanna. The quartet of mutant heroes had decided to head over to the prehistoric utopia to catch up with old friends.

'Mmm, this stuff is delicious.' Scott complimented their hosts as he tucked into his dinner. 'What is it? I take it you can't just head off to the store and get a roast.'

'It's mammoth.' Shanna explained. 'You'd be surprised how many uses you could find for a mammoth. Their pelts make wonderfully comfortable blankets, and their bones can be used to support our huts. Like scaffolding.'

'Ah, yes.' Hank nodded. 'Like Native Americans and plains bison. They too found many uses for the large indigenous beasts, whereas the white settlers just hunted them for food which then led to their almost extinction.'

'Are you going to eat your dinner or lecture us on the morality of hunting indigenous species, darling?' Emma sighed.

'I was merely making a point, dear.' Hank said.

'It must have taken quite some time to capture one of these things.' Jean said. 'How did you do it?'

'Hunting mammoth is quite easy once you find out how.' Ka-Zar explained. 'First of all you corner a mammoth at the edge of a cliff. Once the mammoth topples over the edge you finish it off with a boulder to the head.'

'Perhaps I shouldn't have asked.' Jean grimaced as she pushed her plate away.

'How are things with Brainchild and the Mutates?' Hank enquired, hoping to change the subject. 'I trust that he isn't causing you too much trouble.'

'Brainchild has been too quiet for my wife's liking.' Ka-Zar explained. 'I'm perfectly happy to sit back and relax.'

'You know that this means, don't you?' Scott asked. 'He's obviously planning something.'

'Oh Scott, no…' Jean groaned into her hands. 'We came here to take some time off, not go out looking for trouble.'

'Come on, Jean.' Scott smiled at his wife. 'You didn't actually think that we'd have a quiet vacation, did you?'

'You have to admit that Scott is correct, Jean.' Hank added his two cents. 'Trouble does seem to follow us around.'

'I know I'm going to regret this, but I doubt there's anything I can do to stop you.' Jean sighed heavily. 'Let's go and see what the Mutates are up to then…'

* * *

**Mutate Citadel-**

The quartet of X-Men and their hosts had taken cover on a hillside overlooking the citadel that the Savage Land Mutates used as their base of operations. Fortunately, there was no sign of the Mutates. Unfortunately, that didn't mean that the Savage Land was free of trouble.

'I knew things had been too quiet.' Shanna thought out loud. 'Those armed men are forcing the natives to mine vibranium.'

'Surely SHIELD has put sanctions on such things.' Emma said. 'Those men can't just waltz into the Savage Land and force the natives to work for them.'

'Look closer, Emma…' Hank said as he handed the blonde telepath his binoculars. 'Their green-and-yellow uniforms identify those men as agents of HYDRA.'

'Why would HYDRA want to mine for vibranium anyway?' Jean asked.

'Vibranium is extremely rare, Jean.' Hank reminded the redheaded telepath. 'The only other major deposit is in Wakanda, which makes it even harder to obtain.'

'Not to mention its unique energy-absorbing property.' Scott added. 'That stuff is what makes Captain America's shield indestructible.'

'Who cares?' Shanna shrugged. 'We have to stop those men.'

'And I have just the solution to that problem.' Scott smiled.

'Scott, I don't like it when you smile like that.' Jean groaned. 'You're planning something stupid, aren't you?'

'All I'm going to do is create a diversion.' Scott explained. 'Ka-Zar, where's the nearest tyrannosaur nest?'

'Several miles to the East.' The Lord of the Savage Land answered. 'Why, what are you planning?'

'Everything will soon make sense.' Scott answered cryptically. 'Wait until Hank and I cause our distraction, then we'll take care of these HYDRA guys.'

'What do you mean _our_ distraction, Scott?' Hank spluttered. 'I want no part of this plan! I shudder to think what you have planned, therefore I wish to have no part of it.'

'Oh come on, Hank.' Scott grinned. 'Live a little, will you?'

* * *

**Several miles eastwards-**

Scott and Hank were carefully creeping towards an area of the Savage Land that tyrannosaurs used for nesting. Hank was still against the plan.

'Scott, I believe that this situation calls for me to a paraphrase a well known phrase, should we not let sleeping tyrannosaurs lie? No good can come of this.'

'You worry too much, Hank.' Scott reassured his friend. 'If worst comes to worst, Jean's there to grab us.'

'Before or after we become a giant lizard's entrée?' Hank sighed.

'Now, shush.' Scott hushed his friend. 'When I say run, run okay?'

'I cannot believe that I allowed myself to be talked into this.' Hank muttered to himself.

Scott stopped before a clearing where he saw a pair of slumbering tyrannosaurs. The X-Men's fearless leader held his hand up to his visor to prepare for an optic blast.

_**ZZRAKT!**_

The optic blasts hit the larger of the tyrannosaurs on the thigh. The giant lizard began to stir from its slumber. Needless to say it wasn't best pleased at being disturbed.

'_**ROOAAARRR!!'**_

Scott turned back to Hank.

'_Run!_' Scott yelled as he ran off in the direction of the HYDRA mining operation

Hank didn't need to be told twice as he too ran as fast as his furry legs could carry him.

* * *

**Back at the HYDRA Mining Operation-**

Two guards stood watching the Savage Land primitives mine for vibranium.

'Hey man, I don't suppose you know why we're having the locals mine this stuff, do you?' Agent Number One asked.

'Like I know.' Agent Number Two shrugged. 'Nobody ever tells us minions anything. Our job is to do as we're told and make sure that the locals don't cause trouble.'

One of the primitives let out a tired grunt as he fell to his knees.

'Hey, get up!' Agent Number Two ordered as he hit the primitive with the butt of his rifle.

_**DOOM! DOOM! DOOM!**_

'What was that?' Agent Number One blinked in confusion.

Agent Number Two turned in the direction of the sound just in time to see Cyclops and Beast charge through the undergrowth.

'It's the X-Men!' The HYDRA agent yelled. 'Get them!'

Much to the two agents' surprise, the two X-Men ran right past them.

'What the hell…?' Agent Number Two blinked.

The agent soon got his answer as two rather angry tyrannosaurs came charging through the undergrowth after the X-Men.

'_**ROOAAARRR!!'**_

'Holy _**crap!' **_Agent Number One yelled. 'Open fire! _Open fire!_'

_**BRATTATTATTA!!**_

Agent Number Two did as he was told and opened fire on the two tyrannosaurs. Unfortunately for them, the barrage of bullets bounce harmlessly off the creature's leathery skin. Being shot at by puny humans only angered them even more.

'_**ROOOOAAAAARRRRR!!' **_The female tyrannosaur roared as she picked up Agent Number Two in her jaws.

_**CHOMP!**_

Agent Number One had seen enough and ran away as fast as he could. Unfortunately for him, the male tyrannosaur was right behind him.

_**DOOM!**_

The male tyrannosaur squashed the agent under his foot and charged towards the rest of the HYDRA goons.

Up on top of the hill, Ka-Zar, Shanna, and the X-Men were watching the whole thing. Fortunately, Jean had been ready to pull Scott and Hank out of trouble with her telekinesis.

'I have to admit, that was a pretty cunning plan, Scott.' Ka-Zar admitted. 'Lure some angry tyrannosaurs to the mining complex and get them to do our work for us.'

'I almost feel guilty.' Shanna admitted. 'Setting those creatures on those poor men.'

'Those poor men are agents of HYDRA, darling.' Emma pointed out. 'God knows what sort of evil deeds they were planning to use that vibranium for. They deserve everything they receive.'

'You do realise that we interrupted dinner for this, don't you?' Jean reminded everybody.

'Don't tell me that you've changed your mind about eating mammoth, Jean.' Scott said.

'Nothing of the sort.' Jean laughed. 'I want to see what we have for dessert!

**TBC…**

**

* * *

**

**Next: Say Uncle**

_It's up to Alex and Bobby to baby-sit little Rachel and Christian when their parents go out for the night. Nothing could possibly go wrong… could it?_


	30. Say Uncle

**Uncanny New X-Men**

**Chapter 30: Say Uncle**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel Comics._

_

* * *

_

**The Xavier Institute For Higher Learning-**

Bobby Drake and Alex Summers walked through the grounds of the Xavier Institute they were babysitting Christian McCoy and Rachel Summers respectively while their parents were out of town.

'It's not that I don't like spending time with Christian, but why do we get lumbered with babysitting?' Bobby complained. 'Surely there are people better equipped to look after kids.'

'We're their godparents, Bobby.' Alex pointed out. 'You should have known that you would be called on to look after Christian while Emma and Hank are away. Besides, it's not like you had plans or anything.'

'Sure I did.' Bobby responded. 'I've got lots of stuff planned.'

'Such as?' Alex asked.

'Uh…' Bobby's mouth opened and closed as he searched for something to say. Fortunately, Christian and Rachel were there to spare him any more embarrassment.

'Unca Alex! Unca Alex!' Rachel called as she ran up with Christian. 'Look what we found!'

The little redheaded girl held her arm up to show her uncle the brightly-coloured butterfly that had come to rest upon it.

'Wow. That's really pretty, honey.' Alex smiled at his niece. 'Where'd you find it?'

'In those bushes.' Rachel answered as she pointed at some rose bushes a short distance away.

'Now Rachel, you know your mom doesn't like you crawling about in the bushes.' Alex told his niece. 'You'll get scratched.'

'Nuh-uh.' Rachel shook her head. 'I'm not scratched.'

Rachel then rolled up her sleeve, showing that she was indeed free of scratches from the roses' thorns.

'I think you'd better put the butterfly back, sweetie.' Alex said. 'It might have been in the middle of dinner. You wouldn't like it if you were eating dinner and somebody came along and snatched you up, would you?'

'No.' Rachel sighed sadly as she trudged away to put the butterfly back where she found it.

'So buddy, what do you wanna do now?' Bobby asked Christian. 'You wanna go to the park and get some ice-cream?'

Christian's furry blue face lit up at the thought of ice-cream.

'Could I have chocolate?' He grinned widely, jumping up and down. 'And nuts? And sauce?'

'You can have whatever you want, my man.' Bobby smiled as he ruffled his godson's hair. 'Uncle Bobby is here to serve.'

The ice-manipulating mutant dug his hand into his pocket in a search for money.

'Aww, man. I'm all out of cash.' Bobby sighed. 'Say Alex, you couldn't spare a few bucks could you?'

* * *

**Salem Centre, later-**

Bobby and Alex were now in the park watching Christian and Rachel run about playing with the other children. Christian was wearing a special watch that his father had made to disguise his fuzzy blue skin. Now he looked like any normal young boy happily playing.

'So, what's up with your love life, buddy?' Bobby asked, taking a sip from a can of soda.. 'You got anybody special I don't know about?'

'Bobby, we didn't come to the park to discuss my love life, or lack thereof.' Alex sighed.

'Hey, what about Doctor Reyes?' Bobby enquired. 'She's a doctor. That's your type, right? Or does she have to be one of my girlfriends before you steal her from me?'

Alex just glowered at his companion's comments.

'What about Opal?' Bobby suggested. 'She's an old girlfriend of mine. Why not go out with her?'

'Bobby, that isn't even funny.' Alex sighed.

'Hey, if you can't laugh as stuff like that, then what can you laugh at?' Bobby smirked. He then noticed two rather attractive women approaching. 'Whoa. Hotties at six o'clock!'

'Hi there.' One of the women, an attractive blonde smiled. 'Are those two kids your children? The redheaded girl and the brown-haired boy.'

'No, we're just…' Alex began to speak only for Bobby to elbow him in the ribs, cutting him off.

'What're you doing, man?' Bobby hissed. 'Chicks dig it when guys have kids. Go with it, will you?' Bobby turned to regard the blonde. 'Why yes, they are our kids.'

'Aww, it's so sweet.' The other woman, with black hair, cooed. 'It's good that life partners are able to look after their kids.'

'Wait… what?' Bobby spluttered. '_What? _Did you…? We're not…'

Alex couldn't help but laugh at that. Bobby glowered back at him.

'Oh, shut up.'

'Why do we always have to argue when we're looking after the kids?' Alex teased his friend. Bobby shook his head in disgust.

'Not funny, man.'

* * *

**Back at the Xavier Institute-**

Bobby and Alex had returned to the Xavier Institute to find that Rachel and Christian's parents had returned from their trip. The pair had left the children and went about their business. Bobby wasn't letting up about Alex's lack of a love life. He was determined to get his friend a date.

'This is a bad idea, Bobby.' Alex grumbled as his friend led him towards the infirmary. 'What if I don't want to go on a date?'

'Trust me, this is what's best for you.' Bobby reassured him. 'Now, get in there and ask Doctor Reyes out.'

'She'll only say no.' Alex pointed out. 'She's busy. She couldn't possibly go out on a date with me.'

'Who else is there for you to ask out?' Bobby countered. 'Most of the single women here are too young anyway. Besides, dating younger women is more Warren's thing. I'm not going to tell you again. Get your butt in the infirmary!'

Bobby gave Alex a shove, sending him stumbling into the infirmary. Alex shot the ice-manipulator a glare before reluctantly walking into the infirmary where Cecelia Reyes was busy working.

'Uh… hi.'

Doctor Reyes put down the test-tube she was examining and looked back at Alex.

'Something I can help you with, Alex?' The mutant doctor asked. 'Or are you just going to stand there gawking like an idiot? I've got more important things to do than sitting here waiting for you to find your tongue.'

'Uh...'

'Aww, for crying out loud!' Bobby groaned as he threw his hands up in exasperation. 'Just ask her out for dinner!'

'I knew you would be the one behind this, Drake.' Doctor Reyes rolled her eyes as she got up from her seat. 'So, a date, huh?'

'I'm really sorry about this, Cecelia.' Alex apologized. 'Bobby just wouldn't let it go.'

'Well, I suppose it would do me good to get out of here.' Cecelia nodded thoughtfully. 'What do you say about Thai?'

'Thai's good.' Alex nodded. 'How does seven sound?'

'Sounds great.' Cecelia smiled. 'Now get out of here, I've got important work to do.'

Happy that he had been spared too much embarrassment, Alex headed back outside to a waiting Bobby.

'See, that wasn't hard at all, was it?' Bobby grinned. 'Remember you owe me for fixing you two up.'

Alex just shot Bobby with another glare.

'Shut up, Bobby.'

**TBC…**

**

* * *

**

**Next: Brotherhood in the House**

_Exodus and the Brotherhood of Mutants lead an attack on the Xavier Institute. Will the X-Men be able to prevail against the evil mutants? Tune in next time to find out._


	31. Brotherhood in the House: Part 1

**Uncanny New X-Men**

**Chapter 31: Brotherhood in the House**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel Comics._

_

* * *

_

**The Xavier Institute for Higher Learning-**

It was a peaceful day at the home of the mutant heroes known as the X-Men. It seemed that things were finally going well for the X-Men. Humans still hated and feared them, but it seemed that anti-mutant hatred had somewhat dimmed in recent times.

Unfortunately, the peace would soon be shattered.

Scott Summers was sitting on a blanket having a picnic in the grounds of the Xavier Institute with his wife Jean.

'Scott, relax.' Jean ordered as she rubbed her husband's shoulders. 'Your shoulders are so tense. You really should lighten up. Keeping yourself uptight like this can't be good for your health.'

'I'd love to relax Jean, but I can't.' Scott explained. 'What if something were to happen? Not just to the rest of the X-Men. What if something happened to you or Rachel if I was off relaxing.'

'Scott, look around you.' Jean said, waving an arm in the direction of the X-Mansion. 'Nobody's attacking. I doubt that a rock's going to drop down and kill us all the minute you relax.'

'I just can't shake the feeling that something bad is coming.' Scott frowned. 'The more things stay quiet, the more likely it is that our enemies are planning something big.'

'If somebody's planning something, which I doubt they are, do you really think that we'd just let them waltz in here and tear the place down?' Jean tried to reassure the X-Men's leader. 'Thanks to Forge we have one of the most state-of-the-art security systems in the world.'

'Even the most state-of-the-art technology can break down.' Scott countered.

Jean was about to make her own counter when a blinding bolt of pain shot through her head.

'_**Aaaiighh!' **_Jean screamed as she clutched her head.

'Jean! What is it?' Scott asked concernedly as he held his wife. 'What's wrong?'

'_**Aaaaaghh!' **_Jean screamed once more before collapsing in her husband's arms.

'Jean?' A horrified Scott yelled, shaking his wife in an attempt to wake her. '_**Jeeeeaann!**_'

* * *

**The infirmary-**

Jean's collapse wasn't a unique occurrence. Whatever it was that caused her to collapse had also made the other telepaths living in the Institute do the same. Jean was laid out in the infirmary along with Emma Frost, Betsy Braddock, and the other telepaths that had fallen victim to the mysterious malady.

'Hank, tell me that you've found something.' Scott pleaded to the X-Men's resident fuzzy blue doctor. 'What's going on?'

'I have no idea, Scott.' Hank frowned. 'As far as my tests can tell, there is absolutely nothing wrong with Jean and the others.'

'Do you call collapsing in my arms for unexplained reasons normal?' Scott snapped. 'Do something, Hank! You're a doctor for crying out loud!'

'Calm down, lad.' Moira MacTaggart told the X-Men's leader. 'Yuir not the only one that's affected by all this. Look around ye. We all are. Now, are ye going t' leave Hank and I be so we can find out what's causing all this, or will I have t' move ye?'

_**Vrrrrr-shunk!**_

The lights in the infirmary suddenly went out, leaving the whole room in darkness.

'Ach. Now what?' Moira groaned in exasperation.

'Hmm, curious.' Hank frowned. 'The emergency systems should have come on as soon as the power went out. I wonder if this is an isolated occurrence, or is it happening all over the Institute?'

_**Be-deep!**_

As if in response to Hank's queries, Scot's communicator beeped.

'What the hell's going on here, Summers?' Logan grumbled on the other side of the communicator. 'I was enjoying the game and some beer, now the whole mansion's outta power. You been skimpin' on the bills?'

'There's no time for jokes, Wolverine.' Scott replied. 'There's something serious going on. First all the telepaths fall into mysterious comas, now this. This could only mean an attack.'

'Heh. Now yer talkin'.' Logan chuckled. 'I was startin' to get antsy sittin' on my butt fer so long. Finally, some action!'

'If somebody's attacking, then ye'd better get going too, Hank.' Moira told the blue-furred doctor. 'Cecelia and I will be able to cope without ye.'

Hank simply nodded and followed Scott out of the door.

* * *

**Outside-**

Several figures appeared in a flash of light in front of the Xavier Institute.

'Another fine landing if I do say so myself.' Dark Beast, the other-dimensional evil counterpart of Hank McCoy, chuckled as he put away his teleport module. 'The Xavier Institute is ours for the taking, Exodus.'

'I take it that the telepaths have already been dealt with.' Exodus stated.

'Way ahead of you, boss.' Regan Wyngarde, the blonde-haired spawn of the original Mastermind, confirmed with a triumphant smirk. 'Jean Grey and the rest aren't gonna be waking up any time soon.'

'Good.' Exodus smiled. 'Now, you all know what you have to do. Sabretooth and Feral, go with Regan and Martinique make sure that the telepaths are no longer able to cause us any trouble.'

'Don't you think we did the job?' Martinique Jason, the brunette spawn of the original Mastermind, frowned. 'I'd understand if you left the blonde tramp to take out the telepaths. She never was as good as me.'

'Bite me, you uptight witch.' Regan retorted.

'Give me the word, boss and I'll gut 'em both.' Sabretooth growled.

'Hey, leave some for me, Creed.' Feral demanded. 'I wanna tear up the pretties too.'

'Lay a single claw on me and you'll spend the rest of your days drooling into a cup.' Martinique glowered at the evil feline mutant.

Exodus simply ignored his lackey's bickering and continued to give out orders.

'Blob, you're with Avalanche and Sauron.' Exodus told them. 'Keep the X-Men occupied while McCoy and I look for the one we want.'

'Be a pleasure, boss.' The Blob nodded in understanding. 'C'mon boys, let's go cause some fuss!'

'Bet ya fifty that Lykos gets shot in the head again.' Avalanche grinned as he followed his corpulent teammate.

'Watch your tongue, or I'll tear it out.' Sauron threatened, glaring at the Greek-American mutant. Avalanche simply rolled his eyes.

'Geez. Lighten up, will ya? Have some fun. Go rip up some X-Men, and try not to get your brains all over the floor.'

**TBC…**

**

* * *

**

**Next: Brotherhood in the House- Part 2**

_The X-Men fight back!_


	32. Brotherhood in the House: Part 2

**Uncanny New X-Men**

**Chapter 32: Brotherhood in the House- Part 2**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel Comics._

* * *

**The Xavier Institute for Higher Learning-**

It had not been a good day for the X-Men. All of the telepaths had fallen into identical mysterious comas, and the electrical systems had also been equally mysteriously shut down. Moira MacTaggart and Cecelia Reyes were left to tend to the unconscious telepaths while the rest of the X-Men dealt with the problem.

'No sooner have I rejoined, then we end up under attack.' Doctor Reyes sighed as she held a flashlight so Moira could read some notes Hank McCoy had left on a pad at the foot of Jean Grey's bed. 'I'm starting to think I should have stayed in Mutant Town on my own.'

'What, and miss out on all the fun, lass?' Moira chuckled slightly. 'We cannae have that…'

Moira had barely finished her statement when a burst of flame shot out from the unconscious Jean.

'Moira! Are you okay?' Cecelia asked as she tried to shield her friend with a force field.

'_Everything's okay, Cecelia…_' A voice said, but it wasn't Moira. The voice was coming from the avian-shaped inferno emanating from Jean Grey.

'Jean? How did you…?' Moira frowned.

'_Please Moira, explanations can wait.' _Jean told the Scottish physician. _'You have to go and make sure the children are safe. We telepaths can take care of ourselves.'_

'Are ye sure, lass?' Moira asked concernedly.

'_Moira, I'm the Phoenix.' _A telepathic chuckle came from Jean. _'Now go, guard the children.'_

Moira didn't need to be told twice. Her grandchildren were amongst some of the young ones living in the mansion, and she would rather die than let anything happen to them.

'Let's stop off at the armoury first.' Moira told her fellow doctor. 'In case we run into trouble.'

Cecelia nodded in understanding and followed Moira out of the room.

'Since when have the X-Men needed an armoury?' Doctor Reyes enquired.

'Personally, I blame Deadpool.' Moira explained. 'Now come on, let's go save the wee ones.'

Once the two doctors had departed, the fiery phoenix spread across to the rest of the unconscious telepaths. One-by-one they began to return to consciousness.

'What in the world…?' Emma Frost grumbled, rubbing her head. She then noticed the telltale symbol of the Phoenix lighting up the room. 'Oh, how convenient. The Phoenix saves us once more.'

'_Save the gratitude for later, Emma dear.' _Jean responded. _'I can sense people coming. I have a plan…'_

* * *

**Elsewhere-**

Several floors above the infirmary, Cyclops and the rest of the X-Men had gone to give a traditional Xavier Institute welcome to those that had been foolish enough to attack their home. The welcome mostly entailed hitting the intruders until they didn't get back up.

The X-Men had barely reached the main foyer when the door exploded inward.

'Knock knock!' The Blob grinned. 'Can the X-Men come out to play?'

'What the hell do you want, Blob?' Cyclops glowered at the obese mutant.

'That would be telling, One-Eye.' The Blob snickered 'What do you say we cut the talk and get to the fight already?'

'I wouldn't have it any other way.' Cyclops retorted as he let rip with an optic blast.

_**ZRAKT!**_

'Haw! Is that the best you got, squirt?' The Blob laughed as the optic blast harmlessly slammed into his gut. 'You know it's gonna take more than that to take me out.'

'Then how about we see how you like being flash-frozen?' Iceman retorted as he launched a beam of ice, freezing the Blob in place.

'Hey, leave some for the rest of us, Bobby.' Angel said as he swooped down from the stairs, tackling Avalanche to the ground. 'I'd stay down if I were you.'

'Not a chance, Blondie.' Avalanche retorted as he knocked back the winged X-Men with a seismic blast.

_**CHOOM!**_

'I have you, Warren!' Colossus yelled as he caught his teammate. 'Let us see you try some of your own medicine. The Russian mutant slammed his fists on the ground, creating his own mini-earthquake.

_**DOOM!**_

Avalanche lost his footing and fell onto his backside. The Greek-American mutant slowly got back on to his feet.

'Oh, you're gonna pay for that, Ruskie.'

'I don't think so.' Shadowcat smirkedas she phased her hand through Avalanche's chest. 'Stop right there, or things get messy.'

'Perhaps we could say the same thing for you, X-Men.' Sauron snarled as he swooped down towards Shadowcat.

_**FWOOSH!**_

A jet of flame knocked Sauron to the ground. It was Lockheed, Shadowcat's dragon companion.

'There's a good dragon!' Shadowcat beamed as she hugged the purple alien dragon tight. 'You show that mean pterodactyl who's boss!'

'Heh.' Lockheed smirked as he nuzzled his human friend. Unfortunately, the mood was soon ruined as the Blob burst out of his icy prison.

_**KRAKOOM!**_

'This is _really _starting to get old.' Iceman sighed as he readied another ice beam.

* * *

**Meanwhile-**

Hank McCoy dashed through the corridors of the X-Mansion. Logan was accompanying him. The furry-blue doctor stopped suddenly as he detected a familiar scent.

'Hey, ain't that my schtick?' Logan quipped. 'You gonna go berserker on me too?'

'Oh yes, that would be quite a sight to see.' An evil voice chuckled. 'A pleasure to see you again, Henry.'

'I wish I could return the sentiment.' Hank scowled at his evil other-dimensional counterpart. 'But we both know that I'd be lying.'

_**SNIKT!**_

'You got some nerve coming here, McCoy.' Logan growled. 'You ain't gonna leave this place in one piece.'

'Leave him to me, Logan.' Hank told his friend. 'This is personal.'

'Yes Logan, run along like a good little X-Man, will you?' Dark Beast suggested. 'I believe Sabretooth is somewhere nearby.'

'Hank, you ain't gonna take him on alone, are ya?' Logan asked his friend.

'This. Is. Personal.' Hank responded. There was something in the tone of the Beast's voice that told Logan that the blue feline doctor was seriousl.

'Carve a chunk outta him for me, will ya?' Logan nodded as he departed to hunt down his own nemesis.

'Now that the midget's gone, what do you say we get down to business?' Dark Beast asked.

'As much as I abhor violence, I don't see any way out of this other than a dose of fisticuffs.' Hank grunted in agreement, cracking his knuckles. 'It may well be therapeutic.'

* * *

**The Infirmary-**

The doors to the infirmary swooshed open as several members of the Brotherhood of Mutants stepped inside.

'Heh. Look at all the defenceless pretties.' Feral snickered. 'Let's make sure they don't wake up.'

Sabretooth stopped and sniffed the air.

'I smell children.' The evil feral mutant stated. 'I'm gonna hunt down some fresh meat.'

'You're a real class act, you know that Creed?' Regan Wyngarde rolled her eyes.

'Let him have his fun.' Martinique, Regan's sister, shrugged. 'We have a job to do.'

The three remaining members of the Brotherhood walked further into the infirmary as Sabretooth went on the hunt for the children. Feral stopped beside the bed where Monet St Croix was lying.

'I call dibs on this one!' The feline mutant said as she reached down to grab the unconscious Monet. Unfortunately for Feral, Monet was the one doing the grabbing.

'What the hell?' Feral snarled as she struggled to free herself from Monet's clutches.

_**SPANG!**_

With a free hand Monet grabbed a bedpan and hit Feral over the head with it.

'We were faking, you idiot.' Monet scowled as she hopped off her bed.

'I'm gonna gut you for that…' Feral hissed as she clutched her head. 'It's gonna be slow and painfu…'

Feral's boasts trailed off as Betsy Braddock stabbed her in the head with a blade of psionic energy.

'Bad kitty.' Betsy quipped as she let Feral's unconscious body fall to the ground.

'You're married to Deadpool and that's the best witty one-liner you can come up with?' Monet sighed.

'You'll have to excuse me, being in a coma rather reduced my line in witty repartee.' Betsy retorted. 'I'll have Wade write some jokes for me if you feel like you must have witty banter.'

'I think you're forgetting something, Elizabeth old bean.' Regan stated.

'She hasn't forgotten.'

_**POW!**_

A diamond fist struck the blonde Mastermind sister on the chin, knocking her to the floor.

'She hasn't forgotten, you horrible little tramp.' Emma Frost sneered as she stood over the fallen villainess.

'You're one to talk, Frost.' Regan retorted as she wiped blood from her mouth. 'Have you ever looked in your wardrobe lately?'

'Darling, do you know the difference between the two of us?' Emma asked. 'I make this look good.' The former White Queen then kicked Regan in the face, knocking her to the ground once more.

_**CRUNCH!**_

Unknown to Emma, Martinique had pulled out a gun and was pointing it right at her.

'As much as I enjoy seeing my sister being beaten to a bloody pulp, I'm going to have to ask you to stop right there.' The brunette Mastermind sister warned the blonde telepath. 'Unless you want to end up shattered into pieces.'

'_Do you remember what happened to your father, Martinique?_' A psionic voice asked. _'Why don't you turn around and see?'_

Martinique turned around and came face-to-face with the fury of Jean Grey in full-on Phoenix mode.

'_Boo.' _Jean smirked as Martinique collapsed to the floor.

'Is she…?' Betsy began to ask.

'Just unconscious.' Jean explained as her fiery aura began to dissipate. 'I just gave her a little dose of what the Phoenix Force gave to her father back in the day. Now come on, the rest of the X-Men need our help.'

* * *

**The Danger Room-**

Moira MacTaggart and Cecelia Reyes had successfully managed to coral all of the children into the Danger Room, as well as some of the students.

'You're not going to leave us here. Are you?' Sharon Smith asked. 'Let us help you kick some Brotherhood butt!'

'Somebody has to stay here and look after the wee ones.' Moira explained.

'What do you expect us to do?' Sharon asked. 'Tell them a story?'

'Use your imagination, kid.' Cecelia said as she and Moira exited the Danger Room and secured the door behind them. Once the young ones were safe, Cecelia turned to regard Moira.

'Looks like I picked the wrong day to give up smoking.' The mutant Doctor quipped. Unfortunately, it didn't seem that Moira was all too amused. The Scottish doctor was loading ammunition into a shotgun that she had procured from the armoury.

'You really know you way around a gun, don't you?' Cecelia stated.

'What, d'ye think that I spend all my time sitting in the infirmary staring at test tubes?' Moira responded as she checked her aim. 'Keep an eye out. We never know what's going to come down that corridor.'

_**SKREEEECH!**_

'I smell children…' Sabretooth chuckled in an evil sing-song voice as he scraped his claws along the walls of the corridor. 'I was looking forward to playing with the little kiddies, but it looks like I'll have to start with you.'

'Yuir welcome to try, Creed.' Moira retorted as she took aim at Sabretooth. 'We're no' going t' let ye get past us without a fight.'

'Heh. You think those little pop guns're gonna do anything to me?' Sabretooth snickered. 'I'd like to see ya try.'

_**BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!**_

Sabretooth staggered back with each shot, but was still unharmed.

'Nice try, frail.' The feral mutant sneered. 'Now it's my turn…'

_**SNIKT!**_

'What?' Sabretooth blinked before his head quickly became separated from his head.

_**SLICE!**_

'Holy…!' Cecelia yelped as Sabretooth's head came to rest right beside her foot.

'Looks like I got here just in time.' Logan said as he kicked Sabretooth's headless body away from him. 'How are the kids?'

'They're safe, Logan.' Moira told him. 'Was it really necessary to cut off his head?'

'Well, excuse me all to heck, Doc.' Logan retorted. 'Next time, how about I just let Creed carve you up?'

'Guys, let's leave the arguing for the Brotherhood, okay?' Cecelia said as she tried to calm matters. 'We've got to make sure that nobody else gets to the kid. Also, perhaps somebody had better, uh… move the body.'

* * *

**Outside-**

Back with Cyclops and the others, the fight had spilled out onto the front lawn. The Brotherhood had all but been beaten however. The only member of the Brotherhood left standing was Exodus, however.

_**ZARK!**_

Cyclops tried to take down Exodus with an optic blast, but the villain easily shrugged it off.

'Your powers are far too week, Cyclops.' Exodus boasted. 'You might as well lie down and die.'

'You know what, I don't really mind people attacking my home.' Cyclops said as he began to remove his visor. 'I'm pretty much used to it. I don't really like it when they hurt my friends, but that pretty goes with the territory. Do you know what _really_ pisses me off? _People upsetting my daughter!'_

_**ZRAKOOM!**_

The optic blast incinerated Exodus on the spot, leaving nothing but a charred patch on the lawn.

'Heh. You X-Jerks think you've won.' A captive Avalanche snickered. 'We were just a distraction.'

'Distraction?' Iceman blinked in confusion. 'What do you mean distraction?'

Iceman never got his answer as the Brotherhood disappeared in a flash of light.

'Scott, what did he mean by distraction?' Iceman asked the X-Men's fearless leader. The frigid X-Man soon got his answer as Rogue's voice came over Scott's communicator.

'Scott, it's Lorna. The Brotherhood's got Lorna.' The Southern Belle explained. 'The Vanisher just appeared and snatched her.'

'Scott, we have to do something!' Iceman demanded, grabbing Cyclops by the collar. 'You're not going to just let them take her, are you?'

'No I'm not, Bobby.' Cyclops shook his head. 'We're going to hunt the Brotherhood down and make them pay for attacking us.'

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: The Children of Magneto-**

_The X-Men head to Genosha take rescue their kidnapped teammate. Guest-starring the Avengers and the West Coast Avengers. _


	33. The Children of Magneto: Part 1

**Uncanny Classic X-Men**

**Chapter 33: The Children of Magneto- Part 1**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel Comics._

* * *

**The skies above the Indian Ocean-**

The X-Men's state-of-the-art Blackbird jet tore through the skies above the Indian Ocean, heading towards the island nation of Genosha, off the east coast of Africa and just north of Madagascar. Exodus and the Brotherhood of Mutants had just attacked the Xavier Institute. However, the attack was just a distraction. The real reason why the Brotherhood had visited the home of the X-Men was to kidnap Lorna Dane, also known the magnetism-manipulating mutant Polaris. Lorna also happened to be the estranged daughter of none other than the Master of Magnetism: Magneto!

Cyclops was leading the team consisting of himself, Jean Grey, Beast, Iceman, Angel, Banshee, and Havok. Banshee leant over to comfort the usually upbeat Iceman.

'Don't worry, boyo.' The Irish mutant reassured his teammate. 'There's nothing t' be worried about. We'll rescue Lorna in no time.'

'Yeah, right.' Iceman snorted bitterly. 'How do you know Lorna hasn't been killed already?'

'If the Brotherhood wanted Lorna dead, then they would have done so back at the Xavier Institute.' Banshee pointed out. 'Besides, Lorna's tough. She won't give up without a fight.'

Nearby, Jean was checking up on Beast. The fuzzy blue feline mutant had engaged in quite a savage battle with his alternate reality counterpart known as Dark Beast. Unfortunately, Beast hadn't come out of the encounter totally unscathed.

'Ow! Stars and garters, Jean…' Beast in pain hissed as Jean tightened his bandages. 'Be careful with those bandages.'

'Oh, quit whining.' Jean rolled her eyes. 'You're a doctor, Hank. You should be used to this. Honestly, you complain more than Little Rachel did when it was time for her flu shot.'

_**SKRANG!**_

The X-Men almost tumbled out of their seats as something crashed into the Blackbird.

'What the hell was that, Scott?' Havok asked as he craned his neck to get a better view out of the viewport.'

'We've got hostiles.' Cyclops told his team. 'Sauron and the Acolyte Gargouille.'

'What, now the Brotherhood have teamed up with the Acolytes?' Angel asked. 'That's just wonderful.'

'We'd better do something about it then.' Banshee said as he got up out of his seat. 'Warren, what do ye say about working out some aggression?'

'Heh. Never thought you ask.' Angel grinned as he exited the Blackbird and took to the air alongside the Irish mutant.

'You should have stayed inside, X-Men.' The reptilian mutant known as Sauron hissed at the heroes from his perch atop one of the Blackbird's wings. 'It would have been safer.'

'Dispense with your boasts and kill them already.' Gargouille snapped from her place atop the opposite wing.

'Do not presume to order me around, woman.' Sauron retorted. 'You are lucky that we are supposed to be working together. I have gutted people for less.'

'_**EEEEEEEE!' **_A sonic scream from Banshee blasted Sauron off the Blackbird's wing.

'Ahh! Damn you, X-Man!' Sauron hissed as he regained his balance. 'You shall pay dearly for that!'

_**ZZRAKOOM!**_

A lightning bolt blasted Sauron in the chest, cutting his boasts short and sending him tumbling into the ocean below.

'Might we offer our assistance?' Thor offered as he and the rest of the East and West Coast Avengers made their appeared onboard their Quinjets.

'Help yourself.' Angel offered.

'Allow me to deal with the winged villainess.' Beta Ray Bill said as he swung his enchanted hammer at Gargouille.

_**CRACK!**_

The winged Acolyte tumbled from the Blackbird's wing, falling into the ocean below alongside Sauron.

'Let me guess, some of the Avengers were kidnapped as well.' Banshee surmised.

'Aye, the Scarlet Witch was kidnapped by the Acolytes.' Thor explained. 'The Marauders were the ones behind Quicksilver's disappearance. Which of the X-Men was taken?'

'The Brotherhood of Mutants took Polaris.' Banshee explained. 'Hmm, the Brotherhood and the Acolytes teaming up with the Marauders. This is getting more complicated by the minute.'

'I say we wait for explanations once we land.' Angel suggested. 'The longer we hang around talking up here, the more time the bad guys have of finding us again.'

'Then we shall begin an plan of attack.' Beta Ray Bill nodded in agreement.

* * *

**Later-**

The heroes had landed upon Genosha and their respective leaders went about making a plan of attack. While this was going on, everybody was catching up.

'It is a proud sight to see so many heroes working together.' Thor stated. 'Too many times has an assemblage like this begun with unnecessary fighting between teams.'

'Indeed.' Beast nodded in agreement. 'It felt prudent to dispense with the usual inter-team brawl. Especially now that our friends are in danger. However, I am quite stumped as to why three separate villainous teams are working together with a common goal. Why would the Acolytes, who feel that mutants are the superior race, choose to work with the Marauders, a gang of mutant-killing mercenaries?'

'I am as perplexed as to their motivation as you are, Henry.' The Vision stated. 'All teams concerned have shown little inclination to work together before.'

Madelyne Pryor walked over to Jean Grey. The redheaded Avenger had kept her distance from the other woman ever since they had landed, but she felt that she had some things to clear up if they were to work together.

'Jean, I just want to say something before we rescue our friends…' Madelyne said solemnly. 'If we're going to work together effectively I want to clear the air first.'

Obviously, Jean was wary of the other woman given their history together, but now was not the time to dwell on such things.

'Feel free to say anything you want.' Jean told the other woman. 'It looks like we have some time until the others finish making the plan.'

Madelyne took a deep breath before continuing.

'I wanted you to know that I don't blame you for anything that happened in the past.' Madelyne explained. 'If I have to blame anybody, it should be Scott. He was the one that deserted me and his child. I'm not going to let that get in the way of finding our friends. Our unfortunate history isn't as important as rescuing the others. I don't expect us to ever be friends, and no amount of apologies can make up for what I've done in the past but I just wanted to let you know that I have no ill will towards you.'

'Thank you, Madelyne.' Jean nodded. 'It takes a brave person to do what you have just done. Let's hope we can work through all this once we're done here.'

'Guys, we're ready to go.' Cyclops told the assembled heroes. 'There's an entrance to a series of tunnels underneath the whole island nearby.'

'We should be able to find who we're looking for in the former site of Hammer Bay, underneath that huge monument to Magneto made out of old Sentinel parts.' Iron Man chipped in. 'It's just like the Acolytes to use something as ostentatious as that as their hiding place.'

'So that's our plan?' Iceman asked. 'We're just going to walk right in there? You do realise that they probably already know we're here. That's why they sent the welcome party earlier.'

'Hey, at least it's a plan.' The Wasp shrugged. 'It's not like we're just going charging in there. At least I hope we're not. I haven't brought the right outfit for a suicide mission.'

**Later, underneath the remains of Hammer Bay-**

The X-Men and both teams of Avengers carefully crept through the tunnels underneath the city. They had met little to no resistance since landing on the island, so whoever was behind the kidnapping of their teammates must have had better things to deal with than intruders. Jean Grey held up her hand, stopping the heroes.

'Wait, I sense people approaching…' The redheaded telepath stated. 'It's Senyaka, Avalanche, and Harpoon.'

'I'll deal with them.' Crystal said. 'Everybody else find somewhere to hide. This could get messy.'

The heroes all did as the element-manipulating Inhuman said as backed away as the villains approached.

'What the hell's taking those two so long?' Avalanche grumbled. 'God, I bet Lykos has gotten himself shot in the head again. That stuff is getting real old.'

'Lykos is a fool.' Senyaka sneered. 'Why Exodus chose to recruit him is beyond me.'

'I'm getting bored just sitting around here doing nothing.' Harpoon groused. 'The Marauders are supposed to be trained killers, dammit.'

'You are lucky that we are supposed to be working together, Harpoon.' Senyaka glowered at the Inuit Marauder. 'Scum like you should be killed on sight.'

'Yeah, and I'm sure you would have done it personally.' Harpoon rolled his eyes. 'You ever think of becoming a Marauder yourself? You sure seem to be into killing a lot.'

'I only kill on the orders of Exodus.' Senyaka explained.

'Unless you hadn't noticed, Exodus is dead.' Avalanche reminded him. 'Now you're as much a hired goon as the rest of the Marauders.'

'Hello boys…' Crystal said as she stepped into the light.

'Intruders!' Avalanche yelled. 'We got intruders!'

_**FWOOSH!**_

Crystal sent a huge gust of wind spiralling towards the three villains, smashing them against the walls of the tunnel.

'Ahh. Gonna kill you for that.' Harpoon hissed in pain as he struggled up to his feet.

'I don't think so…' Goliath said as he grew giant-size and slammed his fist down on the Marauder.

_**BADOOM!**_

'All this fuss must have alerted the others to our presence.' Tigra stated as she checked on the unconscious villains. 'We'd better get a move on before we run into more bad guys.'

* * *

**Later again-**

The combined teams of heroes made their way to their destination with barely any more trouble. Everybody kept alert in case they encountered any more enemies.

'Our friends should just be in the next room.' Jean stated. 'I can sense them. It's weak, but they're still alive.'

'Thank heaven for small mercies.' Iron Man said as they all entered the next room. The kidnapped heroes were all contained in giant glass tanks, cables attached to their bodies.

'God, what have those bastards done?' Iceman grimaced. 'They've got Lorna and the others strung up like some sort of science experiment.'

'Then we had better release them.' Thor stated as he readied his enchanted hammer.

'Thor, wait…' Iron Man told his teammate. 'We don't know what will happen if we just smash our way through this. We have to be careful.'

'Look at this…' Madelyne said as she examined a fourth figure floating in one of the tanks. 'It's Magneto. He's all trussed up as well.'

'If they have Magneto, then who's behind the villains joining forces?' The Wasp asked.

As if in answer to the heroine's question, a holographic image fizzled into life.

'Ah, the heroes finally arrive.' The figure chuckled evilly. 'I was beginning to wonder when you would arrive.' Cyclops sneered angrily as soon as he noticed the holographic figure.

'Sinister!'

'A pleasure to see you again, Cyclops.' Mr Sinister smiled. 'I would sincerely wish to be there to meet you myself, but I have already gleamed that which I require from your dear captive friends. Do try not to make too much of a mess when you die, will you?'

The assembled heroes all spun around when several doors behind them whooshed open to reveal the massed might of the Brotherhood of Mutants, the Acolytes, and the Marauders.

'Ready for round two, Henry?' Dark Beast grinned.

'Indeed.' Beast nodded in confirmation. 'I intend to make sure that only one of us will walk away from this fight.'

Iron Man took it upon himself to rally the heroes into an attack.

'_**AVENGERS ASSEMBE!**_'

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: The Children of Magneto- Part 2**

_The X-Men, the Avengers, and the West Coast Avengers Vs The Brotherhood of Mutants, the Acolytes, and the Marauders. 'Nuff said!_


	34. The Children of Magneto: Part 2

**Uncanny Classic X-Men**

**Chapter 34: The Children of Magneto- Part 2**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

* * *

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel Comics._

* * *

**Deep underneath Genosha-**

'_**Avengers Assemble!'**_

X-Men and Avengers alike leapt into battle at Iron Man's command. Various teams of villains had banded together to kidnap members of all three teams. The Brotherhood had snatched Polaris from the X-Men, while the Acolytes and the Marauders had taken the Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver from the Avengers and West Coast Avengers, respectively. Magneto had also been captured by the villains, and was strung up with the rest of his kin. Somehow, the mutant geneticist known as Mister Sinister was behind the whole thing. He had taken various members of Magneto's bloodline to experiment with their genetic material, just as he had with the Summers' years ago.

'We have to get out of here quick!' Cyclops yelled as he downed several villains with an optic blast. 'Sinister's probably got this whole place rigged to blow!'

'You're welcome to try and make an escape, Cyclops.' Iron Man responded as he took out more villains with a repulsor blast. 'What are we going to do about our friends? How the hell do we get them out?'

'I'm open to any plans.' Tigra chipped in as she vaulted over Harpoon's head and kicked him in the face. 'God, to think this is only my second day in charge of the West Coast Avengers.'

'Less talk, more smiting!' Thor said as he began to whirl his enchanted hammer above his head. 'I would recommend that you grab on to something.'

'Oh, hell. This is going to suck.' Iceman grimaced as he grabbed on to a computer console.

Thor continued to spin the mighty Mjolnir above his head and those villains not quick enough to heed the Thunder God's words and hold on to something began to be thrown around the room by the onslaught of wind.

'Well, that was over awfully quick, don't you think?' The Wasp said as she looked around at the fallen villains.

'Don't count these idiots out just yet.' Havok advised the Avengers. 'They're bound to have something up their sleeves.'

'Somebody help me get Pietro out of here…' Crystal grunted as she struggled to release her husband from the glass tank he was floating inside.

'Allow me, Crystal.' Beta Ray Bill said as he helped his teammate release the unconscious Quicksilver. The other heroes followed suit and set about releasing the other captives.

'They do not seem to be too badly harmed.' Beast stated as he checked up on the unconscious heroes. 'They should be up and about in no ti…'

'_Rraaaghh!' _Dark Beast interrupted his more heroic counterpart as he leapt upon him, not being as unconscious as once thought. 'I'm not finished with you yet, Henry!'

'I could say likewise, impostor!' Beast growled back as he kicked his evil doppelganger away from him. 'Surrender now; you are beaten.'

'Surrender?' Dark Beast scoffed. 'Never!'

_**POW!**_

A silver-and-blue blur threw Dark Beast off his feet, sending him crashing against a nearby console.

'Pietro!' Crystal beamed as she grabbed her husband in a big hug. 'You're okay!'

'Of course I'm fine, dear.' Quicksilver mused. 'What the hell happened here?'

'My guess is that we were kidnapped, and everybody is here to rescue us.' The Scarlet Witch stated, also up and around. 'Although, I fail to see why.'

'Explanations can wait.' iron Man said. 'We'd better get out of here before the whole place blows. I'd wager that console Quicksilver threw Dark Beast against was the complex's self destruct.'

As if in answer to Iron Man's comments, the whole room began to rumble and shake.

'Perhaps now would be a good time to make our escape.' Polaris agreed.

'What about the villains?' Banshee asked. 'We canna just leave them here.'

'We haven't got time to drag these idiots along with us.' Madelyne Pryor pointed out. 'Besides, it's not as if they'll be dead forever. How many times have you and Thor killed that Blockbuster moron?'

'Too many times than I would rather count.' Beta Ray Bill said. 'But Banshee is right, we cannot just leave them here. We must take them with us.'

'Everybody grab somebody and make your way out.' Cyclops said. 'We don't have much time.'

'No…' A weak voice piped up. 'Won't make it…'

'Father!' Polaris said as she knelt down beside the unsteady Magneto.

'Polaris, you must join your powers with mine…' Magneto said hoarsely. It was clear that the Master of Magnetism had taken much abuse from his time as Sinister's captive.

'I think I can see where you're going.' Jena Grey chipped in. 'Madelyne, can you help too?'

'Way ahead of you, Jean.' Madelyne nodded. 'Everybody gather close and hope this works…'

* * *

**Up on the surface-**

The giant monument to Magneto made out of scrapped Sentinel parts in the centre of Genosha began to quake and shudder as explosions ripped through it. It didn't take long for the monument to fall to the ground with a deafening boom. Slowly but surely, a sphere of magnetic and telekinetic force began to rise from the rubble. Magneto and Polaris along with Jean Grey and Madelyne Pryor had combined their powers to protect everybody and lift them out of the wreckage.

Once everybody was safe on the surface, Magneto let out a groan and fell to his knees. Combining his powers with the others had taken a lot out of the Master of Magnetism.

'Father!' Polaris gasped as she knelt down to help her father. 'He's passed out again!'

'We'll take care of him back at the Xavier Institute.' Cyclops said. 'Unless you have anything to say otherwise, Iron Man.'

'Now isn't the time to make a situation out of this.' Iron Man stated. 'Be careful, Cyclops. Magneto is still a wanted criminal. I don't want this to come back and bite everybody on the ass.'

'You're not seriously letting him take Magneto away, are you?' Quicksilver complained. 'He's dangerous! He should be locked up with the rest of the villains!'

'The X-Men know what they're doing, Pietro.' The Scarlet Witch told her brother. 'Have some faith. I'm sure everything will be fine.'

'I wish I was a trusting as you, sister.' Quicksilver frowned. 'I can't shake the feeling that no good can come of this.'

'I have taken the liberty to alert the nearest S.H.I.E.L.D. base.' The Vision piped up. 'They will be along to take the defeated villains into custody momentarily.'

'What about that Sinister guy?' Tigra asked. 'We can't just let him get off scot-free.'

'We can take care of that as well.' Cyclops responded. 'I'll have a team take care of him.'

'Then that leaves us nothing but bidding you farewell, X-Men.' Thor said as he held out his hand for Cyclops to shake. 'Farewell, X-Men. May the next time we meet be in more pleasant circumstances.'

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Hellfire Party**

'Uncanny Cabal' _tie-in. Beast and Emma attend a posh party at Stark Tower. Unfortunately, the Hellfire Club decide to crash the event._


End file.
